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How do I switch wig styles without people noticing?
Hey guys and gals,
So before I lost my hair and was forced to wear a wig I had longer brown hair. I loved it and tried to replicate it with a custom-made wig, but it just didn't feel the same and I didn't like there being so much wig for the wind to grab onto and screw up. It looked really wiggy, and I spent a lot of time maintaining it to try to avoid that wigginess.
So I decided to switch styles to something more manageable, and, when I my hubby and I went to a family friend's house, instead of the long brown hair they were used to seeing me under, I was wearing a bobbed-off blonde wig. But it's not a wig-- I decided to get a haircut and dye it! Or so I told them. I still haven't told anyone beyond my husband that I wear a wig, and I wasn't gonna start then. The wife loved the new cut, and tried to run her hands through it, but I evaded.
Anyways, I really don't like this style. It doesn't fit me well and I feel very uptight in it and feel like I have to wear a lot of makeup to make it work. I guess it offers the advantage that it won't get as wet in a pool (I still don't swim and replace wigs if I'm in the water at all) and the wind doesn't mess with it as much, although it still messes the wig up, and I still have to spend just as much time styling it as before. And its really stressful not being able to just take the wig off.
Goddamn, I want this to be over and for my hair to grow back. Am I up a creek without a paddle?
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Marsha Lampert MBA MS on
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Brian so glad to see you too are open and proud of
Your wig life. Even when I stay with friends at their homes
I am not ashamed at all of hanging wet wigs to dry after I wash them
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Brian I have over 80 wigs
Of which I have about 40 in NY
With me in NY while I undergo
Extensive and aggressive dwarfism
Alopecia dental treatment in NY
I love switching wigs. I wear wigs 24/7
And switch daily and nightly. And sometimes
In between. I wear every color length style type
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I have over 80 wigs and have a ball
Switching wigs daily and nightly and even in between
I make no effort to hide it at all
The wigs help me educate people.
I'm not ashamed at all. I wear almost every color
And almost every style from shoulder length
To very long nobody has ever made an issue of it
It's never been a problem. I refuse to hide
My secret in a closet. It's wonderful to
Be free to be who I am and not hide.
-Marsha
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The OP didn't ask for a Pep Talk per se, but ways to camouflage the fact she has to wear a wig. She may not be in an environment where she feels safe divulging the fact she wears a wig, and she gets to decide how vulnerable she wants to make herself and make herself feel. Telling her to tell everybody on the planet she wears a wig might not be the solution for her, and that's not what she asked. I've had alopecia and have worn wigs since I was 10 - I'll be 55 this year - and the only person who knew because I told him was my husband. (Obviously, my parents knew.) Last year I thought I would tell my closest friends, but I decided against it because do they really need to know? No, they don't. Nobody needs to know except me. It's not hiding that you're not perfect, in some instances it's not giving somebody ammunition they could use to harm or embarrass you. What if it costs her a job? What if it affects her kids? What if it affects how her spouse is viewed in the community? It's 2017 and yes, those things still do happen. It's not up to her to educate the community about alopecia by proclaiming to the world that she wears a wig because of it.
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Permalink Reply by Debbi Fuller on
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I realize that it isn't specifically what she asked, but this forum is open to all opinions. It has been my experience that keeping it a "secret" only leads to more difficulties. I can't even think of an occasion when being open about it has cost anyone their job or reputation. It may have but of the approximately 1000 alopecians I know personally, I have not heard of it except in the case of one teenage boy. For the most part, when people are open about their condition they get great support from the friends and colleagues and they are free to worry about something other than their hair! However, if she decides to keep it a secret, she did get some very practical suggestions from some of the members. I just don't find it helpful to discourage people from "coming out" about their condition as it is 99% of the time a very freeing and positive experience and that is supported by the majority of those who commented When someone says that their friends don't "need to know" then of course they don't. You're not doing it for them. You're doing it for yourself. Children can learn a lot from a parent who shows the courage to confront it head on. It is a teaching moment and the children of someone with alopecia are taught from early on not to judge a book by it's cover which is something we all need to learn.
