Alopecia World
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Has anyone's family or friends offered to or donate their hair to you?
I am wondering if anyone has ever had a family member (especially) or close friend who has offered to donate their hair to you to have a wig made. I have sisters (and other female relatives or have had friends who know about my alopecia) who have beautiful hair and they never offered. Not that I have dwelled on it much over the years, but I have wondered why they didn't offer. Several years ago one of my sisters use to travel with me to a place that I had custom wigs made. On one occasion when we went, the owner of the shop said that she could save me more than half the cost of the wig if someone would donate their hair to me. I commented that would be great because money was an issue. My sister who was present sat quietly and listened. On another trip to the salon, I mentioned to her that it bothered me a little that throughout my many years of being bald no one ever offered to donate their hair to me so I could have a nice human hair wig made with hair from someone who cared and so I could save money. I hear about people who donate their hair to Locks of Love which is great, but who donates hair to older women with alopecia. Especially those on modest incomes. My sister again didn't say much. I noticed sometime after that she began growing her hair out and it was getting longer and longer-she had short hair for most of her entire life except when she was really small. She didn't say anything, but I began to wonder if she was growing it out with the intent of cutting it when it got to an appropriate length to make a wig out of. I was secretly excited and patiently waited for the day when she presented me with a ponytail of her beautiful hair and said "Here, go have yourself a nice wig made." That was over 4 years ago--she never offered and still sports a long hairstyle. I had also mentioned to my mom what the salon owner said. She said maybe she could ask the hairdresser where she got her hair cut if she could get me some hair. She said she knew she donated hair to Locks of Love. But nothing ever came out of that either. Don't know if my mom didn't ask or what. I guess some would say, that I should have gone and asked myself, but I'm thinking why wouldn't my own family members offer to help out. I've been bald for over 40 years. You would think someone in my family would have stepped up in that time. I did have one close elderly family member who use to save up money and give it to me toward my wigs until she passed away. But other than that beloved family member, no one else ever offered to help in my core or extended family.
Has anyone else experienced this? Who has had family members donate hair? Did you have to ask them or did they offer on their own? I think that if I needed a kidney transplant, my family might get tested to see if they were a match and if so would they donate a kidney to me. But when it comes to hair, it's hard for me to see what would be the big deal for one of them who can grow beautiful hair to give me some. I know if the situation would have been reversed, I would have done it for them. It would have meant so much to me and definitely would have ranked as one of the best, most thoughtful gifts someone could have given me. Just my thoughts.
Maybe those here who have hair and have someone in their life with alopecia, they might consider offering their hair as a loving gesture/gift. Actually, my little boy offered to donate his hair to me--he's so sweet, but it would not suitable hair for me and it would take him FOREVER to grow it long enough anyway. Since he can't donate his hair to me, he keeps his head nearly shaven so we look "more alike." I'm so blessed to have him.
Has anyone else experienced this? Who has had family members donate hair? Did you have to ask them or did they offer on their own? I think that if I needed a kidney transplant, my family might get tested to see if they were a match and if so would they donate a kidney to me. But when it comes to hair, it's hard for me to see what would be the big deal for one of them who can grow beautiful hair to give me some. I know if the situation would have been reversed, I would have done it for them. It would have meant so much to me and definitely would have ranked as one of the best, most thoughtful gifts someone could have given me. Just my thoughts.
Maybe those here who have hair and have someone in their life with alopecia, they might consider offering their hair as a loving gesture/gift. Actually, my little boy offered to donate his hair to me--he's so sweet, but it would not suitable hair for me and it would take him FOREVER to grow it long enough anyway. Since he can't donate his hair to me, he keeps his head nearly shaven so we look "more alike." I'm so blessed to have him.
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Rodeli on
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A footnote to the above: My mom saved a small clump of my hair in a ribbon from when I was very young when it began to fall out. She gave it to me when I was older--she said she thought I might like to have it and so I could see what my hair looked and felt like since I was too young to "remember" having hair. That was thoughtful of her.
