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How can you still feel confident when you see people's negative reactions in different situations?
Hello everyone.
I am 31, with AU for almost 10 yrs. I always try to convince myself that this is not a big issue, I should be strong n confident, n be happy that I have a good husband n a few good friends.
But honestly I am not really satisfied with all these justifications. I know that my husband would prefer me to have my hair back, I am sad that I even can't tell my close friends about my alopecia.
I am tired of hiding, but still can't go bald outdoors cuz I don't want people make fun of me or laugh at me silently. I even don't want their pitying look.
How can I be confident outdoors when I know my friends n relatives n the society will no more look at me normally if they see my bare head n face?
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Mary on
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24 views and no reply? Seems a lot of alopecians have the same problem :(
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Aimee, thank you for your reply, but how do you treat/ cope with people who see your alopecia as a deficiency?
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So happy for you. Wish I could have lived somewhere that people didn't ask bothering questions when facing a bald woman with no brows n lashes, pretending that they're rather sympathetic than nosy!
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Permalink Reply by doodler on
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I do hear you -- you just want to be normal. Normal is sometimes having problems, but there is nothing wrong with wearing a wig or a scarf outside. Even without alopecia, lots of people cover up certain things they would rather not show. Would they think differently of you if they knew? I told me friends and they treated me the same (though a couple wouldn't use my hairbrush -- dumb!). But, in fact, they were very kind and caring because of that. One guy I was seeing looked a little like What? but I don't know it just didn't bother me. I am what I am, I have what I have. I actually had much worse problems when I had acne, worrying about what people thought -- and scars I had on my face. I'm so grateful that I no longer have any issues with my skin, and believe me that drove me totally crazy! And I do remember feeling judged about that. Most people treated me very nicely because of the AA, but I did try to cover up anyway. I'm private and didn't really want to let everyone know. Some people may wonder, or figure out I'm hiding something -- but that's okay. They're probably hiding something too. I take a good look at myself in my entirety and I'm happy and grateful. Take a good look at yourself completely and try to concentrate on what makes you happy.
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Thanks for your complete reply, I also prefer to go private in public, but my argument is about friends and relatives from whom you can't hide alopecia, they'll finally realize about it, unless you stop meeting them which will make you feel lonly. Although some of them may react nicely, there are always others who are nosy and will start asking bothering questions and even gossiping behind you. I don't wanna let them know about my private alopecia, cuz I think they don't deserve it, but I can't do anything about them, and it sucks.
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Permalink Reply by Pam D. on
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Maybe the biggest obstacle is not caring what people think. I have been very open about my "condition" as I call it. My friends know (I "came out" on FB), I am open with new acquaintances...I don't understand why all the secrecy with people who have this.
I doubt I will ever go without a head cover in public only because I've never been one who likes to draw attention to herself, but I am comfortable wearing a hat, or scarf, in public or going "naked" under my riding helmet. I do like my false eyebrows though! They give me at least some sense of normalcy. My friends, my family, and my husband have been very supportive; maybe you're not giving people enough credit. If people think I'm a little
"odd" at first, they seem to get used to me...
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Hi pam, yes. You're right, maybe I am not giving people enough credit, but I really don't know if this is due to My personality or the Society inwhich I live!
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None of us can help how we feel. I'm comfortable talking about the condition to family, friends, and complete strangers...you are not. My personality allows me to talk about it, I could go out w/o eyebrows or eyelashes, but I draw the line at allowing people (family, friends) to see me w/nothing on my head. Sometimes taking the first step is the hardest.
Don't try to convince yourself this isn't a "big issue"...it is a big issue to anyone who has it.
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I've never felt confident about myself. I've had alopecia since 5. Most of my social situations in regards to women are either neutral or negative. Alopecia has greatly effected my confidence and success with women due to the fact the vast majorly of women are not attracted to bald men. I've heard of these mythical, anecdotal women who love bald men but I have never met one. Truthfully you can't be confident as most people react negatively in social situations. It has been my problem all my life.
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I understand your point. I was diagnosed with Alopecia 2 years ago and every time I go for a date I don't know whether tell a guy I'm wearing a wig or not. I feel bad cause I am not telling the truth but I don't want to share it with every one I date.
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Also I want to point that it depends on a person I meet sometimes I tell them because in this way I feel better and more relax.
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I guess I was lucky...I didn't get AA until I was 58...by then had been married for almost 30 years, had a host of friends, plenty of self-confidence, and was at a point in my life where what's on the inside was more important than what's on the outside.
No question looks are important to some people, but not everyone. Most of us, I think, are attracted to a certain type...and I don't care if a man is bald as I have dated a couple. I can only speak for myself, but self-confidence and a sense of humor are more important to me than great looks; I can't be the only one who feels this way. I know plenty of average-looking (or less than average-looking) people in happy relationships, so if you can't find love, maybe the problem is deeper than how you look. Where do you go to meet women? Do you have hobbies? I think the best way to meet people is to find those with whom you have a common interest; expanding your base of friends might be the best way to find a kindred spirit...you might meet someone who just happens to know someone perfect for you.
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