Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Rose Marie' on January 14, 2012 at 6:48pm

Hello Lexie

My daughter lost her hair at the same age as you. It is not easy and I can understand how you may be feeling.

Acceptance is something that comes when you start to feel like you are heading in a direction that is positive and works for you. There are many choices on how you may like to deal with your alopecia. Keeping it a secret is one. But as you know this can sometimes hinder people in taking positive steps towards things that may help.

The things that helped both me and my daughter were education and proactive investigation. Knowing all there is to know is very empowering and finding out what has helped others may be part of the process with you helping yourself.

This is a very difficult condition/disease to deal with and you aren't alone in not knowing where to go next. Read all you can here and ask as many questions as you need as it will all help.

If I can help in any way just pop into my page and say hi or leave a message here.

Rosy

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Permalink Reply by Kathryn on January 16, 2012 at 8:35pm

I agree with Rose Marie in that, rather that sit back and accept the "cards that were dealt" it is better to be proactive. Educate yourself as much as possible, and take steps be your healthiest. Although it can be difficult to open yourself to others, perhaps there is a support group in your area with whom you can discuss your alopecia. Do something nice for yourself... buy a nice hat or scarf. Loosing one's hair is scary and feels so unfair, but hang in there Lexie. You have support here.

Kathryn

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Permalink Reply by BTB (John) on January 17, 2012 at 5:15pm

All perfectly valid feelings and emotions to have, and every one takes the steps at their own pace. No right or wrong way to do what you have to do, Pat took a long time to come out and say I am bald, she took 17 years before going public and she did when she was ready and is now fine about it. Who really needs to know about your health or in fact anything about you, only those you count as needing to know. Anyone who is outside your need to know friends does not count, well that is how Pat and I handles the whole Alopecia thing.

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Permalink Reply by SilkHead on January 19, 2012 at 1:04pm

In order for me to begin my process of acceptance, I had to go back and begin to heal the scars. There is this huge part of me that picks everything apart, that is hyper aware of people and what they think. I needed to recognize that what I thought about people wasn't always the truth. I had to learn to believe and like myself. I never really did. Find a support group in your area for alopecia maybe? Start doing some self affirmations and look yourself in the mirror. Begin to think diffrently and believe bald is beautiful.

I started collecting images of beautiful bald women, so I didn't feel so alone. I had something to gauge my idea of beauty by.

I do believe tho, the journey to acceptance is a personal one. Maybe your curiosity and post on here is your first step. I think acceptance comes when we have a desire to change and we surrender.

Wish you the best

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Permalink Reply by Alliegator on January 23, 2012 at 10:09am

I was diagnosed with AGA when I was in high school. I was able to conceal mine too. The suggestion that I have is for you to take baby steps. Every baby step helps! It might take time, but I believe you can come to accept it. One thing that I would say to try is talking to people about it. I know you said you are scared at how they will react but don't be! Maybe try talking to one person who is close to you first. Then, when you are ready again, talk to a different person about it. The more you talk, the better I think you will feel about it. Not everyone will understand, but I think you will find someone in your life who will listen. And we are here on this website to listen! I think you said you started wearing pieces, but that was another thing that helped me. I started to regain confidence from the wigs. The confidence and talking about it both helped me a lot. For years, I would cry each time I talked to my family about it. Now, I can talk openly to anyone! Just remind yourself that there is light at the end of the tunnel.

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Permalink Reply by Sonia on February 10, 2012 at 5:54am

Hi Lexie,

I have had alopecia for nearly 4 years now and it's only been in these last few weeks that I have begun to accept that I will ALWAYS have alopecia, before now I lived in hope that my hair would grow back. These last few weeks have been a journey in themselves, I never knew that such support was out there, that there was such a strong Alopecia community (Only found this website today!)
The more you reach out, the more you will find!!!

