Tweens and teens reactions to parent's alopecia? - Alopecia World2024-03-29T07:28:26Zhttps://alopeciaworld.com/forum/topics/tweens-and-teens-reactions-to-parent-s-alopecia?feed=yes&xn_auth=noGlad you had a positive outco…tag:alopeciaworld.com,2016-12-19:2022678:Comment:13486972016-12-19T03:27:01.210ZGinnyhttps://alopeciaworld.com/profile/Ginny
<p>Glad you had a positive outcome. As a teacher with Alopecia I made sure the children knew as much as they wanted to about it. Yes you have added to an environment in which the children can share problems Well done</p>
<p>Glad you had a positive outcome. As a teacher with Alopecia I made sure the children knew as much as they wanted to about it. Yes you have added to an environment in which the children can share problems Well done</p> My update--
I talked to my so…tag:alopeciaworld.com,2016-12-18:2022678:Comment:13486892016-12-18T21:18:34.712ZGardenJesshttps://alopeciaworld.com/profile/GardenJess
<p>My update--</p>
<p>I talked to my son about speaking to his class, and he really didn't care. To him it wasn't a big deal in any way. So I went ahead and shared with his class during the lesson on tolerance. I showed a few photos of my hair progression, from full hair, through losing hair, a shaved head, white regrowth, and a wig. That was a couple of weeks ago, and while I waited to see if there were any followup repercussions, my son said no one mentioned it, and I have been in the…</p>
<p>My update--</p>
<p>I talked to my son about speaking to his class, and he really didn't care. To him it wasn't a big deal in any way. So I went ahead and shared with his class during the lesson on tolerance. I showed a few photos of my hair progression, from full hair, through losing hair, a shaved head, white regrowth, and a wig. That was a couple of weeks ago, and while I waited to see if there were any followup repercussions, my son said no one mentioned it, and I have been in the classroom again with the kids with nothing seeming different.</p>
<p>All in all, it was a very positive experience because I feel like we created a safe place in the classroom where kids felt comfortable sharing some of their personal struggles. Just talking in the abstract or referencing people off in youtube land doesn't have the impact of someone they know sharing how being different is OK.</p>
<p>If these kids encounter someone else with alopecia, I'm confident that they will be more open to understanding the condition. So, in 10 years when someone says to their date that they have alopecia, and the date says something like, "Oh yeah, my friend's mom had that. It's just your hair, isn't it?" they can thank me. (Just kidding, but hiding doesn't seem to do anyone any good.)</p> I shared mine with my speech…tag:alopeciaworld.com,2016-11-06:2022678:Comment:13440242016-11-06T23:31:11.713Zmiss65feethttps://alopeciaworld.com/profile/miss65feet
I shared mine with my speech class. But my family are embarrassed by it and I'm still very uncomfortable I wear a wig all the time I try to make it look like my real hair
I shared mine with my speech class. But my family are embarrassed by it and I'm still very uncomfortable I wear a wig all the time I try to make it look like my real hair My daughter was in 6th grade…tag:alopeciaworld.com,2016-11-03:2022678:Comment:13437232016-11-03T17:52:36.006ZMiss.heatherlhttps://alopeciaworld.com/profile/Missheatherl
<p>My daughter was in 6th grade when I lost my hair, my son was in 3rd grade. Both kids handled my alopecia universalis differently, as well as I'm sure each class would too. </p>
<p>I agree with both sides on this issue, so maybe talk with your son and make a decision together? If you two disagree and you choose to go your path, that's ok I think since you both talked it out and heard each other's side. I think as a 5th grader (about 10yrs old) this is a great learning opportunity about…</p>
<p>My daughter was in 6th grade when I lost my hair, my son was in 3rd grade. Both kids handled my alopecia universalis differently, as well as I'm sure each class would too. </p>
<p>I agree with both sides on this issue, so maybe talk with your son and make a decision together? If you two disagree and you choose to go your path, that's ok I think since you both talked it out and heard each other's side. I think as a 5th grader (about 10yrs old) this is a great learning opportunity about communication as well as about how a person with Alopecia feels. </p>
<p>Just my thoughts. </p>
<p>Heather</p> Well done I always believe th…tag:alopeciaworld.com,2016-10-27:2022678:Comment:13432762016-10-27T20:03:01.666ZGinnyhttps://alopeciaworld.com/profile/Ginny
<p>Well done I always believe that being honest and open is the best idea. If your child's school has an anti-bulling policy this is a golden opportunity to teach how to respond to someone that is different with empathy and compassion. I taught at a low decile school and the students treated me well. If all of their questions are answered with honesty and is part of a values programme it should be fine,</p>
<p>Well done I always believe that being honest and open is the best idea. If your child's school has an anti-bulling policy this is a golden opportunity to teach how to respond to someone that is different with empathy and compassion. I taught at a low decile school and the students treated me well. If all of their questions are answered with honesty and is part of a values programme it should be fine,</p> Odds are if you show up with…tag:alopeciaworld.com,2016-10-27:2022678:Comment:13431212016-10-27T19:01:49.924ZAnnShttps://alopeciaworld.com/profile/AnnS
