Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Chefpam on January 25, 2011 at 8:02pm

Bald isn't for me right now either. I couldn't pull it off like these lovely people on here do. I don't have the face or head for it. Thanks for sharing your stories with me and for the encouragement. There's no words for how much it means to me. Cathryn, the get a friend part is really tough. All my friends have hair and I have no one to relate to as far as someone in reality here to talk with face to face. I sure hope to get where you gals are some day. I want my little girl to see that beauty really does come from within. We are from Ky, but I tell you the stereotypical hillbilly cliche sure doesn't apply. Women are very superficial and competitive here. Which is really one thing I don't miss about society. I just want to not have the feelings of shame or embarrassment over something I have no control over...How do you gals stand the wigs in the heat, on a boat, etc. I have type A personality, always had to know what I was doing the next day, wearing, etc. and this is all so difficult...it's like I have to have an action plan. Gail, your statement literally made me cry-I will figure this out and I will be teaching again and will have my self confidence. I am going to start speaking it. Thanks again ladies...you are awesome. Much love.

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Permalink Reply by Gail on January 25, 2011 at 8:22pm

Awww. I didn't mean to make you cry!! I have had many moments myself. I have only been wearing a wig a little over a year and cannot tell you how this whole no-hair nonsense has affected my confidence and self-esteem. I used to be assertive and a natural leader, and now I am a recluse and would rather just fade into the background. I have come a ways in the past year, but I do have set backs. I know what you mean about superficial - men AND women. Sometimes, people really suck. Atlanta is probably once of the worst areas - there are more plastic surgeries and boob jobs here than you can imagine. And except for black ladies with extensions, wigs, and weaves, wigs are meant for women undergoing chemo. I have yet to see an alopecian woman go bald here, though I have seen them with wigs. Tough world we live in.

As far as jobs go, I have been working on a contract basis for a woman who I will soon be working full time for, and she does not know I wear a wig! I feel like telling her, just to get it over with. She's a tough nut to work for and I feel this will only add to her arsenal of ammunition. Ugh.

And forget dating! You have a husband who loves you and has gone through this with you. Imagine the ordeal we single girls face! I feel I am destined to be a single forever now. Sad, because I have so much to offer.

And if it makes you feel any better, I too have an "ugly" head - not suitable for wiglessness! So wigs it is - heat, rain, working out, whatever. I haven't found one I love yet, so I keep trying different styles/colors.

Hang in there babe. Reach out any time you feel the need. We're all in this together.

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Permalink Reply by Chefpam on January 26, 2011 at 10:26am

Thanks again Gail. Isn't to bad that people just can't put themselves in others shoes? I always tried to do that. Not to stroke my own ego, but I always had a big heart before any of this came along...that's why I went into teaching special needs kids. Maybe one day all this will be behind us and we will be like, "I can't believe I made such a big deal out of that." Let's hope so.'

One of my biggest issues is the hair I still have...sigh...I have to just keep it in a low bun all the time and it still falls out. I was lying on the couch last night with my little girl and 4 hairs just fell on my arm. It never stops. I use to pray that God let it stop falling out and now I pray that it either goes or stays and just stops the torture.

Regarding the single issue-I can't imagine. It's so hard to trust people these days. But being married and then getting alopecia is hard too. You feel like you are not really the person he married-you don't look like that person in the photos anyway. You become insecure and question everything. So I guess there's no easy scenario. You do sound like you have a lot to offer. It's amazing to me how wonderful all the people are who I have met with alopecia. That's the kind of person I would want to date, LOL...Thanks again for all the encouragement. Hugs and prayers.

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Permalink Reply by Cathryn F. on January 27, 2011 at 8:26am

Yes getting a friend has been a blessing. She's so into it and supportive now she's considering opening a wig business! We now live in different states though, but we stay in touch. Superficial doesn't bother me, just spend a while with people and that all fades away anyway, or find another friend to talk to. But that's exactly why I expected to be bashed for wigging it, or moreover being such an advocate of them. When it becomes "Just another part of your day" it's when it's suddenly no big deal. If you ever make it to the "awesome expression of style" stage, then they rock! It's when your perspective can magically change that obstacle into an opportunity! Can you believe people could be jealous of you in a wig? Think about that! I will support anyone here for any reason, bald or not. I had too much bashing growing up to do anything else. My own ignorance is the only real opposition I face now :). Love to you too!

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Permalink Reply by Chefpam on January 27, 2011 at 8:53am

I will be praying for a friend to share with. But it is so great to have you guys. NO, I can't imagine someone ever being jealous of me and my wig, LOL. I guess my scalp pain is my biggest issue. It makes me dread the wig and as far as bonding-that's not an option for me and I don't think I ever could because of my psoriasis. Yeah, it's like so many obstacles!

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Permalink Reply by Hope on November 13, 2011 at 9:29pm

I also wear mine 100% of the time when I'm out of the house and only on the weekends if I'm not going anywhere will I let my bald head breath! I remember though when I first started wearing them how uncomfortable they were, I guess after awile you just adjust and don't notice it anymore. It just one day becomes part of you and you very rarely even think about once you put it on each morning. Good luck to you on making the decision that is the best for YOU!!

