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17, lacking confidence, and dating
I'm 17, going into my senior year of high school and have been battling with alopecia for about the whole summer. I've always been really confident about myself and who I was and never had any issues with my confidence regarding boys, dating, and relationships. But since my alopecia, and my Hair going away. I've lost a lot of my confidence when meeting new people in fear that they might be too freaked out to want to form a relationship with me.
But despite it all somehow I have started dating someone I have been friends with for about a year and we met when I had all my hair. We started dating when I could barely put my hair up in a bun without my scalp showing through. The more dates we go on the less hair I have and I'm still in transitioning stages of shaving my head and getting the right wig. I have no idea if he's noticed that I wear more headbands and my hair is extremely thin, or he's just a clueless high school boy. (No offense) I really like this person and would be really bummed if for some reason we just didn't work out and it had to do with me having no hair. Whenever I'm with my family and close friends I don't seem to care whether or not I have a wrap on but whenever I think about hanging with him I immediately loose my careless attitude and stress about how to make myself look more normal.
How do I continue to hang out with him, and feel confident with wearing raps and bandannas? How do I go about revealing to him that I have no hair without freaking him Out? also I'm still having issues with my own stigma that even if others don't know I will always know that I'm wearing a wig. how do I not live in constant fear that someone's gonna touch my wig or find out I'm wearing one?
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Cue Ball of Steel on
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The truth is - he probably suspects something is up, especially if your hair is getting thinner and thinner. That being said, he is dating you for a reason. It is very unlikely that he's going to disapear if he sees you without a wig.
I know you've heard it 10,000 times, but for real, hair isn't everything. I used to hate hearing this, but it's true. You have a body and a face and a personality that this guy is attracted to, and you can clearly pull off the baldness, he's with you after all.
It's really scary to tell people and show people, especially if you're not used to it and you really value their opinion. But at the end of the day you'll feel so much better, and it will make you that much closer.
As for revealing it, start off by just telling him what's up, and explain what it is. Then you can show him when you feel comfortable. Prepare for a look of surprise - this isn't disgust, it's just something they've never seen before.
Best of luck, I'm confident that it'll go fine!
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Permalink Reply by Tallgirl on
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You could have a talk in a memorable, quiet place. First, tell him what you enjoy about being with him. Then say you have something important to you to share, and that you hope you are important enough to HIM for him to stick around and help you through your senior year with an issue. Tell him what alopecia is, that you have those genes, and that you hope it resolves before graduation. If does not resolve, let him know how important his care for you is and what his support would mean to you. Give him the option to ask you how you are doing with it when it looks like you can handle the conversation...or that he can check back with you to see how you have dealt with it throughout college. Be prepared for any response, yea or nay. Let us know if he became a Knight or a Chicken Heart after The Talk.
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Permalink Reply by Katie on
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I am in the same situation. I am 17 and it is hard dealing with this when I am going into my senior year of high school. I was out at a friend's house and he started to touch my hair. I was wearing a topper to hide my hair loss and I was scared that he would find out. I told him not to touch my hair but he asked why I am always so sensitive about it. At this age, it is hard. I am still deciding whether to shave my head. Are you shaving your head? I know this may not be the comment you are looking for, but I just wanted to let you know that I am in the same situation.
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Yes same boat!! I finally found a wig that I love and makes me feel more comfortable but on the same day as my wig fitting I decided to shave my head and it has honestly made me feel so much better and free. I feel more confident and strong with my bald head. I went to my church with no hair or wrap and it was mentally draining reassuring people that I'm okay and explaining to them why it is I have no hair. But I think it's just going to take getting used to the questions and stairs but overall I love being bald.
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I hope I can feel like you when I go bald. I am going to get a full wig tomorrow and I think I will just shave off all of my hair. I am so nervous. I don't even know if I will go through with it. I want to feel the confidence you feel. I may not have the strength to tell others that I am bald tho. I may just wear the full wig everywhere. Will you keep shaving it when you go to college?
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I still went through some rough patches with my confidence as well, but you will get there! My alopecia is more induced from thyroid and hormone issues and I'm hoping that it will grow back but until I see any fuzz or hair come in I'm going to keep shaving it so it's even.
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Oh ok. Today, I just cut my hair really short and got a full wig. I couldn't go through with going bald. Maybe I will be able to in the future. I am just so scared that someone will know it is a wig. Do a lot of people comment on the wigs? I am so nervous for school too.
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Don't worry, it took me a really long time to cut my hair as well. I was very fortunate to find a hair salon that specializes in wigs and hair replacements for women with hair loss issues. My wig was custom and the place I went to was very helpful with helping me feel like it was my own hair. My closes t friends know I where one but for the most parts no has said anything, I'm assuming they just don't know it's a wig yet. What I've noticed from wearing my wig on and off is that yes people stare and are unsure at first, but in the end they get used to it and just don't care anymore. And I think the biggest thing for me is just the fact that when I would just forget that I was wearing a wig and I was comfortable, people around me also stopped with the staring and assuming as well.
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Today was the second day of senior year and someone already commented on my wig. I used to have brown hair and it was medium length but my wig is long blonde hair. She kept saying "it's a wig" in front of my friend and it was so embarrassing. What did you say to people who noticed the difference? I am so self-conscious and now I keep wondering if people will notice. You are so comfortable and confident. How do you do it? I keep trying to make my wig look real but I am so paranoid that someone will notice. I told none of my friends about my alopecia and idk if I should tell them. Everyone keeps saying "nice hair" but I don't know if they know if its a wig. Ahh. And its only the second day of school. Any advice for tomorrow?
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Permalink Reply by Demixl on
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Hey. First of all, you have nothing to worry about. In any case, you need to tell your partner about your illness, because if you don't tell him about it, it will be unfair to him. In any case it is likely he will support you, and if he will disappear from your life, I think that sites for singles will be able to help you. For example, when I'm bored or depressed, I find people with whom I can chat at the dating site like asian mail order brides, as communicating with those people I feel alive and no trace remains from my depression. By the way, there, I guess, you could find a boyfriend that permanently will care about you
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