Furious

I'm furious. In the school lunchroom yesterday, one of the ADULT aides came up behind my daughter, who is in the 6th grade and has AA, and removed her hat (a fedora type hat) with no warning. She apparently "jokingly" put it on her head, then behind her back, pretending she would keep it. All the while, Signe was just trying to cover up her bald spots (which are many, and impossible to cover up". The aide then looked at her, dropped the hat back on her head and said, "oh, I forgot.".

Signe has been wearing hats and bandanas at school for over a year. The teachers and staff have all been notified of her condition. This woman sees her at lunch EVERY day. I find it hard to believe that she forgot.

I have sent a message to the principal, requesting a meeting. However, I really just want that aide's head on a platter. Is that too much to ask?

What would you do? Am I over reacting?

Maria

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Permalink Reply by Artemis88 on March 21, 2011 at 11:52am
That is absolutely ridiculous! People are SO TERRIBLE. That is my biggest fear. I grew up with AA and I KNOW as a kid it is impossible to explain to people. You do what you can to cover it up, and this adult should NOT have "forgotten" But if she was messing with her, putting it behind her back and all that, that was more than enough time for her to SEE the bald spots, which means she saw them and continued to "play" this game. I don't know about this one. If she claims she was playing and forgot, there is no way to really prove otherwise, so I don't think the school will fire her. I DO think they should suspend her, and they have no reason for NOT doing so. Because forgetting isn't even an excuse in a case like this. The fact that it took her so long to remember is what makes me suspicious. I wish I were there with you to give her a piece of my mind, you are NOT over reacting. NOT AT ALL.
I would tell that lunch aide or whatever she is to stay away from my daughter, not to look at her or talk to her, and if she is a teacher's aide, my daughter is NOT to be in ANY of her classes. EVER.
Permalink Reply by M on March 21, 2011 at 11:55am
No Maria, you are not over-reacting. I cannot imagine the school officials reacting any differently had this happened to one of their children. I certainly wouldn't give her possible job loss a second thought. She needs to be held accountable. I certainly don't believe she forgot. Her actions were cruel to say the least. She needs to be removed. I would also put in writing what took place, how your daughter responded and what you would like to see happen to this person. Send it or hand it to school officials when you speak to them so there is no question or forgetting, on their part, about how you feel and what you want to see happen after you have spoken to them.

Most Sincerely
Marie
Permalink Reply by Wendy on March 21, 2011 at 1:25pm
If that lady is that insensitive and stupid she should not be working around children
Permalink Reply by Dom on March 21, 2011 at 2:06pm
What this woman did at school; I also did to a pupil at school...........but let me set the scene.
Twenty five years ago I was a substitute teacher. I was working at one school with a particular good class, apart from one pupil! The pupil was fifteen, big, surly and was always looking for ways to get his friends attention by disrupting the class. He tried to stick his leg out to try and trip me. I controlled him well and use to keep him at the front after this. He always wore a black beret pulled down. During the second lesson he started "tricks" so i told him to give me his black beret.
He would not! Only one winner here! I ripped it off his head. The class was silent. He had quite severe Alopecia. To say i was fuming would be an under statement. I sent him to the Head and threw his beret out the door after him. Good for a discipline a showdown.
The ironic thing is i was suffering my second bout of Alopecia. I was paranoid lol and was continually patting the back of my head and making sure pupils NEVER got to see the back of my head. I use to sit at angles and walk around the class with my hand continually patting the back of my head( i could cover the spots).
I don't know on reflection who was the more sadder. The pupil or me. Alopecia can inhibit you greatly. You just have to learn.
Regarding the pupil. No one told me about his Alopecia. He was allowed back and could wear his beret, and he never said "boo" again. My hair grew back again in a few months and i went to work in USA.


Should the woman be punished or educated?

Depends on whether you like your justice served on a plate or severe chastisement, apology and warning will do.

For me the latter. Maybe the pupil and the woman can become friends and something fruitful can come out of it.
When it happened to me, no one knew about my Alopecia and i kept my secret lol.......but no internet then and i knew little about it. More enlightened times now. If you don't forgive, you will end up with defamation cases about people asking you if you have cancer.
Permalink Reply by Maria Jeremiason _ Signe's Mom on March 21, 2011 at 11:12pm
I talked with the principal today, she was shocked and very disturbed. She had a conversation with Signe first, then the aide. I am Signe's voice, but it is her decision and she would rather not talk about this issue any more. The aide has been given some type of reprimand, and she is on a tight leash. I had a great deal of outright bold words with the principal and she agreed with me all the way. The aide apologized to Signe in private today. When I asked Sig about it, she said she just didn't trust her, but she doesn't want to talk about it, she just wants it to be over. I need to respect that. However, I can't wait until the next time I see that woman in person...she will know who Mama Bear is in one look.

