It's like clockwork. Every time I get a little free time on my hands where there isn't anything to worry about (like now during my month long break from college) I get so depressed about my alopecia that I just feel so sick and tired of it all like I just want to be able to go to sleep and never wake up again because the effort of making my family and everyone else feel like I'm okay with everything is just too much. I love my family to death and they have been nothing but supportive but at the moment they are under enough stress that I just don't want to push my own problems on top of theirs. I've been to a therapist in the past but other than getting a good cry out every now and again it didn't really help and if I go see her then my parents will know how bad I'm doing right now and I just don't want them to have to worry about me right now. I guess it hasn't helped that I had to start looking for a new wig again since my old one was getting worn out, because no matter what looking for a wig always makes me feel so angry and frustrated and just worse in general. But its also the everyday things like my twin sister and my mum getting haircuts and just anybody talking about hair in general. I've never told my mum or my sister how much it hurts to hear them complain about a bad haircut or talk about going to the salon because they would feel so bad that it would make me feel even worse about everything and I'm not going to go tell some strangers to shut up especially when they don't know I have alopecia. I"m just sick of spending all of these important milestones in my life feeling like garbage like high school graduation or starting college. Nothing feels like a fresh start or like it matters because I'm always feeling like I have to lie to everybody but my family about who I really am. I guess I'm just at a loss, I don't know what to do anymore. Any suggestions?

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hello dielle, im so sorry to hear ur feelin really low just now, i also get like that as people always think ur ok cause i dont cry or talk about it, but i see myself starin at women on the bus at the shops and just starin at their hair, and i dont really tell my family how i feel, so i do know wt ur feelin, and im here anytime u want a chat private message me and we can chat then,
do u know if u have any alopecia support groups in ur area, i dont have any near me so was thinin of startin one up as i believe meetin people once a month could be very helpful and they would know exactly wat ur goin thro, i really hope u start to feel a little better sn, and try enjoy the xmas holidays,

and REMEMBER WE ARE ALWAYS HERE TO LISTEN,

take care, xx
Hey Dielle, I know and understand how you feel. At the beginning of getting alopecia in quarter spots I felt bad and then when the spots turned into big spaces of baldness I felt worst. I started with a hat and then my big spaces got bigger and now I have to wear a bandanna. I am totally bald with every now and then little prickles but while in college I wore the bandanna and a baseball cap. I ran track, learned how to play tennis and played basketball in college. I was even a writer for the college paper and many looked at me to say why am I always wearing a scarf/bandanna. Some kind of hinted, but I just told them that it was my mantra and everyone got used to seeing me with the scarf and I felt more comfortable about it. For a while I would go to doctors every month but then when their remedies didn't consistently work I plopped the scarf and cap on and went about my business. It tended to make me feel a bit better and that's what I do now. Wear a scarf/bandanna.
Sorry to hear you're feeling so down. I know this isn't the answer for everyone, but all I can tell you is what has worked for me. I've been much happier since I decided I was going to live my life as I am, covering up my bald head only when I need to for warmth or sun protection. Instead of repeating it all here, you can check out my profile page, photos, and blogs. Hope it helps.

Take care, and take it a day at a time...I was really depressed the first year, but now it's much better.
Mary
but see thats the thing I have been totally bald for like 7 almost 8 years and it just hasn't gotten any better. I just feel like I'm so tired of dealing with it all and that I just want to let it go but at the same time I just can't seem to let it go. I just feel so frustrated because it makes every memory a little less happy.
I know what you mean and I've been totally bald for over 10 yrs. I have resorted to wearing a scarf and cap and did what I have to do. I don't see any improvement but yet I have stopped going to doctors for years and just tried to eat healthy. Have you tried getting salve as a topical ointment or rogaine? I've been busy trying to keep working and speaking with friends and glad I'm not haunted about why I wear a scarf. One of my friends of 3 years has asked why I wear the scarf all the time but I told her that it was my trademark, my mantra and she hasn't been persistent in asking me. Guess I will tell her if soon because I don't want to deceive her.
I tried Rogaine and a couple of other products but nothing worked. I went to a specialist in New York and he said that there is hair in every follicle but it just doesn't want to grow. So I guess that is the frustrating part its there but its just not doing anything and its those little white fuzzy baby hairs that you can't see.
Hey Dielle,
I know what you mean and when I look closely at my bald head in the mirror and over a light I can see in areas prickly hairs and near my sideburns sometimes I see a strand of hair maybe 1/2 inch and then before you know it that strand has fallen out and that's it. It gets disgusting but like I said I just put on my scarf everyday and a decorative baseball cap and out I go doing whatever I have to do. In the house I unfortunately keep the scarf on because my mother is there or others and I just don't want them to see my bald head. Fortunately I make money in a job that wearing a scarf doesn't matter and that's cleaning apts. Everyone can't do that but they have to think of something/ some job that wouldn't be stressful when you have to wear a scarf.
Hi Dielle

