Has anyone's family or friends offered to or donate their hair to you?

I am wondering if anyone has ever had a family member (especially) or close friend who has offered to donate their hair to you to have a wig made. I have sisters (and other female relatives or have had friends who know about my alopecia) who have beautiful hair and they never offered. Not that I have dwelled on it much over the years, but I have wondered why they didn't offer. Several years ago one of my sisters use to travel with me to a place that I had custom wigs made. On one occasion when we went, the owner of the shop said that she could save me more than half the cost of the wig if someone would donate their hair to me. I commented that would be great because money was an issue. My sister who was present sat quietly and listened. On another trip to the salon, I mentioned to her that it bothered me a little that throughout my many years of being bald no one ever offered to donate their hair to me so I could have a nice human hair wig made with hair from someone who cared and so I could save money. I hear about people who donate their hair to Locks of Love which is great, but who donates hair to older women with alopecia. Especially those on modest incomes. My sister again didn't say much. I noticed sometime after that she began growing her hair out and it was getting longer and longer-she had short hair for most of her entire life except when she was really small. She didn't say anything, but I began to wonder if she was growing it out with the intent of cutting it when it got to an appropriate length to make a wig out of. I was secretly excited and patiently waited for the day when she presented me with a ponytail of her beautiful hair and said "Here, go have yourself a nice wig made." That was over 4 years ago--she never offered and still sports a long hairstyle. I had also mentioned to my mom what the salon owner said. She said maybe she could ask the hairdresser where she got her hair cut if she could get me some hair. She said she knew she donated hair to Locks of Love. But nothing ever came out of that either. Don't know if my mom didn't ask or what. I guess some would say, that I should have gone and asked myself, but I'm thinking why wouldn't my own family members offer to help out. I've been bald for over 40 years. You would think someone in my family would have stepped up in that time. I did have one close elderly family member who use to save up money and give it to me toward my wigs until she passed away. But other than that beloved family member, no one else ever offered to help in my core or extended family.

Has anyone else experienced this? Who has had family members donate hair? Did you have to ask them or did they offer on their own? I think that if I needed a kidney transplant, my family might get tested to see if they were a match and if so would they donate a kidney to me. But when it comes to hair, it's hard for me to see what would be the big deal for one of them who can grow beautiful hair to give me some. I know if the situation would have been reversed, I would have done it for them. It would have meant so much to me and definitely would have ranked as one of the best, most thoughtful gifts someone could have given me. Just my thoughts.

Maybe those here who have hair and have someone in their life with alopecia, they might consider offering their hair as a loving gesture/gift. Actually, my little boy offered to donate his hair to me--he's so sweet, but it would not suitable hair for me and it would take him FOREVER to grow it long enough anyway. Since he can't donate his hair to me, he keeps his head nearly shaven so we look "more alike." I'm so blessed to have him.

