Finding strength from the wonderful people here

I found strength through this forum and the wonderful people on it.  I dance, I show dogs, and a lot of that is about appearance so I got a wig and was wearing it all the time.  I ride a motorcycle, and can not wear the wig under my helmet, so was doing a sleight of hand to try to get my wig on before anyone noticed.   I went out on my motorbike to a tourist town, where no one knew me.  There I was about to try my 'trick' and I suddenly thought "what the L"!! and decided to go "topless"!!  I walked around totally bald and no one gave me a second look.  I wandered into stores and chatted with the check out girls and went to a coffee shop and sat at one of their tables on the street treating myself to a pastry.  It was so totally freeing.  Of course that one step did not lead me to instantly go wigless, but slowly I started not wearing it at home and then after that when I was where no one knew me.  

I have friends who have cancer and have no hair as a side effect of the treatment.  I have a wonderful friend dying of the worst kind of MS.  She is to the point she can not even pee without help!!  She is so STRONG and positive!!  I came to the realization that there are FAR worse and deadly things to have than AU!!  I started looking at the positives.  No such thing as a bad hair day.  No helmet hair.  I can shower and go to bed without having to deal with wet hair.  I never have a bad hair day.  With summer coming on I am going 'topless' more and more.  My husband loves my smoothness and no hair in my intimate area.  VBG!!  

I decided to 'come out' on Facebook.  While I have not posted any photos, I told about the AU, what it is and why I am getting more ok with it (its not fatal and its not contagious!!!).

So I still wear a wig when showing dogs and dancing because I feel 'prettier' that way, but on a day to day basis I go topless. Now all the stress of AU has left me.  I just love when the Drs say "its caused by stress, lessen the stress in your life" when the very AU was causing your stress!!  Yeah - that is SO helpful!!  That is gone now.  Slowly I came to this place and it was caused by the wonderful people HERE.  Their strength and their courage.  I have had AA off and on since I was 27.  Last July it suddenly stopped any regrowth and started on its path to AU. I have no hair anywhere, no eyebrows or eye lashes.  I use make up to cover that fact when I am out dancing or dog showing, but not on a daily basis.  I am 51

I have realized that if someone has a problem with how you or someone else looks, that is THEIR problem not yours.  I have been approached now by people who have had cancer or who have relatives with cancer.  I explain I don't have cancer, but have AU and that I am lucky - its not life threatening.

Truly if you understand that there are FAR worse things out there to have, it helps you deal with AU.  

Love yourself first.  Appreciate your life.  Find the positives.  Hang out with people who appreciate you for who you are.  Wear a wig if you want to and don't if you don't want to and to "L" with what others think.  Its about being comfortable in your own skin.  I happily accept any friend requests so if you need someone to chat with, friend me

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Permalink Reply by MandaDeuce on July 6, 2014 at 8:38pm

I really needed this!! I've been recently diagnosed with CCCA and there are moments when I'm optimistic and just ready to shave it all off before it gets worse! Then there are moments when my anxiety gets the best of me and I'm completely overwhelmed trying to grasp this new information that's been given to me! But we do have much to be grateful for!!

I ride motorcycles myself, and I agree 100% about helmet hair LOL I use to put my wigs in my backpack and run to the bathroom with my helmet on before anyone could see me! I guess those days will soon be over!! haha

Thanks again!! 

Permalink Reply by Fiona on July 6, 2014 at 11:36pm

Enjoy the no "helmet hair"!!  I certainly do!    I do wear a silk balaclava under the helmet as it makes it more comfortable.  I had to buy a smaller helmet as my old one did not fit so well with no hair!!  LOL.  You can either laugh at this stuff or cry and crying does no good and ruins your makeup, so laugh along with me.  

Permalink Reply by michelle on July 7, 2014 at 12:28am

What a lovely post!  I love the 'no helmut hair'....I went through a similar 'coming out process' over the last year.  As you did, one step at a time; taking little risks and I am completely au natural.  The one thing I try not to do is minimize my experience of AU.  I allowed myself to grieve through my hair loss.  Of course I know that there are worse illness to have.  For me this isn't about finding a silver lining.  Losing my hair (and I had a long thick dark head of hair that I loved) was a loss.  I needed to honour that loss in its own merit without any minimization in order to move forward.    

FYI, I've been told I wear bald well....

thanks for your post,

Michelle

Permalink Reply by Fiona on July 7, 2014 at 1:06am

Thanks Michelle.  What you say makes so much sense.  

Permalink Reply by bevvy on July 7, 2014 at 8:35am

Hi Fiona.                                 What a brilliant post.  you are really brave. I have AU & it happened over 6 weeks over last christmas. I alway take my hair off the minute I  walk indoors. I prefer no hair indoors & now when people come round they have to accept me with no hair. I do go out to the bins with no hair & nobody in the street has passed comment but am not brave enough to go around all day with no hair. one day soon i hope i will be able to

All the best :-)

 

Permalink Reply by Fiona on July 7, 2014 at 12:39pm

That is how I started after the 'freedom bike ride '!!  :-)  Little by little, expanding when I go topless!  It is still a work in progress as I have not done it when dancing or in the show ring.  You are in the UK?  Bins rather than trash cans!!  I am a Brit who moved to CA in 92.  On a hot muggy day, try going to the store or some such topless.  That is what helped me.  Nondescript places where people do not know you, that is the key to going out with no wig.  Good luck

Permalink Reply by bevvy on July 7, 2014 at 2:04pm

Yes I'm in the UK - the bins gave it away. :-  )  I will try when I'm next out on the bike & where nobody knows me.

Permalink Reply by Fiona on July 7, 2014 at 2:15pm

Good for you.  Do let me know how it goes if you do it

Permalink Reply by Debbi Fuller on July 7, 2014 at 9:28am

Hi Fiona, I can relate to your chosing the motorcycle community to 'bare all'.  There are so many characters who ride, that you don't feel out of place no matter WHAT you do!  That was one reason I tattooed my head!  Love it when some big biker guy says, "hey, lady, nice ink!  Did that hurt?"  Don't get me wrong, I LOVE my vacuums, but I also LOVE being able to go without - mostly all the time at home, and lots of other places too, like the lake, biking, gardening etc.  I wear hair when I want to look as you put it, "pretty".  I consider it a fashion accessory like earrings, make-up and great clothes!  GOOD FOR YOU!!

Permalink Reply by Fiona on July 7, 2014 at 12:41pm

Exactly!!  I love that - a fashion accessory!!  That is how I will now think of my wig  :-)  A friend sent me an article on Henna tattoos where they do the most amazing patterns almost like a crown.  If I can find a good henna artist I plan on having one done!!  So cool.  So what is your tattoo and DID it hurt?

Permalink Reply by Debbi Fuller on July 7, 2014 at 1:48pm

I have a bunch.  My first was a little bee, then I added our cat, then our motorcycle (Harley soft tail heritage classic, then a tree (to park the bike under), then an Pan Am airplane (because I was a Pan Am flight attendant back in the day), then a dragon (with eyelashes), then LIVE FREE OR DIE (I'm from NH), then morning glories all around my head and finally, at the nape of my neck, a beautiful green luna moth.  And YES, it hurts a LOT.  I'm just a glutton for punishment I guess!  I've seen the henna tattoos and they are beautiful.

Permalink Reply by Fiona on July 7, 2014 at 1:55pm

Sounds cool.  I love dragons, but not pain!!  LOL  My bike is a Ducati Monster.  I am in CA.  Where are you?

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