Alopecia World
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27 and covered up
Well, here it goes. The support. This is my first post--first public discussion.. I have determined, after having Alopecia since I was 4 - it has owned me. I've allowed it to limit me in ways that myself-a strong woman- should never do...I am 27 and I have never been in public without a wig or a beanie. I am ashamed...i don't know why. The looks.. The stares. I don't want to be identified by my baldness..."hey, here comes the bald girl..."...I want to be known for my incredible personality that I have developed over the years to way make up for m lack of conventional outer beauty. I don't have the balls. I am so ashamed I have not let even my parents see me bald...not since I lived at home. I'm frustrated with myself...swimming is a chore...motorcycle rides, the summers in Maine. I always feel like I'm hiding. I am the manager of a bar, so my looks alone are workplace valuable---I do not work at Abercrombie by any means...would I get fired? I just....want to be myself. I just joined Alopecia World. I am reading about everyone's "big moments of acceptance"...wonder when mine will. I am not ashamed that I have Alopecia...I am woried about how brutal people will be...like...opening up a new world that takes away my anonimity that i have created with blending in with a hat and a hood...to sticking out...explaining..."no I do not have cancer"...to those so bold as to ask me whats wrong. I am fine. just...scared. I feel so beautiful as I am. Its tasking others to accept this "unconventional" beauty that scares me. I am worried that it will be limiting...and freeing at the same time. I have some roots, and no roots. It looks funny...I shave it so my head looks like a cow hide/world map; if it were all bald it would be one thing...but its not. its mottled. I had had 3 full cycles of hair loss/growth in my lifetime. I just...want to accept this.
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by JeffreySF on
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Lee,
It's more like a 2nd Family but you wouldn't know that.
You have no powers here. Be gone before someone drops a house on you.
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Permalink Reply by Spenser on
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Lee,
Do you really mean that? Take a look at one of the most progressive and inspirational of today's modern and classy alopecian women in the US.
Spenser
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Permalink Reply by Emily Naples on
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Lee: Thank you for your honesty. Somedays I feel like that is my only option; a wig or nothing. I'm getting too old to rely on hats full time (esp in summer), though often too scared to be without one. I Do agree with you on this: I've not worn a wig in about 5 years - I don't think I want to for a while longer. Bumpy as it may be - it may be the path I chose. I know that it will not be easy, but it is MY path - my process - my healing - my acceptance. I understand each person will do this at different times; like maturity in children.
Though, I am saddened by your "weird and hideous" comment - especially when this is because of something COMPLETELY OUT OF OUR CONTROL. Do you think men are equally as hideous without hair?
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No, I think men look OK. Some better than others. But on a woman it looks strange and unfeminine. No one expects a woman to go out bald by choice. Maybe I am the "older generation" that thinks differently. And one poster was right - I don't go anywhere without makeup, either. I know it's a free world, that people make their own choices and should be accepted by others. But bald woman that are attractive are very few and far between. That's just how I feel. For anyone who has chosen to go bald in public, I hope you're very happy with it. I couldn't do it. Yes, wigs are hot. But looks and stares and comments behind my back would be worse for me.
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Lee,
Grow up and act your age would you please???
Sticks and stones may break your bones but looks can never hurt you.
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Permalink Reply by Lisa Santer on
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JeffreySF,
I think of it differently. Sticks and stones may break my bones but words may break my heart. We women often get trained very harshly that our looks are the most valuable thing about us. Some of us also get trained to believe in a very narrow set of acceptable or attractive looks. It can be extremely difficult to break out of that prison.
I feel very lucky to believe most all of me is attractive; that feeling ashamed or hiding is one of the least attractive traits I could have; and that people with whom I want to spend time can and do see a pretty full picture of me. Some of them genuinely find my well-shaped bald head attractive. Others don't, but don't see it as disfiguring and like the rest of me. Good enough for me!
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Permalink Reply by Cheryl on
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Emily...
Everyone on here is so smart. They have been thru lots of the crap that goes with alopecia too. I am so glad others have forged the way for us "newbies".
I 've been AU for 8 years and guard my hat and especially my bandanas with my life! I have never gone without yet. But hope to be brave one day. When I do... I wanna be that chick that is doing it... without apology too. You have had this for a lot of years...I sure commend you for growing up with it. You are very strong obviously!
I worry that people will for sure think it is cancer coz they already do..or that I shaved my head for a reason. I want to be educational about alopecia...but, i will bet some people will be rude or just dumb, no matter what.
Please let us know when you decide to show off your head... I wanna know when you do. Like, I said, maybe one day me too.
You are STRONG!
*(*,
Cheryl
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I agree!! (I laughed with the pet cemetery reference, cause 'Ive felt like the crypt keeper from tales from the crypt..haha) The mystery! Something appealing, something sexy...
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Stacy...
I kinda agree. My Mom is 68 and had chemo last year. She too was like me and would go with a hat and bandana. But, because it was cold. But, she would have gone "nude" if it was warmer...and I bet I might have with her. Being that it is another city.
I think that if the older generation started to embrace some of these differences and different ways that maybe we could feel better about ourselves. I really do think that most younger people would be more accepting.
I am pretty sick of the older generation only wanting to talk to me when they think I've had cancer. Other than that, I find most do not want to know/hear about alopecia. Unfortunately, I find the majority of those older than 60...pretty stuck in their ways and thoughts.
Wouldn't it be wonderful for the Lee's to not have those ideas of something different so that we would be more ourselves???
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I am already feeling so much gratitude for this site...!
I suppose at this point no matter what its educational...not only of alopecia (for those who HAVE to ask) but of new social norms: bald women. If only...
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Permalink Reply by Brenda B on
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If you choose to go out in public without hair. Women DO shave their heads when they don't HAVE to. So no apologies...be proud...make eye contact, smile, be strong and you carry the attitude...like a woman who shaved her head because she wanted to...not because she had to. I have had alopecia for maybe 3 years now. I had some kick a** hair for most of my 38 years...since i've developed alopecia i actually have been much better to myself...i like me and my hair is scarce...but my hair was not me...it never was who i am. it took me losing my hair to really find me.
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