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Everyone always thinks I'm going through cancer treatments
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Permalink Reply by BarbaraK on
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Of course. We can speak one on one more. Maybe now that we are friends I will be able to send you messages. I am still learning my way around this website.
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Permalink Reply by Rose Marie' on
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To Barbara K
Thanks....you sound like you are finding your way, I know it is never easy, but I also know that it can be done.
If I can ever be of support feel free to message me.
Rosy
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Thanks Rose Marie
. of course you can also feel free to chat, talk, Facebook which ever you like.
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Permalink Reply by BLee on
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Rosy,
I love what you wrote! Unless someone has alopecia, they truly can't understand what we experience! Shaving for support is admirable but it's their choice! We don't have a choice! It's never growing back for most of us! That's our reality and it sucks! I went to a support rally for my niece when she list her hair from chemo treatments and I went bald! First time ever in public! But people just thought I shaved for the event! It wasn't about alopecia! It made my niece feel better but didn't help me at all! I know that probably sounds so selfish! I helped her but the reality is my hair will still never grow back! I am right there with your daughter on people shaving to support! They don't need to it doesn't make us feel better!! Worse because we don't have that choice!
Well said! I finally feel I can connect with others with alopecia! I waited way too long! 26 years!
Thank you so much!
Bren
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BarbarsK,
I had the very same thing happen to me at the checkout line on grocery store! I went with just my hat on and a lady came up to me and said "oh my mother just went through treatment for cancer, you're so brave", well I was annoyed to say the least! I felt violated that she would get into my personal space! I just wanted to go go the store and get home! I just shook my head yes to her and didn't say anything else. I didn't tell her I have alopecia! I wanted to say, you have no idea what my story is so mind your own business! I was in no mood to explain my business. People just have no clue!! I feel I have to wear my wigs just so people mind their own business! I know that sounds bad but sometimes I just want to go out bald and people not look at me different! I want to say no it's not cancer and no it is never growing back! Sometimes I just need to vent! Sorry! I feel I can vent here since we all have alopecia. As you can tell I have 26 years bottled up that I need to get out!
Bren
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BLee,
I would just go out bald. Even though I didn't lose all of my hair and people stare, I don't care. I couldn't wear my wig, scarves, or hats all the time. Just go out bald and proud and go forward, keep walking forward. I am not saying to keeping walking and be rude. But, to keep moving forward because it is who you are.
I think it is about accepting yourself and not caring about what other's may think.
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You are so right! I have a hard time with accepting it! I get all nervous and uncomfortable if people look at me like there is something wrong with me! I was always so comfortable in my skin and popular in school! Then bam! I feel shy and not very pretty anymore! My husband is amazing and has stuck by me through it all! We have been together 28 years and have two wonderful sons and two granddaughters! Life is great but I still have my struggles!
Thanks again for listening! Anything you would like to share? I feel I'm doing all the wining!
Bren
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BLee,
Um yeah, people are going to stare but, maybe they are thinking to themselves "Look how pretty she is!" Maybe they too think you are courageous but are afraid to say anything for fear that they may say the wrong thing. I couldn't just go up to someone who is bald and say "you know you are so pretty or so handsome" imagine the looks I'd get from total strangers.
Now a friend or loved one is a different story and now that I am getting to know you, I'd tell you. If I saw you in a wig store and you were looking at a wig that I like, I'd be like "wow that's a cute one, I'd get it"
There are exceptions to the rule. I grew up in Special Ed classes in school and we were always stared at and other kids always had something to say. Unfortunately there are even adult bullies. Which by the way I don't like it when someone is bullied.
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I have only once been asked if i had cancer.
Once at a class, a fellow student told me i looked like a murderer in the paper. I had a look and the miscreant had AU. Cheers mate for making the connection.
I have been asked if i might be sick lol with a concerned face.
Heer is what to do!
1 tell them you don't have long
2 ask for a £100 donation
3 smile
4 either walk off or tell them about ALOPECIA
Just par for the course.....
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Wow! Dom LOL! I have AA, I don't know about the first two, but, I do like the last two.
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I felt awful after I was in a supermarket check out line wearing a scarf and the cashier asked me, with deep concern, how I was feeling. Well, I was exhausted, had about had it with running around after kids, and probably could have used a boost in my blood sugar, but I was taken aback that I looked so bad that she sounded concerned. Did I really look as stressed as I felt? Should I find a place to sit down? I assured her that I felt fine, and then, only after walking away, did I realize she must have thought I was undergoing cancer treatments.
There have been a couple of occasions when I suspect people were extra accommodating to me because they thought I had cancer. That's a weird situation to be in because I don't want to take advantage of anyone's misplaced sympathies, but on the other hand, if I am, say, traveling with three kids across the country and our flight is delayed but we somehow get put on an already full connecting flight, I'm not about to launch into a discussion of it only being alopecia.
I don't want anyone to think I have cancer when what I have is so much more benign, but on the other hand, I don't feel that I should have to hide my alopecia, which is certainly a legitimate condition, just to ensure no one jumps to the wrong conclusion. Around people I know I am extremely open about my hair loss just so that no one has a chance to wonder if I have cancer.
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