I understand where you are coming from... the problem with therapy is that you need to either see it as an outlet (e.g. the place you go to vent, talk and cry) or to see it as a step to moving forward to the acceptance stage. There comes a time where in order to be at peace with yourself (both your mind and your physical body) you have to accept that your hair may never come back and that for you to have no hair is currently your 'normal'. Accepting that it is not your fault and that you cannot change it, is a big step to fighting against it or wishing constantly for it to come back. The problem with not accepting is that it leaves you feeling very down and in a constant roller coaster of emotional turmoil where you feel good when you are busy because you are not acknowledging your true feelings, but as soon as you have time on your hands you realise how you genuinely feel.

As many people have said, a lot of us have found sollace and comfort in each other on here or via support groups and in being able to be: open and honest about our hair loss. Feeling that you have to hide your hair loss is stressful because the hair loss itself becomes a big secret and with most secrets there are feelings of guilt, shame and emabarrassment. No one wants to carry around the secret of having hair loss - we have not done anything wrong, therefore, we have nothing to be ashamed of or to feel guilty for. One of the reasons that many people feel scared to be open about their hair loss is because it is like exposing a part of them and it feels a vulnerable thing to do. However, many of us have found it a liberating experience. By being open you are taking control of the situation which feels a powerful thing to do and is quite the opposite of experiencing the hair loss process where we lose the control of whether our hair stays on our heads. You can choose to wear your wigs or scarves or hats or be bald... but making the CHOICE is different to feeling forced to wear them. I choose to wear things on my head because I generally find it more comfortable to have either a warm head or a protected (from the sun) scalp. If people comment on my hair and I feel like saying about it, I tell them that it is a wig or if they ask about my scarf, I explain why I am wearing it. In that way, I am in control of the sitiuation. There will always be some people who are not that nice about it, but you learn to take the rough with the smooth and to let their negativity flow over you like water over a duck's back.

There are some things we can never change - shopping for wigs is generally a stressful hassle. Having to listen to other people talking about their hair salon trips is hard and upsetting - I used to have to listen to an office full of women talking about theirs and at first I found it hard, but I eventually became pleased for them that they had their hair and could go through that experience because I would not wish hair loss on anyone. The 'big events' in life such as: formal events and things like job interviews are always going to be that bit more stressful because of hair loss. Unfortunately there is little we can do to change it except changing our attitude towards those events and other people... we can find positives in the negatives.

Vicky
I guess I am just frustrated too because I get these times where I feel like I have accepted it and I can move on. I even started wearing just a bandanna to the barn that I ride at because the summers here are crazy humid, but then I get moments like this where I realize I still haven't. I don't know if its because I have an identical twin that has a full head of hair, and even though she shares every other autoimmune disorder I have she doesn't have this one or at least doesn't show signs of having it even if it is dormant. I also had a really tough first three years with the disorder because there was this one kid that teased me incessantly and he got others to do the same. I think I just never got over it. I want so bad to be okay with it but I just don't know how to get there, and I mean really get there.
Hello Dielle and all the rest of the Alopecians,
I've had alopecia for total of 30 years and I've just learned to deal with it. Some days are a bit more stressful than others but as the years go on you will learn to get around the stressful part and live and enjoy the unstressed part. I keep the bandana on and being here in NYC as it is today was in the low 20s, freezing weather. I had on the bandana and a baseball cap along with a hood over my head. No one at that point will care if I had a full head of hair or no hair. It was freezing and everyone here was just trying to stay warm. I knew a friend for 3 years and when she made the comment twice about my scarf ( she did it in a nice way), I just couldn't and didn't want to hide the alopecia thing so in a text I told her. She works in a hospital so I just convinced myself that she wouldn't reject me because I had no hair on my head. She and I are good therapist for each other and she accepted me as if she didn't even know about the alopecia. I feel good now and can go on and not hide the fact. Still wish my hair would all grow in but as long as I haven't had hair on my head, guess that would be a funny shocking thing to deal with too! Here for all of you!

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