<p>Odds are if you show up with a wig and then with a hat, the younger the kids are, the more they notice. Kids are amazing like this! They notice the details adults fail to miss (because we're much more used to our worldview filtering things out, and we've enculturated not saying anything to anyone who might be different about their differences.</p>
<p>So I'm guessing many of your son's class mates have noticed already that you have hat and wig times even during the same day. And they're still…</p>
<p>Odds are if you show up with a wig and then with a hat, the younger the kids are, the more they notice. Kids are amazing like this! They notice the details adults fail to miss (because we're much more used to our worldview filtering things out, and we've enculturated not saying anything to anyone who might be different about their differences.</p>
<p>So I'm guessing many of your son's class mates have noticed already that you have hat and wig times even during the same day. And they're still young enough for deep curiosity without necessarily looking at it as a BAD thing. All this being said, I'll be if you put a temporary dinosaur tattoo (or maybe a stormtrooper or a heart or something) on your head, they would think it would be super cool when you took your hat (or wig! for drama!) off with a flourish.</p>
<p>I do a lot of work in breastfeeding advocacy - and it's shocking how something that, sixty years ago was entirely necessary (before formula) has become so taboo. We work to normalize it - and that means making sure everyone - especially kids - see nursing moms everywhere. I kind of look at alopecia the same way. We have a very visible disease, with alopecia. So many like arthritis, or celiac, don't have any physical attributes. And yet, it's a very unknown disease (unlike, say, diabetes, which is also not visible but very known). So maybe it's a good thing - at least these 28 people will grow up knowing what it is!</p>
<p>Good luck!</p> Thank you for your teacher's…tag:alopeciaworld.com,2016-10-27:2022678:Comment:13431782016-10-27T18:03:46.883ZGardenJesshttps://alopeciaworld.com/profile/GardenJess
<p>Thank you for your teacher's perspective. I think the classroom climate issue may be part of the reason for such divergence of opinion. While I can't know what my son's future will hold, for now his 5th grade is still elementary school, and I want to say it's a good group of kids, but that seems to imply there are bad groups of kids. Maybe I can say we are in the California Bay Area, where inclusion and acceptance of difference is a way of life. It's a school without bullies because we don't…</p>
<p>Thank you for your teacher's perspective. I think the classroom climate issue may be part of the reason for such divergence of opinion. While I can't know what my son's future will hold, for now his 5th grade is still elementary school, and I want to say it's a good group of kids, but that seems to imply there are bad groups of kids. Maybe I can say we are in the California Bay Area, where inclusion and acceptance of difference is a way of life. It's a school without bullies because we don't want to label the child, just the behavior, and even then, isn't it better to thinking about bucket-fillers and bucket-dippers than "bullying"? OK, so I'm being a bit sarcastic, but what I am contemplating is just trying to be a positive example in a classroom where I am already a presence.</p>
<p>It sounds like you did well living by example.</p> First, let me say I used the…tag:alopeciaworld.com,2016-10-27:2022678:Comment:13431182016-10-27T17:50:53.931ZGardenJesshttps://alopeciaworld.com/profile/GardenJess
<p>First, let me say I used the word "fat," and I chose to use it not for shaming purposes but with the assumption that it isn't something to be ashamed of and yet is a visible attribute that, if we assume kids will pick on other kids for their relative's physique, could be just as much of a target as alopecia. I get that being oneself and talking about oneself are not the same thing, but to me no one should be picked on for their or their parents' appearance. Very few of us are…</p>
<p>First, let me say I used the word "fat," and I chose to use it not for shaming purposes but with the assumption that it isn't something to be ashamed of and yet is a visible attribute that, if we assume kids will pick on other kids for their relative's physique, could be just as much of a target as alopecia. I get that being oneself and talking about oneself are not the same thing, but to me no one should be picked on for their or their parents' appearance. Very few of us are supermodels. </p>
<p>You said it so well:</p>
<p><span>"If different is ok, then let all differences be ok. Take the power out of shaming others for their inherent physical attributes (skin color, features, baldness, stature, weight, height) and practice kindness and acceptance for all physical attributes."</span></p>
