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Permalink Reply by Laura Duksta on March 14, 2008 at 11:50pm

First of all...you are beautiful! As are most bald people!!!! This is what I found...when I acted like "this is terrible and the worst thing that could happen" that is how other people treated me. Since I have shed my wigs and become "The Bald Chick" and I am super comfortable with my head, whether I'm with old friends or meeting new people...I often hear "wow...15 minutes after getting to know you I completely forgot you have no hair!" My friends don't even notice it anymore...in fact if someone does stare at us they wonder why! Yes...a lot of people will ask if you have cancer...I like to answer "no, thankfully I have Alopecia, I lost my hair when I was 11 but besides having no hair I'm perfectly healthy." Most people just want to share a story or wish you well. And...I bet you will find like me....sooooo many people stop and tell me how beautiful they think I am...my friends just laugh becase they can not believe how often it happens (and they're probably a bit jealous :-)) No...it probably is sometimes coming from "even though your bald you're still beautiful" and that surprises people...but people genuinely go out of their way to open up to me and for that I feel very connected to others and blessed! So, my advice would be just get as comfortable as possible talking about it and being ok with yourself and that will dictate how others treat you!
Keep Shining!
Laura

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Permalink Reply by Dotty on March 15, 2008 at 6:41am

Hi Char,
You have gotten some wonderful advice. I totally agree with them. If you are "bald and proud," others will see that and realize that it's not bothering you, why would it bother them? I also live in a very small town and it was very scary to even think about going out bald. But, then I decided to write to the local paper and ask if they would consider doing a story on Alopecia. I got a call in a week from a wonderful reporter. She asked if I would consider being the feature story on the front page!!! Well, there was no turning back after that and she did a wonderful story. After that, I was like a local celebrity and many people stopped to tell me how beautiful and brave I was. I started out with a baseball cap and then went to au natural. I think with me, the tattoos helped, but I also think that my self confidence showed that I was bald and proud. I ran a daycare center out of my home, and let me tell you, if you can impress toddlers, preschool, and schoolage children, you got it made. They are so accepting, and if you are honest with them, they'll only ask once and that will be that. They all went home and told their parents all about "pecia" LOL. Now I, like Tam, work with emotionally and developmentally disabled teenage boys, and they also know all about Alopecia and are very accepting and protective of me. They don't like when people stare and they'll say, "she has Alopecia not Cancer!!' Good luck and just know that we're right beside you every step of the way.
Love and Hugs,
Dotty

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Permalink Reply by Åsa on March 15, 2008 at 8:36am

Hi Char!
I think if you accept it that´s the most importent because that will show on you if you feel proud of your baldness.
I can understand that going from a wig to bald must be a huge step because I never used one, I used scarfes instead and then people understood that it was something going on anyway. I started going out baldheaded on the weekends when I went out on nightclubs and so on. Then I started to get self confidence being bald and then I did it step by step more and more. After a while people got used to it. In the beginning I thought it was tough when everyone was looking but I stopped looking at others reactions and just looked straight ahead. I also agree with Dotty , my tatoo also helped because then they realise that you don´t have cancer plus that their attention were on the tatoo instead of me (atleast that´s what I fooled my self with.)

I lived for a short period of time in a small town in North Carolina Then I was so nervous about how people would think and treat me over there since I live in a city. But people were more polite and I never felt more normal than I did there. Ofcourse alot of people knew who I was and maybe they looked and talked behind my back , but they never showed me anything. Here in Stockholm, Sweden were I live the could really STARE! But mostly people just gives you compliments and think your strong, beutiful and so on. I promise you I have more fun now when I´m bald then when I had hair.
If you accept it they have to accept it! (sorry for my english)
Åsa

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Permalink Reply by Char on March 15, 2008 at 9:14am

Thank you guys, I guess time will only tell. Right now it's too cold out. but I am definately not playing disc golf again in a wig, very uncomfortable. Thanks for the advice and I'll keep you inform.

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Permalink Reply by Emily on March 15, 2008 at 10:48am

Hi Char,
I live in a big city, and I'm not sure that my experience is any different from what you're anticipating. At work, or at school, or in groups of friends, I'm definitely known as "that bald girl". I just think it's inevitable -big city or small town, people will find a way to label us. I do think though that there's 2 ways we can take this: 1) the label makes us different and lesser than, or 2) the label allows us to be unique and special, and stand out from the crowd. I guess in my own thinking, I go back and forth between these two ideas...but I do know that focusing on how alopecia has made me unique always helps me feel more confident. I say, get ready for people to say whatever it is they're going to say, all the while knowing that you are confident and that you've accepted who you are. The unfortunate thing is that we can never predict or control what others are going to think and say about us...what we can predict and control is how we're going to respond and react to others' comments. I say go for it, you're beautiful exactly as you are and others need to know and see that!!

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Permalink Reply by Cheryl, Co-founder on March 15, 2008 at 8:29pm

Hi Char,

When I made the decision to no longer wear a wig, I knew there would be comments from time to time. Sometimes a comment that I didn't expect stung a bit and I had to go and re-focus. But, I realized that I can't control other peoples behavior and I can't go around changing all the circumstances around me so that I never get hurt. I had to learn to work through the hurt.

I remember standing at the door with my hand on the handle for over 5 minutes before I actually opened the door and walked out. I went out with some friends and by the time the night was over it felt wonderful. It was a start of a "new" me.

I also found that the stares do not last long ... news travels fast. When I finally stopped wearing wigs it didn't take long for the news to get around. Within a few days, it was a thing of the past.

As for what to tell your friends, the truth. Alopecia is not shameful, it is something that you had no control over. Plus you have the awesome opportunity to spread more Alopecia awareness.

What I would suggest is that you look at the articles on our blog, "">Helping your loved ones cope with your alopecia". It offers some good advice on helping your loved ones field questions and comments.

Good luck and let us know how it goes. If you need a cheerleading squad before you go... you know where to find one :).

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Permalink Reply by Liz on March 16, 2008 at 5:48pm

Hi Char,
Speaking from personal experience, there are some advantages to going out bald in a small town vs. a big city. For one thing, everyone talks to each other in a small town. I'm sure you've seen just how quickly stories can spread in a small community. Use this to your advantage. Once a few people understand Alopecia and your situation, word will get out that you are healthy, and that you simply cannot grow hair. Once the curiosity subsides, acceptance soon follows. I think you'll be surprised how quickly your baldness becomes "no big deal". You'll be accepted for who you are, hair or no hair.
Liz

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