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How do I accept my hair loss as ALL MY FAULT?
I am coming to terms that I did not address my hair loss and now it's too late to do anything but wear a wig. I ignored my health care and am obese. I tried dieting but always yoyo up and down. Didn't get regular physicals and now I ruined my life. In the last 2 years, lost so much of my hair (and so much more in the last 12 months) I couldn't see it, face it and now I am wearing a full wig. THIS IS ALL MY FAULT, no one to blame but me. How am I going to live with myself? Could I have prevented my hair loss? Or would I ended up balding anyway, just a few years later then now? I am so ashamed of myself and wonder how am I going to accept that I did this to myself. Why did I not love myself enough to address my baldness?
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by jan on
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Are you low in thyroid hormone? low thyroid causes weight gain and hair loss. I had a jaw put out of alignment by a dentist who cut down lots of teeth and I got asthma and low thyroid. The low thyroid does not show readily by testing but if you have symptoms.... I went to i-herb and bought Raw Thyroid and hair started sprouting and now I have mohawk growing where I had very little hair. EFT tapping will get you over the self blame.Fast and cheap... just google for examples. I would not blame myself.
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Permalink Reply by Dena on
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My daughter is 7 and has lost all her hair. She isn't obese, is extremely healthy, has had all her physicals, went through some treatments for Alopecia, is stress free and still lost her hair. I don't think anyone would blame her lifestyle or her for having Alopecia. In the end treatment didn't make a difference. She still lost her hair and had to endure some pretty awful treatments that I regret her having to go through. It sounds like you are looking for something or someone to blame for your condition. Which is a pretty natural reaction at first. I spent a lot of time blaming myself for my daughters condition in the beginning. Anger is normal, but don't let it consume you. If you can't get past anger or depression, find someone to talk with. Trust me sometimes it is just rotten luck. I am so sorry you are going through this and wish you the best.
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You'll get through this because it ISN'T YOUR FAULT! I wish I could say that a thousand times to everyone here. You were dealt some unfortunate genes, so you have alopecia, but there's nothing you could have done that would have changed what happened. You didn't do it to yourself! Ignoring health care isn't good, and of course trying to live healthier would be a good idea, but losing your hair from alopecia has nothing to do with the weight issue you mentioned.
Please, please don't blame yourself for this. It would be like blaming yourself for having a certain eye color or skin tone - it's not something you can control.
Life may look really awful now, but I promise it will get better. Try to be strong.
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You are not alone in your regret. It is just human nature. Please do not beat yourself up over it. You did nothing wrong. Many women try drugs, Rogaine, etc to no avail. It is devastating enough without blaming yourself. Now is the time to love yourself. In order to move forward you have to let go of the past. Try some therapy to help and do the best you can to accept the situation. I am almost 100% certain that there was little you could do to stop it. You may have delayed it for a time but eventually it would have happened. Be kind to yourself.
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Don't be sad and stop beating yourself up. Sometimes we do neglect ourselves for many reasons - sometimes we don't know how to look after ourselves and sometimes we need a special friend who will take us by the hand and help us to take care of ourselves. Maybe this is what this Alopecia World is all about - a whole world of us who understand and care for each other. Have you been for a medical check up? Make an appointment today and cry and cry and cry to the doctor if you want to. Have you ever had a thyroid test? Not saying anything wrong there but when your thyroid is underactive it is really hard to lose weight and hair loss is also a symptom. So, be a darling to yourself and go to the doc ASAP
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Permalink Reply by Shannon on
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Dear Purplemainst,
I have not posted on here for quite some time but your post really touched my heart and I felt compelled to write. My message to you is to be gentle with yourself. I don't know you, only what you've written, but it hurts my heart to think of somebody feeling so full of shame and doubt. It is not out fault that we lose our hair. There are things that all of us can do to work on becoming healthy, stronger, happier individuals. I understand your need to figure out why this happened. And you sound a lot like me. I am a very busy mother of 4 young children and I run a charity as well. I like everybody to be happy and if they are not, I try to fix it. If I can't fix it well, then, it must be my fault.
Losing weight is an extremely hard thing to do. There are so many factors. But there are ways to improve our health and there is support available. But be gentle with yourself! I don't know if you have any children. Pretend you had a baby sister or a little daughter going through what you've been through. Would you tell her that she brought this all on herself and its her fault? Or would you support her and try to help her find answers--not necessarily answers about how to get her hair back but how to love herself again and work towards gaining control over her health struggles?