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Permalink Reply by Rodeli on September 15, 2011 at 10:30pm
HI Minah, right now I am in a place where I am starting to redefine myself in more areas of my life than ever before. Especially the alopecia. I've hidden it from most people for so long because I did not want that to be the focal point about me and didn't think it was really anyone's business -- like if I had breast implants or false teeth (which I don't) but I would not feel the need to tell everyone about that either. However, now I'm starting to be more open about it--not that I tell everyone I meet or know, but way more than I ever did before. I'm also starting to be more comfortable not having my head covered with a wig most of the time. A part of that is that I think my sisters have been telling people and not for good motivations--there had been postings by their friends on the internet that have let me to suspect they are. The only way I can take power and control from them is not not let them have it to hold over my head anymore--no pun intended. I wanted to clarify that it was not the wig money my mom gave one of my sisters, it was the bank itself. Plus I just don't feel quite the "shame" I guess I did before. My son has had a lot to do with that. By the way, I know you want me to write my story--but all in good time. For some time now, I've been talking about writing a children's book loosely based on my son--a comedy of sorts which he is so excited about. I've been talking about it for some time and actually began writing the book today--just some preliminary stuff and the preface. I read it to him when he got home from school today and he loved it! He said "Mom, that sounds like a real book your reading!" LOL! He loves that the character is based on him somewhat and is okay with me interjecting some of his life experiences. I also am putting a mother character loosely based on me. My son loved that part too. I promised to have it done and published way before he graduates from high school. For my first work, I wanted it to be light and fun -- I've wanted to write a children's book for many years but never quite came up with a story I really could get into. My son has become my inspiration for a lot of things. I do want to do a book someday on our story. It is the stuff movies are made of to be sure, but I have some other passions I'm working on right now and I want him to have more time and distance from the terrible things that have happened to him and us. We are still getting counseling and I don't want write about the heavy stuff yet. He knows I want to some day when he is older.
Right now I am focusing on things I am passionate or becoming passionate about in life. Alopecia is one of them--mostly because of children growing up with it--I know how hard that is, and for even older women who had hair their whole life until alopecia took it away. I can't relate to the losing it as a grown up because I was too young, but I still want to be a blessing and help to others who are having a much worse time coping. I'm glad I lost mine when I was too young to know any different. I think I would hate it much more if I had something to compare it to. I've been so inspired by the stories, blogs, and discussions here that it is challenging me to use my creativity in raising awareness. About a week a go I started designing my own line of T-shirts and other things with my own logo. My son helped me with the creation of the logo and I've been working on designing a few designs online to sell. I got a free sample from one website but was not too impressed with it, so I started using another site. But it was really cool to get a sweatshirt with my own logo, etc. that I created myself. I've had doors close on me and now I am opening myself up to new doors of opportunity.
Our families sound a little a like--maybe we are distantly related. LOL Just the other day my dad came with his brother to help me replace some rotten fencing in the back of my property. Some of my neighbors were about outside and as one was leaving my yard--she had brought me plants for my garden, my dad's brother says out loud to me that I really need to lose weight, that he doesn't think I will get a[nother] job with my weight, that he thinks I am unhealthy, etc. Mind you I am no skinny, minny, but I'm not humongous. I assured him that I was in good health having recently had a physical, that I am in better health than most of our other family member both skinny and overweight, that I already was working doing some free lance work by an agency that pursued me, and that my being on the chunky side never kept me from getting a job in my life to which he said "I know you are a very smart lady, but trust me, I've seen it on TV, no one will want to hire you if you are overweight." He's always had a filter problem with expressing his inner thoughts and sharing with them with people who really didn't want to hear his negative criticisms and it's not much better now that he is in his 80's. BUT he has become more a supportive part of my life the last few years and has been helped me and encouraged me when other members of my family turned against me which is huge because he hasn't always been the family favorite uncle. I've only got to see a softer side to him the last few years. I appreciate what he does to help me from time to time, but sometimes I guess he feels entitled to share things most people would not want to hear in the manner in which he does it. I probably wouldn't have minded if he spoke to me privately one on one, but he did it out loud in the yard when there were neighbors in their yards.
I don't get your bald brother's reactions either--is it that mentality that it is okay for men to walk around bald, but not women? I would think he would be more supportive. Maybe he struggles with his own hair loss and seeing you just is another reminder. I had a funny thought about the family picture you all took the other day--I think it would have been funny if you were in the back and right before the photographer shot the picture, you quickly took your wig off. No one would notice until your dad got the proofs. Or maybe when you get your copy, you can photoshop your wig out and have your natural you in it and then frame it nice and put it up in your house or give them a copy for Christmas. Sadly, Minah, I guess there are just some people who don't get things in life. Unfortunately, sometimes those people are in our own families. It sucks, but we just have to focus on the ones who love us unconditionally regardless of what is or is not on our heads. Do you have a website that features your artwork? As always, it's a pleasure.
Permalink Reply by jlkramer on October 12, 2011 at 10:07pm
I have had several very well-meaning people offer to donate their hair. I don't feel worthy of such a gift. I have not been bald very long so maybe my stance will change on this. I guess I would rather them give it to a program for kids or cancer patients. I have a synthetic wig that I am pretty happy with but I honestly just go bald more often than not. I have been bald for about three months and nothing has grown back yet - not seeing much hope...wish you all the best!

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