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16 years, AU. Please help
So, I'm 16 year old and I have had Alopecia Universalis since I was 2. I've been going out with this amazing guy for about two months now. I've always worn a wig out of habit and it looks natural. My boyfriend really likes my wig (what he THINKS is my hair). And it seems like not having hair would be a dealbreaker for him. I've never met anyone like him and I want to tell him about my alopecia. But the only problem is, I'm scared to death of his reaction. What do I do?
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Kamryn on
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Thanks for replying so quickly. I just don't want him to feel as though I've been lying to him. And I don't want to lose him because he's always been behind me about everything. But I'm not sure this is something he will be behind me on.
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Hi
Would it help to think why he wouldn't be behind you on this. You are still you with or without your hair. How you present yourself is about you...not really him. How you feel about your alopecia will come across to him. How do you feel about it, is it something you want to hide???
If that is the case Why??? I think it would be helpful to work on how you feel, then pass that on when you are all ok to him.
Rosy
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Permalink Reply by Lexi on
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If he doesn't accept you for the person you are, there is no point in expending any more energy in the relationship. It is new enough to "get over" quickly now. The longer you wait, the harder to recover from any rejection that may come your way. Especially someone very young. No telling how he will take the news. I wouldn't wait. Why torture yourself like that. JUST DO IT. If he is truly worth your time and love, he will be there for you, and love you for the beautiful person that you are. You are so young, there will be many more boyfriends - they will come and they will go. You will finally, many years from now, meet Mr. Right and everything will be perfect.
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Permalink Reply by Ivan on
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Being 'different' (or rather feeling that one is different) is particularly tough on youngsters, and I'm pretty sure that most female alopecia suffers would also claim to endure special hardship!
Sounds like it's time to take a deep breath then test the validity of your opinion about him. I hope that you are right, otherwise it's time to move on and possibly find someone less superficial.
Wigs are arguably useful short term 'crutches' but this is an example of their many adverse side effects.
Good luck!
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I have told friends before this. Ones that I thought were close but took it badly.
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Wise1, 'Negative,' 'Positive,' are two sides of the same coin - one being unable to exist without the other. My inferred connotation matters not as the two bedfellows accompany each other in every situation in life. My point about 'crutches' (means of support) is quite simple: Anything that helps us to walk has to be good. But to walk unassisted without pain is better. To be able to walk unassisted without pain, but occcasionally carry a decorative swagger stick is ideal.
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Permalink Reply by Dena on
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I understand how scary it must be to reveal this to him. I have a 16 year old son and asked him about your situation. Of course he has a little sister with no hair, so he may be a little more sensitive than other 16 year old boys. He said that if they had been dating for a while and it was getting serious, that it wouldn't change anything to him. He said it would probably bother him more that she wasn't able to truly be herself with him if she couldn't open up about it and he would probably question if she was as serious as he was in the relationship. He said it would probably hurt his feelings if he was to learn it from someone else other than his girlfriend. But that over time he could even get over that if she was important to him. I agree with everyone. Take the chance. Better to know now than really get invested in a relationship and then find out he isn't as amazing as you thought.
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