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Permalink Reply by Nancy King on
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Oh my! Give me your sister's number. I'll ask her!! I don't know what makes family members act the way they do. I doubt if anyone in my family would donate anything. My mom, however, has told me repeatedly (she's so cute) that when she passes, she wants to will her hair to me (if only). My mom has Parkinson's disease and is developing dementia as well. It would figure that the only one who has trouble thinking right would be the only one who DOES think right :)
I think you ought to just ask your sister if she might consider it and get it out in the open. Be sure to tell her how beautiful you've always thought her hair is :)
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Hi Nancy, you crack me up! I'm sorry to hear about your mom's declining condition--that is really tough! But isn't it a bit sad that she only wants to give you her hair after she is gone instead of while she is alive? As far as my sisters go, I don't think at this stage either one would donate their hair. My one sister knew how I felt for years, grew her hair long afterwards and has kept it long, and hasn't donated it or even asked if I would like it if she cut it. The other sister has been insanely jealous of me throughout her life even though she was the one with the most beautiful hair (which I did tell her many times) and I was the bald sibling. She also never offered to donate her hair to me at times when she had long hair and then had it cut short. Besides, neither of them has anything to do with me and my child for over a year now. Long story. Suffice it to say they support hateful, bigoted people who broke the law against their own family members and they did not like it that I reported their "friends" to officials for their crime against us and now they are mad at me and cut me and my son from their lives. Their loss and stupidity. Someday they will deeply regret the choices they make and by the time they realize it, it will be way too late. They have had over 40 years to think about/donate their hair to me and chose not to. It's not from a lack of knowing it was an option for them. But they are not the only women in my life who could have offered to donate their hair to me. I posted this for two reasons: 1) to find out if this is common to alopecians that family members and friends offer/don't offer to donate hair to them and 2) to raise awareness that this is an option and it would mean so much to those of us with alopecia to have someone offer their hair. I know there are people who have donated kidneys to family and friends which is way more involved and riskier. So why don't people think to offer to grow their hair long enough to cut and donate to someone they know who could use it. I know in my heart that if the roles were reversed and I could grow hair to donate to someone else, I would.
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sounds like your family has a lot in common with my family...bless your heart. so, if someone donates hair, there's really only an organization for donations to children right now, is that correct? NOT to take away from the children, but it'd be nice if there were also an organization to help adults, especially those who can't afford it otherwise. and i'm assuming (maybe you know) that if someone wanted to donate hair for transplants, that isn't possible yet, correct? my mind just keeps whirring with ideas lately :)
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I think you are right, Nancy--I do not know of any groups that donate hair for adults--just children. When I was growing up they did not have those organizations either. I agree it would be nice if there was an organization that would provide those same services for adults. I don't know about the transplant idea. I actually thought about that too but what would happen if your body rejected it? I figure if my body rejects my own hair, it might reject someone else's in me too. Who knows. I'd rather be bald than risk that. I've become quite attached to my bald scalp. LOL! But I do think the wig companies charge a great deal of money for people with medical hair loss. I paid about $1,200 for a custom wig. But the shop owner told me that if someone would donate their hair to me, it would only cost me about $500 some dollars. That means I was paying more for hair than the actual capping and labor! That is outrageous! I wonder how much they actually pay people for donating their hair? Probably very little or nothing. Most of the wigs are made overseas where the labor is cheap too. So why are they charging such exorbitant fees? I don't buy the expensive wigs anymore. I have other priorities in my life.
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Permalink Reply by FANCY1024 on
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Good evening Rodeli, My sister actually offered me her hair a couple of months ago. Her hair is a little lighter in color than mine and I’m currently wearing a wiglet to cover my 3 bald spots. I basically thanked her profusely and told her to donate it to locks of love as she always does. I was so touched that she offered it to me. I’m sorry that your family hasn’t done so for you. Di
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Thanks, Fancy. I'm really happy for you that your sister offered to donate. I was trying to get an idea if that is something many or most families or friends do for the alopecians in their lives. I guess since not many people posted or Replied to this discussion that it may not be that common. I totally respect your decision to offer to Locks of Love. I wish that organization had been around when I was young. At this stage of my life it is not quite as important to me to spend BIG money on custom made human hair prosthetics; but when I did, a donation of hair would have saved me HUGE amounts of money--to the tune of over $700 per prosthetic! My dad's friend was over their house today and he was telling me about some stories where people are breaking in to hair and wig salons and stealing human hair and hair extensions to resell for money--he heard it on the news. I guess hair can bring in big money!