<p>I will talk to my son, and I will talk to other adults who are part of the program before I go forward. While it is true that I might get the reward of facing my fear and of telling my inner self that I have nothing to be ashamed of, I really do see this as my small bit of the world I can influence for the better. Someday one of the kids might meet someone with alopecia. Someday they might encounter a kid or adult who is just different, and if I can in any tiny way help them to see beyond that, then that will be great. If there is some young woman or young man who someday reveals her or his alopecia and gets the response, "Oh, alopecia. I've heard of that," as if it's no big deal, then that will be great. If there's a girl who really feels the message that it isn't all about appearance, because here it is in front of her and not just in a story or a lecture, then that will be great. I don't consider myself qualified to be a spokesperson for alopecia, so I'm not likely to head away from "home" to attempt inspirational talks. </p>
<p>And when it comes down to it, I'm guessing my hair loss will be far from my most embarrassing mom attribute. :)</p> I have been surprised and sad…tag:alopeciaworld.com,2016-10-27:2022678:Comment:13432622016-10-27T15:48:28.219ZKatehttps://alopeciaworld.com/profile/KateRawleyWarters
<p>I have been surprised and saddened by so many of these responses. You appear to be a thoughtful person with a strong interest in doing what is right for your family. You don't strike me as seeking personal fulfillment at the expense of your child. Instead, I hear the intentions of a mother seeking to integrate her reality into the lives of her family, and into your shared role in your broader community.</p>
<p>I do agree with the advice to discuss with your son first, and if he is very…</p>
<p>I have been surprised and saddened by so many of these responses. You appear to be a thoughtful person with a strong interest in doing what is right for your family. You don't strike me as seeking personal fulfillment at the expense of your child. Instead, I hear the intentions of a mother seeking to integrate her reality into the lives of her family, and into your shared role in your broader community.</p>
<p>I do agree with the advice to discuss with your son first, and if he is very opposed or concerned either address his concerns or save the visit to his class for a later time when he is more amenable. Make sure you don't surprise him with your content. However, presuming he is comfortable and feels involved, this is a special opportunity to work together with him on something that can be meaningful for everyone. </p>
<p>Here's another idea: Have more discussion with the teachers and administration before proceeding. This sounds like it may be part of a bigger program, so understand who has spoken before and the kid's reactions. Talk about what is developmentally appropriate for these students to hear and understand. And have a game plan for actionable, relevant learnings you can give the kids to help them process your story and take action to be more inclusive.</p>
<p>If you meet this criteria, I see no reason this can't be a positive experience for everyone.</p>
<p>p.s. Sidenote: I am deeply saddened to see the fat shaming happening in this conversation (re: references of "fat" as a mean word, or calling out the embarrassment of a fat mom, among other comments). Accepting baldness as beautiful is one act of body positivity, but it doesn't happen in a vacuum. If different is ok, then let all differences be ok. Take the power out of shaming others for their inherent physical attributes (skin color, features, baldness, stature, weight, height) and practice kindness and acceptance for all physical attributes.</p> I think the point some of us…tag:alopeciaworld.com,2016-10-27:2022678:Comment:13431072016-10-27T10:47:49.175ZJoycehttps://alopeciaworld.com/profile/JoyceDiamond
I think the point some of us are trying to make is this: yes, it is important to teach our (and other people's)children to be accepting, and we should absolutely model that behavior. However, you could go to any number of schools, youth groups, community centers, etc. to do that. By inserting yourself in your son's classroom, it is making this all about you.<br />
<br />
It is not about you, or acceptance, or whether or not children will be bullies, or how one can force the situation so that they will not…
I think the point some of us are trying to make is this: yes, it is important to teach our (and other people's)children to be accepting, and we should absolutely model that behavior. However, you could go to any number of schools, youth groups, community centers, etc. to do that. By inserting yourself in your son's classroom, it is making this all about you.<br />
<br />
It is not about you, or acceptance, or whether or not children will be bullies, or how one can force the situation so that they will not be bullies, or how sad the state of the world is when we can't all feel comfortable to wip off our wigs and walk freely.<br />
<br />
It is about your son, and about what he is comfortable with. I cannot imagine my mother coming into my place of work to share something personal about herself (regardless of what it is), particularly if I was not comfortable. It is not her place.<br />
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I am just not sure why this needs to be made a "teachable moment", unless the circumstances truly call for it, and your son is clearly comfortable with it. And I say all of this with kindness and support. As a mom of two toddlers, I'll be dealing with this sort of thing soon enough, but it will be led by my daughters, not me, and hopefully I will have taught them enough at that point. Or, that the world will be a different enough place in a few years that all of these ideals we have about other people (and their children) will be reality.