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Permalink Reply by Deirdre on January 26, 2011 at 8:18pm

I am an attorney and have to wear my wig all day. It is pretty brutal, hot, annoying, etc. But I just don't think a bald attorney will make clients feel comfortable nor portray the image I need to for my job. Also I just don't feel pretty without any hair. But I think what bothers me the most is the inability to be diverse during the work week. What I mean is that I have a bunch of wigs in all different styles and colors- long, short bob, pixie, red, black, streaked, etc. I love changing it up depending on my mood. But with work I always have to wear the same one. Originally I did that so no one would know. Now, 2 years later I don't really care if people know. But I also don't want to have to talk about my alopecia every time I change my hairstyle of wig and people inevitably ask about it. I honestly just can't be bothered with the constant questions or comments. So...I end up wearing the same one (the one in my pictures on here) for anything work related and only change it up with my other wigs on weekend or on vacation, etc.

I am also single. I went through a divorce while I still had hair and now I am single and bald. It is horrible. I feel so awkward dating and especially when things get physical and the damn wig doesn't stay on. I have had some horrible things happen while getting "frisky" and it would be damn funny if it wasn't so devastatingly embarrassing. And then if a new relationship doesn't work out I always wonder was it because I am bald? Or what? I always tell a guy about 2 or 3 dates in. I am seeing a guy right now who I told on our 2nd date. I had to tell him since my hair started moving when we were kissing! UGH! So I told him b/c i didn't want to scare the beejezsus out of him by my hair suddenly ended up in his lap or something. He didn't seem to care and we have gone on 3 more dates since but now I haven't heard from him in a while and maybe he is just busy or whatever but I can't stop the little voice in my head from saying "he doesn't want a bald girl!"...anyway just thought I would share. I need to save the $$ to get some freedom hair so at least I don't have the hair falling off during sex issue anymore! LOL

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Permalink Reply by Cathryn F. on January 27, 2011 at 8:42am

Maybe you need to keep looking... or get them to understand that if the relationship is going to work, you have to accept ALL of each other, and that this is a part of you.
I have to say from experience in past and present relationships...and I will keep this short: some guys really dig 'em ;-).

As for the heat, I live in the sunbelt and even then, it's really not been an issue. I am not sure how ya'll are bonding or attaching, but maybe that needs a look? There are some styles out there that are very airy, and while am not at 0% hair yet, I saw a video discussing heat in a vacuum wig (it's all silicone base after all), but can't afford that anyway. I suppose I got used to the heat, and maybe I now find the slight warmth comfortable. Even on a 99 degree day at the beach it's not coming off, so maybe I made the choice to be with that versus the alternative. I never really considered the why's till I saw your posts.

I prefer synthetics like some of you as well, because I am just too lazy to style the things, lol. I also still have issues about "someone else's hair" on my head, but I will have to get past that I think. They can be fussy in the water, but I have a cap that works ok. 24/7 bonding is in my future too. I was particularly curious about this (no clue where to buy): http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XI3dOvsHRVg (Sorry I couldn't figure out how to post links).

As for sleeping, you can get a wig bonnet (they make them for long hair too), or the lazy method was to save one of my old ones for use at night :) Oh, and btw, you need to TREAT YOURSELF TO SOME SATIN PILLOWCASES, hehe.

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Permalink Reply by Gail on January 27, 2011 at 8:45am

Deirdre, I am exactly in the same boat you are! I get tired of the same old style all the time, so I have a line-up of wig stands in my closet with blond, red, bobs, shags, etc. But when I go to work, it's the same old one - just to avoid questions and explanations.

Fortunately (or unfortunately), I have not run into the "frisky wig problem." That's because the only guy I have gotten to that stage with also had alopecia. The others I have dated never made it past date one or two, perhaps due to the fact that I revealed my "secret" early on and they bolted. Sad, but it's ok, because it really helps weed out the guys that are pretty shallow and fail to look past the hair.

Single forever here, I think.

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Permalink Reply by Chefpam on January 27, 2011 at 8:55am

Thanks for sharing Deirdre. I used to date an attorney and know what a tough job that is...you go girl. You look great. I feel really bad for you on the dating issue. When true love comes along it will know no boundaries I am sure. I hope the vacuum thing works out. That would be awesome...but not an option for me. Thanks for replying.

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Permalink Reply by Nancy on February 24, 2011 at 1:36am

My current relationship started literally in the MIDDLE of my hair going from bad to worse. When we first started dating I was wearing extensions 24/7 and having a hard time styling them to cover the bald spots. 3 months into it, I couldn't take it anymore and by this point- I hadn't even told him my hair issue but I'm sure he could tell...- so my first time really telling him was the same conversation i told him i just shaved my head. I remember sitting there with the phone and hanging up several times and turning SOOO red and feeling so embarassed and telling him that it would be OK if he didn't want to date my anymore. I know- way to sell myself short right? Luckily, he and I had been friends for many years before that. Turns out, he'd had a crush on my for a long time and thought I was sooo beautiful. I still feel guilty like- WOW for all the time we were friends I had no problems, then the moment we get together, I become bald!!! But our first year anniversary is in a few weeks and it has really been a blessing for someone to accept me as I am. The reality is- as AWFULLLLL as this is for all of us- it shows me he MUST love me for me because it's not for this lumpy bald head.

Still have many issues though- he constantly requests that I strut around in lingirie and a cute wig and i'm like dood- Im bald, how sexy do you really think I feel??? amazing that he finds me attractive... simultaneously mortifying!!!

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Permalink Reply by Chefpam on February 24, 2011 at 7:08am

Aw, that's the kind of stories I love Nancy! Sounds like you found yourself a keeper. I do miss feeling attractive and my husband doesn't get it. I hope I soon find a new attractiveness about myself. Thanks for sharing.

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