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Permalink Reply by GardenJess on February 22, 2015 at 12:05pm

I just want to say you are not alone. I'm about 10 years younger than you, and have young kids, so I have to get out, but there are days when I think that, if it were just up to me, I would just avoid the whole issue of how I appear to others by staying home. I've been dealing with extreme hair loss for about two years, and even as I'm not sure just how I want to go forward, I realize that part of what makes going out into the world hard for me is my indecision. Being in limbo is hard, but perhaps also necessary at times. Do I want to be comfortable and be myself in a cap or scarf? Do I want to blend in and look "normal" by wearing a wig that is both physically uncomfortable and psychologically unsettling? Do I take advantage of the opportunity to have beautiful, youthful hair and an easy way to look good? If I opt for comfort, am I just kidding myself that I am comfortable in my own skin? I know that strangers assume I must be sick. I know that I look older and less attractive. But I want to be OK being me! In the end, I think my behavior, and perhaps yours, is the best indicator of what is working and what is not. Assuming that we don't get our hair back, what is the best option that will leave you holding your head high? I currently have crazy enough hair that I won't go bare headed away from home, yet last summer, when I had shaved my head, I had glimpses of confidence. I felt strong. I hate that there are expectations around that a person can just get a wig, be glamorous, and be done with it. I don't like wearing wigs. But I am happy to have a nice wig that is flattering for when I want one. Maybe you have yet to find a wig that you really like. I just got a new wig (did I mention I hate wigs) that I chose to be as minimalist as possible, completely unlike my bio hair with the idea that I could wear it like a cap and pass for normal. Being a very short wig, it is relatively comfortable, and I can forget I am wearing it. I don't know how open you have been about your hair loss, but it has definitely helped me to not attempt to hide it. That said, I'm still not ready to, say, show up at my kid's school with short hair one day and long the next, though I often go from hair to no hair (under a hat). I tell myself that someday I will be less in limbo and more comfortable presenting myself.
Sorry that this was so long. What would you advise a friend in your situation? It sounds like missing out on life is making you sad, and that is just no good. Take a small step if that is what you feel up to, and don't chastise yourself if sometimes you take a step backwards. Life is too short to make it all about hair.

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Permalink Reply by Kat on February 22, 2015 at 4:29pm

Thank you so much for replying. You gave me a lot to think about. Good luck to you Kat

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