Stuttering and Alopecia: My Points of Pride Being a Fitness Coach 

Do you remember 3rd grade? Do you remember playing math games with the entire class, and watching that clock move slower and slower as each minute went by? 

I actually enjoyed math because it felt a little more natural for me to answer out loud and I felt pretty confident with most math content, so it was enjoyable. Going outside to play during recess was the most fun, since being athletic also came naturally to me. Those were the memories that were easiest to recall. I also remember the dreaded spelling bees, and attempting to spell each word incorrectly so that the stress or fear of speaking out loud would be over. I grew up stuttering and I learned to hold my opinion on things to myself. Not because I didn't want to tell others, but because I didn’t have the confidence to do so. Our world is very reliant on conversation when interacting with one another, and having a speech impediment became a large part of my identity. I still remember Ms. Lyons, my speech therapist from 3rd to 12th grade, would always tell me she cannot actually teach me to stop stuttering. Instead, she insisted I use it to my advantage. She believed that when others made fun of me, it was their way of saying that they feel insecure about themselves, as well. In today’s society, your presence often times represents who you are, and changes the perception of how you are viewed by others. I couldn’t always begin a conversation or chat freely through speech, but excelled in athletics and math, turning my passion into a reality at the young age of 15. It was as easy as saying 2 + 3 = 5. Realizing my skill set, what do you think I chose to do for my career? 

Fitness coaching, counting reps, and having people admire my abilities became my safe place in life. At this point in my career, I want to share my knowledge with anyone who will listen. My current gateway for spreading knowledge is through social media. The very first time in my life I decided to speak on camera was a Sunday night alongside a great friend. I was so excited to speak about my passions on camera because this is what my whole career was about. I was very happy to make a video to post and show others what I am capable of. Unfortunately, it felt like I was back in my 3rd grade reading class all over again. My leg twitched so much that my knee swelled up for a week. I had a headache for 48 hours and a strained muscle in my neck. Sounds pretty silly, right? 

The next morning I noticed my hair was falling out. When I swiped my fingers through my hair, I had a fist full of 5-inch long brown hair in my hand. I thought to myself, “what is happening?” I certainly did not believe this could have all commenced due to the stress of public speaking. After consulting with a doctor, I was diagnosed with alopecia, which is believed to be an autoimmune disease. So here we go! Stuttering made me focus on my inner being, so this should be easy. My looks should not define me, but can be used to motivate and encourage others. Back in third grade in 1991, there were no stuttering forums online to connect with others enduring the same experience as I was. At age 15, I discovered the benefits of health and fitness, and years I have turned it into a passion and career helping others do the same. Helping others is where I found peace with my own insecurities. At age 36, much older and I hope wiser, I want to thank everyone who is part of the alopecia community. Everyone in the alopecia world has played a part in my acceptance and evolution with this lifelong autoimmune disease. I recommend that others share their stories in times of trouble or question, as well. The hours I have spent reading blogs and discussions while on social media has encouraged me to be proud of who I am and who I have become. I have currently lost most of the hair on my head and have few thin white hairs. I could easily shave the tine bit off, but I choose to leave it as it is. Maybe this is my way of being proud to be a part of the alopecia world. The little white fuzz with random brown patterns and bald spots identifies me as part of that community that I am so proud to be a part of. The world is full of life, regrets, happiness, and growth. My journey has given me all of the above, and I am ready to take on whatever challenges presents itself in the next stages of my career and life.