Alopecia World
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I feel like wigs are dominating my life
The title says a lot, but let me elaborate.
First, wigs are an extra bill. I spend so much getting custom wigs that I'm not even happy in, and have to buy a new one about every month because they start looking more unnatural than a wig should after that time.
Every single person on this site wants their hair back if they lost it, myself included. I get emotional when I'm putting my wigs on or taking them off, and some days I have to fight back tears seeing my bald scalp and my "hair" on a plastic head. I'm so paranoid as well about the wig falling off, and would never want anyone to see me without it and my eyebrows/fake lashes. Even on a site like this, one with many people in the same boat as me, I won't post pictures of myself without my wig on. I never take them, because I'm afraid someone might stumble into them and, in a few years, I want to remember me with my wigs on that look somewhat like my old hair than the bald woman I hate being in reality.
I've had to limit myself a lot in what I do. I don't go in the water at the beach anymore, and if I go at all I put a hat on and just read while I sweat under my thick brown wig and resist the temptation to itch at sand that gets under the front. Wind is a nightmare-- I've actually had nightmares about a strong gust of wind taking my wig with it, and my hand is always on the front of my wig whenever it starts. My wig doesn't have lace on the back, and I don't want someone to see something that suggests that the wig on top of my head isn't my actual hair. I rarely play with my son anymore, because I'm afraid he'll tug at the wig and he's never seen me bald.
The self-consciousness is killing me. After every period at the school I teach I go to the woman's room with my makeup in my purse to redo my eyebrows and the makeup around the wig.
I just want my hair back.
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by GardenJess on
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I am sorry that you are struggling with wig wearing. While I get the impulse to look "normal" and maintain a fully haired persona, I can't help but wonder if the cost is too high when I read posts like yours. Nothing is wrong with you. Yes, you have lost your hair, but you are still you. You might not like what you see in the mirror, but your eyes are still your eyes, your spirit is still your spirit. The person in the mirror still has all your good, lovable qualities. I won't say that losing my hair has been easy for me or that I'm completely at peace with it, but I think using the benchmark of whether it is affecting my activities, particularly with my children, has been helpful to me. The toddler who used to pull on my hair is now 5, but I still have to face school activities, camping, swimming and being in and out of classrooms. I don't want to let alopecia win. I also don't want my children, who could possibly inherit a susceptibility to autoimmune conditions, to see alopecia as something shameful or life ruining. A couple of weeks ago I talked to my 5th grader's class about alopecia, including showing very unflattering photos of me in stages of hair loss or grimacing for the camera. Far from humiliating me (or my son), it sent a powerful message that people have value independent of their appearance. One girl raised her hand to say I was pretty with or without hair. None of us are perfect. None of us need to be our harshest critics. Celebrate the holidays by being kind to yourself.
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Right before I shaved my head I kept having nightmares of going out in an ugly rats nest of a wig, where everyone knew. I felt so much fear about wigs that I thought the right decision for me would be to be open about my hair loss, and it went so well. On Christmas I saw my in-laws, and they didn't know my wig wasn't my real hair. They said my hair looked great (as my real hair hasn't in years) so I'd say "Oh thank you, my hair fell out because I have alopecia so now I wear wigs" And everyone was really cool about it. Nobody stressed or threw me a pity party, we just moved along. I walk around bald or with just a beanie on all the time.
I know it sounds stupid, but for me hiding causes so much stress. Maybe for you it's more stressful to be Au-natural. I can understand that, so do what you gotta do to feel comfortable.
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Why dont you consider microblading for eyebrows?
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Permalink Reply by Sayde on
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I totally second this! Microblading was one thing that definitely gave me some confidence, and an increased feeling of control. I still powder in my eyebrows, just because I'm picky about dimension), but it's a huge relief to know that if the makeup does wipe off a bit it's not totally bare underneath.
Definitely recommend thinking about it.
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Permalink Reply by Tom on
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I'm a guy so I won't tell you I have it as hard as women do. But I remember the nightmares . I remember avoiding social events because everyone will stare. But I've heard other women replying to your blog . The one lady who said she had no problem letting people see her bald. Please don't let this disease rob you of the best parts of life. Playing with your son or being on the beach just be the real you. We only have to fear this thing if we are hiding. I'm sure you want to wear your wig for work. But take it off for your other activities. Wear a scarf or go bald. Your little boy will be fine if you sit down with him and explain. Tell your class at school. It's OK your still you we all need to remember we are still the same person without hair as we were with it.No one likes this damn disease but we've got it. Enjoy the good beautiful things in life. Don't miss ou because your hiding from this. You can do it we all have to eventually or we go mad. Go for it it's worth it, your worth it!
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Permalink Reply by Debbie on
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I actually HAD a strong gust of wind take my wig off in a restaurant parking lot last Christmas, and I was chasing it down the hill and retrieved it just prior to it flying out onto the highway! My friend laughed, and at first it hurt my feelings. Then I realized how it must have looked, and laughed at myself. I think the key is to learn to laugh at yourself. Not that I don't still wish I could have a normal head of hair, mind you. But that's not gonna happen, so I have to adapt and make the best of it.
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I also had wind take my wig off and it went under the bus, Luckily it happened before the group came(I work as a tour guide).I think only one person noticed what happened.
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Permalink Reply by Zimrie on
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This is why you should carry some sort of head cover everywhere you go, just the same as kleenex. A head scarf does not have to take up much space in your purse.
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Permalink Reply by Ann Wilson on
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Love it! We have to learn to laugh at ourselves. I too wish I had a normal head of hair sometimes but I have a friend who keeps telling me how lucky I am. After 20 years of AU I have adapted and made the best of it.
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Permalink Reply by sallylwess on
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Yes to everything you said. I can so relate. I have the exact same experiences and fears. If it helps, you are NOT alone.
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Permalink Reply by Sheila Pinder on
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It is unfortunate that you have the experiences, thoughts, and feelings that you do. I am going to comment on several issues that you discussed.
Regarding the wigs, I do not wear them. Why? When I was in the fourth grade, a student pulled my wig off and ran around the playground with it. I had to chase him to get it back. Did the other students laugh, sure they did. I put the wig back on and acted as if nothing happened. To me, that student had the real issues and not me. To this day, I will not wear a wig.
How do you take care of your wigs? A stylist may be able to assist you in making them look more natural.
I do not want hair. Seriously, I do not. I enjoy the freedom. I do not have to worry about daily styling, periodically hair coloring, and the time saved getting dressed is priceless. I go swimming with ease. There are many advantages to not having hair. Cost saving on shampoo, and other hair care products. The mental freedom is the best.
I use to wear my hair short as in my picture here. I covered the top, so my baldness would be less noticeable. I decided to shave my head in the middle of the college semester. I told students a week before I did and the reason why. Students were accepting and no one made a comment. Class continued as if nothing had changed. One student raised her hand and talked about a family member who has alopecia. We never know what others are going though. It has been six years since I started shaving my head. From day one of the shave, I wore it outside and everywhere.
Alopecia is hereditary from the mother’s side. How you embrace this may affect how your children handle the issue if it happens to them. I have siblings who have alopecia.
I sympathize with your experiences, and can honestly say I understand many of them. I think the important thing is the self-consciousness issue and the negative thoughts you are experiencing. From reading your post, your hair/wigs is dictating how you are living your life. You are a beautiful person and in reading your post a sincere and caring person. Let that shine.
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