Dating with alopecia

I'm a twenty-something and attempting to meet and date new people. Scary enough right? Well I also lost all of my hair and wear a wig. I'd love to hear all of your stories (good and bad) about dating with alopecia. I know this is a very loaded topic but I'd feel a lot better with this new venture knowing how others have navigated the many issues.

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Permalink Reply by Maire on June 21, 2014 at 12:13pm

Hi Lana,

I started to lost my hair when I was 21 and I'm 37 now.  I'm not in a relationship at the moment but I've dated plenty of guys over the years.  Having alopecia can add another challenge to the whole dating scene but at the same time it's never been a barrier.

I generally tell guys about my hairloss when I feel comfortable.  Sometimes that's been on the 2nd or third date and sometimes it's been longer than that. It just depends on the situation.  In my experience, I've yet to meet a guy who's bothered by it.  I'm actually pleasantly surprised how "unshallow" guys really are! 

 

Good luck with the dating!

Máire

Permalink Reply by Heather Tarantino on June 22, 2014 at 8:19pm
Hi Lana! I completely understand your concerns about dating.. for example..worrycompletely fore he knows he will go in for a kiss and he will try to run his fingers through your hair and trying to divert such actions.
Although I have run into a few jerks, I found that 99.6% of the men I told were completely okay with it, and actually thought it was really cool that I had no hair anywhere. ;-) I found that I often got more worked up and worried for no reason.
Anyone who wouldn't date you for having no hair isn't worth dating anyway.
Best of luck to you!
Permalink Reply by transam9304 on July 18, 2014 at 11:10am

i have been diagnosed for about 3-4 years now. my problem is actually getting the first date with someone u have never met before. if the girl already knew me then its not a big deal bc they know by now that im not the same person i was 5 years ago. i feel like that first date and trying to meet someone new the first time is the hardest bc my condition is pretty obvious up close that something is wrong since my eyebrows are pretty much non existent and patches of baldness on my head. i feel like girls are like what is wrong with this freak? but maybe im wrong. i just came out of a long relationship and the thoughts of trying to date someone new seems to be hard. dont mean to be a debbie downer but like u said in ur post it is a scary thought. 

Permalink Reply by Rose Marie' on August 31, 2014 at 7:05pm

I have been discussing this with my daughter lately.  It is a bit of a conundrum, especially for those that wear wigs.  When do you tell?  Do you have to tell?  Are you being deceptive if you don't tell....it's a tiring thought process.  

While my daughter was at school and university she was open about her alopecia, but preferred to present herself with hair.  She wears a Freedom Wig (Wigs actually - different colours and styles).  So, it is pretty obvious to anyone that knows her for any length of time that she is a wig wearer....:)

The thing that rankles with my daughter is that she is very honest and straight forward around her alopecia...but like everyone she has to work out what is the best time to discuss it with a prospective date.  On a couple of occassions she has done this before the date... there were no problems with that and the young men were still very keen to met her. (She liked them both...but did not want to go on further dates for various reasons).  

The last young man she met she told after the 2nd date....and yep he blew her off because of it.  Sad, as that is some people just can't handle this.  (More fool them in my mind...because my daughter is so much more than hairloss). My thoughts about this don't change the fact that my daughter had to go through rejection and all the miserable feeling rejection can bring.  (My life experience knows without doubt that some people are just unworthy for reasons you don't have to get into....let them go on their merry way).  You have to deal with your own feelings and become extremely resilient around who you are and what you need from people.  Never let someone else's disappointing choices define who you are.

Telling people is something that is personal and can only be worked out when you are with another person.  Everyone is different...there is no set right or wrong way to do this.  It just needs to be done when it is right for you.

Good luck to all those out in the dating world.

Rosy

Permalink Reply by Jewelzy on February 15, 2015 at 6:18am
I felt the same way.i was stuck in a terrible relationship with a man for 4 1/2 years who you it against and bullied me and it to a lot to escape but I did and I thought I finally found a nice man who didn't care etc but he dumped me cuz of it. So I thought stuff it I will never find a man who will accept it and see past it and I went on a dating site and started seeing this guy and when I started falling in love with him and I got drunk (couldn't do it sobor) and told him. he didn't react with everyone else did. I am still with him 1 year and 2 months later. Over Christmas we went to Queensland and I didn't wear my wig for the first time in front of him and he didn't care he just wanted me to be comfortable. You will find a guy who loves you and sees past your alopecia
Permalink Reply by maryapple on March 10, 2015 at 4:34am

Finding love is a hard task, especially if you've got any "interesting" problem. But let's call it an "uncommon peculiarity"!) And what about feelings and love... Sometimes you shouldn't do it on purpose - it finds you faster!) Most of us know that like nobody. Feelings and emotions should play their part when talking to anybody. How you know - maybe this is your true love! And you haven't understood that yet. If you're looking for extra friends, dates - visit https://kovla.com/datings/us/boston and find out, what love can be! Good luck!)

Permalink Reply by Sathjaya on March 10, 2015 at 3:03pm

With their silky smooth skin and flawless skin, I'd kill to date a girl with AU!  :)

Permalink Reply by Kataryna2015 on April 21, 2015 at 4:50pm

Don't be afraid of it! I'm also afraid..but I'm trying to communicate with other peole! Now I start with internet! Yeap, I commucicate with people via internet! I started to use this site=)) I hope I will find my soulmate. My brother with alopecia found his love=) But I think for men it's not so big problem as for women=) But I believe that I, and you, and everyone with alopecia will find love! We can be stronger together!=))))

Permalink Reply by ash.bash on April 21, 2015 at 11:23pm

I agree with not telling whoever you're seeing until it got more on the serious side. Before I went back to the doctors and started wearing wigs again, I wore a glued on hairpiece (I went to HairClub for about 3 yrs) so whenever someone met me, they never guessed I had Alopecia. My boyfriend and I met when I was still going to HairClub and about 3 months in he noticed how my scalp was shiny, in a glittery sense (which was due to the netting of the hairpiece) and so telling him about it was completely unplanned and out of the blue, but since we were exclusive for a few months, I felt more comfortable explaining it rather than blurting it out after just a few dates. He was the first boy I liked that I ever spoke openly to about it and we're celebrating our 2 year anniversary soon :) You should feel comfortable with them to a certain extent before sharing this. 

I'm here to talk if you need to! x

Permalink Reply by kdc2789 on May 23, 2015 at 11:43am
Hey Lana! I think you are so pretty. You would never be able to tell you wear a wig. I sent you a friend request in hopes that we can talk a little more. I hope you're still around. Take care.
Permalink Reply by Richardo on November 30, 2015 at 4:16am

I think, you should tell about your problem at start. It's good way for separating normal guys and idiots. Your hair is not a big deal. It's hard to make first impression, but after few years of living together it does not any matter, trust me. Maybe i think this way, because i am a man, but i told about my alopecia in first month. We talked only online (specific of dating sites such as https://www.bridge-of-love.com/) and it's not the same that real dating. Now we are married for few years and happy with each other. 

Permalink Reply by Eddiblueyes on January 8, 2016 at 4:11am
I found I do better in person as oppose to online. Online ur strictly judged on a first appearance. And I can't show how awesome I am:) I have had one female that I felt..she felt embarrassed by the stares at the beach once. She was very beautiful and pretty shallow. But she couldn't resist more could I..haha but I still felt weird in her presence like in public I felt like I HAD alopecia but i got the vibe from her. It just became too much. Most women I've dated tell me to take my hat off.lol some think I have hair..if I start to like her I tell her ASAP. Online dating sucks balls for me. It's Like fishing with a sock as bate:)all in all I guess it could be worse:)

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