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Friend laughing
I finally got the courage to tell my best friend about my FFA and that I might end up losing all my hair. I was absolutely devastated..she started laughing uncontrollably about the possibility of me being bald. I feel so betrayed. I didn't tell her how that made me feel and I don't want to lose her friendship but I don't have any idea of how to handle this. Advice and hugs would be appreciated.
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Jessie on
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that's pretty harsh and hurtful. If she is truly your best friend she did not mean this to hurt you I am sure. People have peculiar reactions sometimes because they just simply do not know how to respond. although this does not excuse her reaction. You definitely need to ask her what/why she laughed, what was she thinking. does she understand how devastating this is. Let her respond before you decide any action and let her know you are freaking out about the possibility of going bald, it is NO laughing matter. Although people with hair never understand the true devastation and will respond with it is only hair..like many things easier said.. but do talk to her
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I am sorry to hear about this. Did she perhaps not realize that you were being serious? If she did, and then had that reaction, then sadly, that friendship might have to come to an end.
It's mot much fun, is it?
So, sending a hug, hoping it helps.
Anne
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Permalink Reply by Mary on
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So sorry this happened to you. My first reaction was to write off this "friend" - I'm still not sure she deserves another chance. But, then I thought about how we all sometimes laugh out of nervousness when we are uncomfortable and don't know how to react. Then I remembered the classic Mary Tyler Moore Show episode "Chuckles Bites The Dust". You're probably too young to remember it, so here it is. Even if it's not exactly the same situation, it may give you a much needed laugh!
Background:
Chuckles the Clown is dead. He had dressed as the character Peter Peanut, and a rogue elephant tried to "shell" him during a parade. The unusual circumstances of Chuckles' death provoke a wave of jokes in the TV newsroom where Mary works. ("You know how hard it is to stop after just one peanut!" and, "He could've gone as Billy Banana and had a gorilla peel him to death"). Everyone is consumed with uncontrollable laughter, with the exception of Mary, who is appalled by her co-workers' apparent lack of respect for the dead.But she's not prepared for what happens to her at the funeral:
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Permalink Reply by Kevin H on
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This girl seems like a bitch. If one of my friends laughed when I told them I had AA and all my hair might fall out one day, that would be the last conversation I had with them. I know this site is all about getting together, coping with problems, we're always nice, yay for us, etc.
I put my foot down on this one. That's bullshit. Hopefully, if you haven't deleted her from existence yet like I would, this girl wises up and matures. But by the looks of it, she's got a far ways to go.
Hugs and punches from Erie.
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Permalink Reply by Joe LaCour on
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I find your response offensive. If you can't say anything positive, wouldn't it be better to say nothing at all?
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Permalink Reply by Alicia on
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Life is not puppy dogs and fairy floss.... you cant white wash everything and hope it goes away.....I agree with Kevin....but give your friend a chance to explain her reaction.
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Permalink Reply by kastababy on
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Hey Mary!
I didn't have to see the MTM Show episode to know *exactly* what you're talking about.
Please see my response to this situation at the end of this thread. Simply put, as alopecians we become and are accustomed to being so HYPERsensitive to the reactions of others to alopecia whenever they encounter it that it is very easy to mistake a reflexive response with no malicious intent behind it whatsoever for the most offensive, hurtful, egregious betrayal ever conceived - and to put it bluntly, it's not fair to the friend at all to be accused of something they may not even be aware that they've done - and it's not fair to expect anyone, not even our closest friends and family, to have a ready-made emotional response to any news we deliver to them regarding alopecia. After all, they're human, just like us - with all of the human emotions and frailties and faults that we ourselves possess.
Sometimes I think that if we step back for a moment and try to consider what we share with our friends from *their* perspective as the support system, a lot of misunderstanding and lost friendships could be avoided - and I urge the Mary that posted this situation to stand back and consider this as well.
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I don't really have any good advice to give, but when I read this I felt that I wanted to reply anyway. Maybe your friend got scared and felt unsure about what to say or how to handle what you just told her. Some people tend to laugh when they're feeling insecure. I've been in similar situations myself. Even though it's hard, I think it's best to explain it to her again, the same way you did the first time. She's probably going to react in a different way, and you'll be getting the chance to tell her how her laughing about it before really hurt your feelings. She is hopefully not even aware that it did.
It's going to be alright. Lots of hugs for you!
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