Thank you for the support and for allowing me to vent and to know that I wasn't just being sensitive. I can't tell you how much I appreciate having a place to "go" where there are people who understand.
Permalink Reply by Joshua on March 22, 2011 at 9:26am
Hi Maria,

You're doing the right thing and no over reacting. Its nothing more important than to sit down and discuss
Permalink Reply by Natalie Carmen Rosas on March 22, 2011 at 3:46pm
I am so sorry for you and your daughter.
You are not over reacting. I would ask she be fired right now! or sue the school, the aide and everybody in between. The damage to your daughters self esteem can take years to repair. Ugh! I am so mad now.
Permalink Reply by Lee on March 23, 2011 at 4:51am
Not over reacting at all! Some people that work in schools are clearly NOT qualified to work with children....I had a gym teacher like that! I guess the right thing to do is go straight to the school board. I however would go straight to the lunch lady and bitch her out...but, I have a bad temper...not recomending this. ugh! this angers me!
Permalink Reply by M on March 23, 2011 at 9:31am
Very well put Stacey.

(I think it is interesting that in this day and age of political correctness, that a child with Alopecia is not given that same halo of "protection" that others have. Ridiculous!! There are strict harassment and bullying laws in effect now in the schools to protect from things like this from happening..)


Marie
Permalink Reply by Jessica Frankland on March 23, 2011 at 10:48pm
I don't think it's an over reaction at all. If all staff was notified then it should be remembered. Do teachers forget about allergies or other conditions...no, so this should be no different. My mum would have done the exact same thing. Scheduling a meeting was definately the right thing to do.

I hope things turn out well. Big hug for Signe
Permalink Reply by Lisa on March 28, 2011 at 12:27pm
Hi, Maria...of COURSE you're not over reacting!!! my 10 year old daughter was diagnosed in December with AA, and I wanted to share something with you all...since she has lost a substantial amount of hair, we got her a very nice headband with human hair attached to it...it looks amazing and she got it over spring break and if you could've seen her face when she put it on...:)...i thought she could maybe ease her classmates into getting used to the piece by maybe wearing one of her giant headbands over it and since it was a bit lighter than her natural hair, maybe they would get used to it more gradually...but, NO. nIna insisted on wearing it in all it's glory back to school. The FIRST comment was, "What is THAT...a wig or something?"...OK. I died. Not to mention wanting to snap the neck of the girl (who has no filters anyway) who said it. A few other comments were made, and that night Nina said (for the first time ever) that she didn't want to go to school anymore. Dad and I said it's time. Time to let everyone know. Like she says, "Knowledge is POWER!", my girl's so super smart... and so...we did. I have the letter that I emailed to the parents of her homeroom, and I couldn't believe the responses. Moms wrote back about their kids' asthma, hair loss, Crohn's disease, Asberger's, dyslexia, excessive sweating...just about everything you can imagine. One mom says she tells her son with asthma that everyone's got SOMETHING. Dad and I went in to the classroom the next day to talk to them. Amazing. (Nina didn't want to be there for it, so she helped out in the office...) Those kids were beautifully receptive. We let them ask questions at the end so they would know everything, and then not have to ask Nina about it! The next 2 days I spent talking to the REST of the 4th grade classes, at the teacher's requests. I managed to not cry during any of it...which was amazing...I think they understand. Even the boys who didn't have any idea her hair was different...I told Nina she'd have to deal with stuff like that from boys her whole life though...LOL...She feels liberated, I do believe. It's still tough, since there's not a whole lot of hair to attach the piece to...looking for a good wig cap to go under it...
I can send you the letter I sent to the class if you'd like. :)
We did steroid cream at first...then steroid injections...now I'm taking her my acupuncturist for that and cool laser therapy treatments. He also did muscle testing and thought her "gut" had some trouble spots...something I'm looking into more...
Anyway, just taking a day at a time. There are s few areas of little hairs sprouting on the very top...who knows what it's from or if it's growing on its own.
She's also losing her eyebrows...anyone have advice on that? I heard alot about Latisse, which is only prescriber=d for eyelashes right now...but I've read ALOT of people that have had success using it on eyebrows as well.
Thanks for letting ME vent and keep posting...I'm trying to find ANYONE here in the Nashville area with kids or adults with Alopecia...I think she feels singled out not knowing anyone else sometimes.
THANK YOU!!!!!!!
Lisa :)
Permalink Reply by Maria Jeremiason _ Signe's Mom on March 28, 2011 at 7:41pm
You handled that beautifully, Lisa. I talked to Sig's classes (4 6th grade classes) at the beginning of the year and it went so well. She's had no problem with her classmates, at all. She's more comfortable in hats and bandanas, she hated the wig. We've been dealing with AA off and on since she was 5...fortunately, she still has her eyebrows and lashes. Each cycle of loss has been different and we've opted out of any therapies. If you haven't discovered Children's Alopecia Project, I would recommend going to their website...they are doing great things for kids!

Hang in there!

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