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Hi Rodeli: I spoke to my sister tonight and she told me she has not submitted her hair to the locks of love yet. She gave it to me. There is 11 inches of it. If you want it, I can mail it to you. There is not enough hair there for an entire wig but I'm sure what's there can cut done on the cost of having to buy all the hair. Please let me know if you want it. Di
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Thank you, Fancy. That is very kind of you. I was reading what Minah said (Thanks, Minah) about how much is needed. I think maybe you should use it though since it is a gift from your sister and a precious one considering how much many people value their hair. You have a very thoughtful, sweet, and generous sister.
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Permalink Reply by Dominique Cleopatra on
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I don't know, no one has ever offered to donate hair to me, nor have I ever once expected it, and if the situation were reversed I doubt I would offer mine. Sorry. There's plenty of available hair that comes from ... somewhere. I bet family members might be more willing to pony up a few bucks than to cut off their own precious locks.
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Permalink Reply by MiNAH on
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The hair must be virgin hair... undyed. It also takes many heads of hair to produce one natural hair wig. So it would take a family member to cut, grow and cut again, maybe a few time before you can even begin to think of a wig.
There are organization which donate, yet under specific guildines, and circumstances. Depending where location and country.
Also family members may not be candidates to donate for hair transplantation either. Although a mother, father, brother, sister would offer their hair follicles ... they might not be compatible.
My brother or father would never donate hair anyway for transplantation, yet my mom and other brother would have. However my mom has dementia and not many follicles anymore as age and thyroid condition caused her hair to thin out. My brother is as Bald as I am, yet has hair in the back like me. Transplantation is costly, and one might have to be on antiregection drugs for the rest of their life.
I haven't had hair for 40 years. It's been long, totalis and areata... now I just shave it off.
However, write a letter to locks of love if you haven't already ...and see where and what chances you have in receiving a wig, or even ask if you can pay towards a wig? Give them your details and a photo without head covering.
WHAT HAVE YOU GOT TO LOSE!!!! Certainly not hair.....
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I love your responses, Minah--you tell it like it is! I feel sorry for your dad. He sounds a lot like my sisters. Their loss. Like you, I've had alopecia for most of my life--nearly 50 years! For the record, I did not "expect" anyone in my family to donate hair to me during those many years--hoped, yes, expected, no. It only occurred to me after the person who was making my wigs suggested it would be nice. She mentioned my sisters could donate if they wanted--they both had beautiful hair. I have another friend who donates her hair to Locks of Love also. I think that is a great program. I don't know at this stage of my life if it is as important for me to spend big money for custom fitted expensive wigs, but I have wondered why family members find it so hard to be so supportive as if having alopecia is something we are doing on purpose to ourselves that makes others uncomfortable with us/it. Lately, I've been paying attention to how many men walk around bald--some you can tell have some form of alopecia and some just shave for looks or to hid what little hair they actually have left. I ask why is is okay for men to go around bald in public, but there is still that stigma with women? Would your dad tell your brother he had to wear a toupee or wig to be in the family pictures? My family has not been as bad as yours, but I do think they have underlying, passive issues with it. They've always been very critical of me on just about everything. I was told once I was 18 and got a job that I had to buy my own wigs. I didn't disagree, but it was the way it was presented like they had resented it all the years before. Plus the family member who use to save up money to donate to me for wigs in a special little bank, my mom gave that bank to one of my sisters, not me. That spoke volumes to me. Why would she give the "wig bank" to one of my sisters (who both had beautiful heads of hair) instead of me? She knew that bank had special meaning for me and the person who it belonged to.
I have to disagree with your dad slightly that you look like Barbra Streisand in your one picture below--he's partially right, but I think you are much prettier! By the way, I was a Babs fan for many years. Love your teen pic--you were a beautiful girl and now you are a beautiful woman. I hope your dad comes around before his final days--he's missed out so much already. But as some of us know too well, family can be the biggest critics and the least supportive sometimes. But I'm always happy when I hear of others' families who are so supportive. The ones who were the most supportive of me growing up died when I was younger--I still miss them. Now I have my child who is so supportive like your son is of you. Got to love our kids, huh!
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