I totally agree with Rose Marie and SilkHead... This is your first step :)
Good Luck :)

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Permalink Reply by Dee on April 15, 2012 at 3:10pm

I so feel you on this topic. What you have to do is pray for self-acceptance ..that is if there is nothing you can do to help reverse your condition. Also, realize your self worth and that just because you do not have a full head of hair..it does not make any less of a person.
This is therapy for me as I write this because I have neen dealing with hairloss....worsening since I was in my 20's..I am now in my early 40's. I still am uncomfortable with my alopecia but try to manage with 1/2 wigs etc.. Honestly, I don't think I will ever be 100% comfortable with my alopecia but will continue to build my self esteem by realizing my worth.
Peace and blessings to you...

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Permalink Reply by Dorothy G. on May 6, 2012 at 11:43pm

Hi Lexie,
I have had aloecia for almost 3 years. I spent a lot of time being frustrated with it and upset eith my hair obsessed teenager.

Right now I'm relieved that my hair drastically came out a few months ago. It made me do things immediately. I now have two wigs for work and going out and am sewing headscarves and chemo caps to wear (and to donate to charity) when I find patterns I like. I also felt better after shaving my head, which I never thought I would do. Now I don't worry about my hair coming out but am hoping my eyelashes and brows stay.

Like others have said, find out what information you can. Do what you can do to be comfortable with yourself.

There are a few advantages to being bald - I can take a shower at night. When I had hair, I didn't do that because my hair was messed up in the morning and I would feel like I needed another shower to fix it. Showers can be fast and don't require time with the hair dryer.

Taking off my wig instantly cools me down.

I like the feel of satiny headscarves on my scalp and I like the options of wearing a wig or something else.

Taping my wig down has helped my concerns over windy days. Now I just have to figure out how I will ride roller coasters! I'm not giving anything up to aloecia! I'm done worrying about it.

I know that I can live with aloecia and still be the person I have been.

Hope this helps!

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Permalink Reply by Dielle on May 7, 2012 at 12:13am

Someone once told me that my alopecia would allow me to sift through all of the people not worth knowing a lot faster. He also said that it would help me find the people worth knowing a lot faster. That is how I have chosen to look at things, because that way if someone says something stupid I can laugh to myself at their stupidity and move on. I think it is also really important to learn what acceptance of alopecia is going to mean for you because it could be that you want to walk around without a wig if you want to or that you always wear a wig. For a really long time I was frustrated and angry because I was wearing a wig because I felt like I had to and not because I wanted to, but because of some bad experiences throughout school and I was too afraid to let people see the alopecia version of myself. It held me back and kept me from doing a lot of things that I really wanted to do. It took a long time for me to move past all of the things that had been said and done to me before I could walk out without a wig, but it felt great. Now if I am hot or I just don't want to bother then I go out without my wig on. Therapy can be a great option, I did that and went to a hypnotist so that I could get a more positive loop playing in my head and so that I could build my self-confidence. Everybody's situation is different and everybody has different things that they need to address before they can fully accept their alopecia, so you need to take a good look inside yourself and figure out what negative emotions are keeping you from accepting your alopecia so that you can start coming up with ways to fix them. Happiness doesn't just happen, it is something that you have to create for yourself. For me it helped to make a list of all of the pro's to having alopecia, changing your negative thoughts about alopecia to positive ones can really help you to come to peace with it. It is such an emotionally charged disorder and we all end up being our worst enemies. We tell ourselves that somehow we aren't good enough or worthy of good things happening to us that we make it our reality. Over the past few months as I have started to venture out without my wig I have realized that people will respond the way you show them to respond. I walk out with confidence and a sense of humor and it makes people feel less uncomfortable and like they can ask me questions. I've had nothing but positive responses so far in part I think because I feel happy and I look happy and people respond accordingly. I'm not saying that I will never come across some idiotic people, which is why I have little comebacks prepared for anybody that feels like being a jerk today. As long as you prepare yourself for the different scenarios that could occur you won't panic or feel stressed out when someone says something or does something rude or insensitive. I wish you best of luck!

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