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Hair loss affecting a marriage -- am I the only one?
I'm not sure what I'm hoping for -- advice?? Someone else who knows what I'm going through?
But I'm surprised I have not seen this mentioned anywhere, or maybe I missed it.
My hair loss has really affected our marriage. My husband says he has a hard time finding me attractive anymore, and it's obvious from his actions as well. Obviously this has all kinds of ramifications.
How do other people cope with this??
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Connie on
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Jenny,
This is the first time I am posting anything on this website.
I know exactly how you feel. I am 52 and have Alopecia Totalis for about 2 years now. It took about a year for all head hair, eybrows and lashes to fall out. I remember when the hair was half gone, my hairdresser cut it very short to make it even. I came home and I saw the look of shock in his face. I have never forgotten it to this day and more or less since then I am wearing a wig. I am trying to avoid him seeing me bald, he only sees me in my night-cap at night and wearing a wig during the day. We have a very happy marriage for 25 years (no children) but he has never said anything about the Alopecia. It has knocked my confidence as well. I should be able to show my bald head to him but am afraid to do so, I want to spare him the sight and I am like you afraid that he would not find me attractive anymore.
I know every relationship is different but this seems to be the way we are both coping with it. It is strange though that I feel more confident to take off my wig in front of female friends than in front of my husband.
This is the first time I told anybody about these feelings I have. Most of the time I say to myself, there are a lot of people out there who are a lot sicker than I am, so my situation in comparison is not so bad, but I find the relationship issues the most difficult of all feelings I have living with Alopecia.
This probably doesn't help you much but just to let you know that you are not the only one struggling in a relationship or marriage with Alopecia. Stay strong !
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Permalink Reply by Alanna on
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Hi Connie.
I also understand your fear. I've been bald since 2, and thought I would never get married and have children because of my Alopecia. I found a man who accepts and loves me, but it took me 40 years to start going bald. I did what you are doing, and after finally talking about it (conquering my fear of rejection) found he loves me with or without hair. That conversation and many more about my hair have helped me heal and strengthened our marriage.
I founded a non profit called Boldly Me that teaches the communication and relationship nmanagement skills to have life long relationships/marriages.
Please let me know if you want me to mail you a packet. And of course, you can always give me a call. alanna@boldlyme.org or 408-768-9257
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Permalink Reply by sumitahuja on
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With age hair starts thinning, this happens because the body’s capacity to absorb nutrients decrease.The hair needs 22 amino acids to grow. Due to lack of amino acids from the diet the hair appears thin.
However you can prevent the hair fall due to aging. You need to have soy beans, lean meat, dairy products, fish, eggs and nuts. You can also have fish oil tablets or supplements which is rich in Omega 3 Fatty Acids.
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sumitahuja: I think you are on the wrong web site. this is for people with alopecia ... who have lost their hair because their immune system turned on their hair follicles. All the amino acids, perfect diet and fish oil in the world will not fix THIS problem. sorry to tell you this... but your post is inappropriate.
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Permalink Reply by youarebeautiful on
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How are you doing?
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Hi Jenny. No great words of wisdom here, just another person who can relate. My husband is maybe a bit more sensitive than yours. He says the words - that he is still attracted to me, that "we all change as we age", etc But still I am careful as my hairloss worsens to not let him see me looking my worst. Some women I'm sure disagree with this approach - "he should love and accept you for you", but I choose to keep my secrets my secrets. Because he's human and he's male. So as much as he'd try to be a good guy, physical attraction is largely about something else. I have a good friend who is a stay at home mom and every day she wears sweats and no makeup, until it's close to the time he comes home. Then she freshens up, makeup, hair, etc Is that being fake? I don't think so. It's just putting our best foot forward, like we did when we were dating.
I've wondered if and when it gets to the point that I can no longer easily cover up my loss, and his attraction to me changes. Will I/we be okay with just accepting that change in our relationship? Or will I divorce? It seems like those are the options - let the relationship grow into a deeper friendship or let it go.
A final thought. For my husband anyway, a huge part of his attraction for me is about my personality - he loves that I am "womanly" (I.e. nurturing, loving, positive) I'm trying really hard to hold on to that part of myself. I think it would be really easy to let my hair loss change too much of me, to the point where he wouldn't recognize ANY part of me anymore.
I hope some of this is helpful. Feel free to reach out anytime.
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Grace,
You were truly given the perfect mame. You are handling this disease with grace and loveliness. We should all try to be more like you.
LK
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This is terrible. I usually go to gym and get fit. Aside from that I go to spa and talk to my friends. You need to let go of stress. Make a transformation not only in physical aspect but your innate personality as well.
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Jenny..
it's bee almost a month since you started this thread. has any advice here helped? please tell us all..
HOW ARE YOU??
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Permalink Reply by Georgia Stephens on
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Yes hair loss affects marriage in many cases because no one want to marry a bald person. You can use a best hair wig for looking attractive.
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Totally disagree! I've been with male coworkers who have known me before and after "coming out" about my Alopecia. Quite frankly, they think I'm super hot without my wig. And so does my husband.
It's all about loving yourself and being nice to others.
If your spouse doesn't like you without hair, there's a ton of other people who will.
Your bold buddy,
Alanna Powell
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Not true at all, is it not enough that people with Alopecia have to go through losing their hair and adapting to new self images but also have to worry about presenting themselves as attractive to someone else by wearing wigs, scarves, or whatever? And not just to someone, but to someone who is supposed to be in love with them? Someone who is supposed to see them for who they really are and still think they are beautiful? I feel like that type of remark is not only totally inaccurate but also pretty inappropriate, especially considering Jenny's original post. The problem is not with us, we are just as entitled to be comfortable in our own skin as anyone else, and those who can't see our beauty or worth should just move along.
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