Hey there, I just had a questions about relationships and alopecia. I’ve been seeing my girlfriend for over a year now, and she still hasn’t told me about her alopecia. Every month or so she tells me she is going to go dye her hair, but I know she’s actually going to put her new wig on that she has ordered to her mothers house. I’ve known since we started dating, my sister used to be good friends with my girlfriends sister and she told my sister years ago about her condition so when I started dating her my sister told me about it. It doesn’t matter at all to me, she could walk around without a wig on at home, or where ever. She won’t shower with me, and would rather sit in her soaking wet wig for the day after showering rather  than dry it off on a wig stand. Is she ever going to tell me? Should I not bring it up that I’ve known the entire time?? She gets extremely mAd when I touch her hair and I just want to move on from all of that and make her know that she has nothing to worry about with me. We are having a kid after all.

should I just leave her be?

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Tell her you know.  Tell her it’s ok.  And if it’s truly ok, it will be apparent in time.  But she should know you know.  

I agree with Michael. She should have told you from the beginning. This is not something you forget to mention. Honesty is very important. I know she acted out of fear of losing you probably but how did she think you wouldn't have noticed sooner or later?! Anyway, yes let her know that you know so she can breath a sign of relief. But make sure you also tell her that it doesn't matter if she is bald or not you still want to be with her! And don't forget to repeat it to her every so often because losing our hair its a big blow to our self esteem!

I would never expect her to take it off in front of me, or force her to be comfortable with it off. That’s not my worry, I’m just saying if she ever chose too, that she doesn’t need to worry about me. I want to talk to her about it, but considering the fact that she is still in her first trimester, the hormones are raging, so I think maybe I should wait a little while longer.. also, she’s buying these 60$ Heat resistant wigs, anyone know of a place to get a quality, realistic heat resistant wig that will maybe last her a little longer than 2 months. The ones she is getting become extremely messy within a month or so, pretty cheap, even though she sits and brushes the hell out of it every day. I figure pay for quality, so maybe someday when she’s comfortable with me knowing, I can help her get something nice. Thanks for all the advice guys, I appreciate it

Check on EBay by searching silk top wigs!

Hi Jimmy!

I've had alopecia since I was 4 years old, which meant wearing a wig to school every day. My husband, who rode the school bus with me in middle school and high school, used to be the one who took up for me when the bullies tried to mess with me. We were only friends in school, and yet we NEVER dated until we came across each other again 18 months ago. I was worried that my having alopecia would be a turnoff for him, but he was the one who took charge and made sure that I KNEW that he thought I was beautiful. We just got married on November 7, and as far as he's concerned I'm the most beautiful woman in the world!

My advice would be to set up a pampering day for her. At the end of the day, just sit down with her and tell her how you feel. Even though it's a sensitive subject, I would venture to guess that she'll be more relieved than upset that you took the initiative. Whatever you decide to do, I would strongly recommend that you do it BEFORE the wedding. It's too important to let it linger. Good luck!!

You need to talk to her or maybe write your thoughts down for her to read.  I used to be the same.  I have AU and my partner of 13 years told me to take my wig off the first night he slept over....there's an elephant in the room..send it away!

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