Just so you know, I am not overweight, I exercise regularly and try to eat right. I take vitamin supplements and I drink my fruit and vegetable smoothies. I do yoga and take care of my spiritual self to cope with the hardships in life. But I'm still bald. Its not my fault. Its not your fault. Don't work on accepting "why you did this to yourself", but slowly pick yourself up and ask, "What is one thing that I can change to become a stronger person?" I would guess that finding a good physician to help you rule out other underlying health issues would be a good start. And posting here and communicating with others going through the some of the same struggles can be a great benefit to you.
God bless you.
Shannon
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Permalink Reply by margaret watson on
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First of all your hair lose is probably nothing to do with weight gain. hair lose is still a mystery to even the specialists, it just your body has decided to reject hair follicles as part of your fantastically heightened ammunition system!
You are already HEALING yourself because you recognise some of the difficulties you have experienced so far in you young life. Now start the next day of you POSITIVE thinking period.
Not one person is really that bothered about how you look - only you. The general public are far more concerned with their own appearance. So, get up walk tall, have an early morning walk around the block, go home and plan the next bit of your day. Weigh yourself once a week and record it. Set up a timetable of what you want to achieve every day and every week. Then start the next day of the 'rest of your life'. In my experience (had Alopecia since age 17 and am now 56) I've Had ups and downs with hair loss and treatments - no treatments worked so I accepted it (about age 40, but took to 50 before I could shave off those awful little bits floating on my head - daft isn't it cause my head looks so clean and tidy as a bald head). I make sure my eyes look well made up and wear interesting earrings. I show confidence (even when I don't feel it) and it really, really, really works. I have only positive comments and if not I just think they probably have bigger problems than me! Go for it - you have nothing to loose and everything to gain. Start small just one new thing today and another tomorrow.
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Oh my gosh, purple. There are many things in life that we blame ourselves for. As women we are constantly bombarded with ads and magazines that lead us to think that we are in some way flawed because we don't measure up to that standard. It is important to remember that we are comparing ourselves to someone else's highlight reel. I suppose my initial hair loss was also my fault. I have frizzy hair and these days straight is in so I had mine chemically straightened and highlighted. Two weeks later I had bald spots. Illness and hypothyroidism made it grow exceptionally slowly and now 3 years on I have much thinner hair that is barely two inches long. I also blamed myself over and over again. When people complimented me on my hair prior to losing it I would talk about how frizzy it was. It is so easy to blame ourselves for everything. We often do not care for ourselves as much as we should but starting today, purple, resolve to be good to yourself and let yourself off the hook. Find a couple of wigs that make you feel awesome. Play with wig color or style. I purchased many of my wigs on eBay for less than $50 and these were wigs that cost anywhere from $100 on up at wig stores or online sites. Try a new lipstick or blush. Wear pretty colors that make you feel good. Start living. I know this community is very inclusive and supportive. I don't post very often but look at what others write but I really felt that I needed to respond to your post.
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Permalink Reply by fijifrangipani on
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research shows that it is a genetic flaw that causes alopecia, you can possibly google and find some of those articles. Your genetic makeup is in no way your fault, but it may be true that you havent loved yourself enough, I am in the same boat right now, I know my weight is my own doing, and that I am the person to change that. I have made a pact with myself that starting this week I am working on it. And trust me as I was slim and absolutely healthy when I lost my hair.. and now despite my weight I still get a lot of attention from the opposite sex. I dont think you can stop or prevent alopecia but you can determine how you deal with it. Take that power and use it.
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Permalink Reply by Tim Irvine on
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Alopecia is not something you can, as of yet, prevent. Adapt and overcome. Most Alopecians I know are very in tune with themselves and the world around them. You will become so as well as time goes on. Stop looking at this as a negative and start looking for the possibilities. Alopecia has advantages, you must look for them. But no matter what, love yourself, and always strive to live better. That can't hurt at all. Good luck and have a great day!
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Thank you Tim It's nice to be able to put all these feelings into the universe and get some really terrific people to help. This one is going to be tough one to come to grips with, and I have to release the anger and despair.
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Permalink Reply by Debbi Fuller on
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You should not assume that baldness is your fault. Many of us are thin, ate right and exercised and are still bald! Start loving yourself NOW. There is no reason to assume that you would not have experienced baldness no matter what. Take a look around you in the grocery store or Walmart. If you see a lot of obese people there, are they bald? Probably not in any higher numbers than the thin ones. The best thing you can do is to start right now to stop wasting precious energy on blaming yourself for something you have NO control over. Start doing the things you can to improve your health - not to grow hair back, but to live a stronger and happier life. Wallowing in self-pity will do no good whatsoever. Looking backward and asking questions that can't be answered is also a waste of time. Please read the advice that others give you here - since you asked - and take it to heart. We all support you in your quest for health of both body and mind.
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