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Thank you Debbie
I cannot see how wig secrecy can be good
I agree with what you wrote
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Thanks Marsha. I know this is a sensitive topic - it's just 30 years of experience not all my own, mostly others that have lead me to believe that being open is the absolute best way to deal with it. This goes for other things as well, not just alopecia. It's not a matter of feeling obligated to teach others about the disease, although that is a really good thing to do and its like paying it forward, it's more about reaching a really secure and confident place in your own life. But this is extremely personal and we are not all going to deal with it in the same way. I just hope that everyone lives life to the fullest and doesn't let it get in the way of doing exactly what you want every day of your life.
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It's very important to me to educate and inform
Others about dwarfism Alopecia thru my fabulous wig collection.
In my case I'm not as inhibited as many " regular " alopecians
Are because I am a dwarf as well as an alopecian
And have dwarfism alopecia. I can't hide the dwarfism so
Why hide its Alopecia. And in my case it has one more
Weird " twist " insomuch as I have d
Dwarfism Alopecia DENTAL auto immune inflammatory ravage.
This 4/1/2017 it will be 1 year that I'm in NY undergoing
Dwarfism Alopecia dental treatment not avail in Fla.
I luckily work my Fla job remotely here fulltime
As I undergo the treatment. I kind of had to explain
My situation to my employer and to clients etcetera
So I really don't have the opportunity and means to hide it
Besides- why should I be ashamed and want to hide it
It's not shameful. I learned a lot from a transgender friend
Of mine. "she" taught me a lot about not being ashamed. I became a big ally of the transgender community and learned to be confident
And proud poised and self assured about my dwarfism Alopecia.
And it also helps me that I am
Dyslexic ADHD PTSD learning disabled Aspergers " aspie " and
Have Irlen syndrome. Due to the Irlen syndrome
I have to wear extremely dark Irlen glasses. I can't hide it as
I can't wear contacts. So I learned to be open about it and not feel any need for secrecy.
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Wow Marsha! The rest of us can sure learn from your experiences! You are a STRONG person for sure! Good point though, no point in hiding alopecia when the other stuff is right there for everyone to know anyway. Agree also about not being "ashamed" of something that isn't shameful in the first place.
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I agree with Dollhead. Revealing one's wig-wearing status absolutely depends on one's particular social, professional, ad family situation -- and "coming out" is not for everyone all the time. I tell who I want to tell. I'm not obligated to fill my life with teaching moments for other people due to my health condition and, quite frankly, I enjoy knowing that my wig looks so good that plenty of people think this is my real hair and compliment it.
That said, I've definitely made some big changes in my hair/wig styles over the years and here's how I get away with it: Confidence and creative storytelling. When I've switched styles (e.g., short to long), I've told people that it's extensions. I say it with confidence, and end it with, "I love it, don't you? It just feels so good and swishy!" Or something to that effect. When you talk with confidence and happiness, people tend to go along with what you're saying and not investigate too deeply. Fake it till you make it. At best, I've gotten questions about who my hair stylist is -- because the folks asking the question want to go to her! I always give her name; she's discreet enough not to reveal anything and she loves knowing that her work is so good that people think my wig is my real hair.
Blair, there are lots of wigs out there and it takes effort and time to find the one that will work best for you. If you have any questions, feel free to get in touch.
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There have been 13 posts to the OP telling her to tell people about her alopecia. For those of you say you've known 1,000 of people who've done this and felt better about it, that doesn't take into account those of us who are NOT comfortable sharing that information and would NOT feel better about it at all. Just because telling people worked out for you, it doesn't mean it will for the rest of us. The OP didn't ask whether or not she should tell people, and it seems by the question she doesn't WANT people to know and doesn't want to tell people. If she doesn't want people to notice, she clearly doesn't want people to know, and you telling her how much better it is to tell people up front isn't helpful.
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Maybe, maybe not. Sometimes hearing from others that a different course of action IS helpful might make you take a second look at your decision. If not, no biggie. Now she has options on both sides. We all have the right to tell her what we think - she can ignore it or not - as she chooses.
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