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How to accept being ugly
This is going to sound majorly harsh, but hear me out.
I feel like the "bald is beautiful" is a lie we tell ourselves and others just to feel better. I don't think bald is beautiful. I think some can be beautiful IN SPITE of being bald, but it will always detract from their appearance. I don't want to pamper myself and say that if I take a bubble bath and get new clothes and work on the rest of my appearance and "do things to make myself feel pretty" I'll feel attractive, because guess what, I'm not, and I won't try to fool myself into thinking I am. I'm sorry, I realize how insulting to everyone this sounds, but looks DO weigh more than personality in the world. Unfair and sucky, but it's true and we all know it. Jobs, dating, personal worth largely hinges on social perception of ourselves. I can't look a certain way and I can't fool myself into feeling a certain way and so normally I focus on other things, but I'm still never really ok. I go through life knowing that disgust is power, and so no one will mess with me because in a way, walking around with a half smooth half shaved head makes me look tough. But still, I know I am still not ok with my ugliness.
There must be a way to peace without lying to myself. Question is, how can I come to terms and accept that I am ugly? Any thoughts?
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Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Braden on
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Hi there, I have had alopecia since 28. I am 41 now. I have never felt or found myself remotely able to be secure with my looks in public. I am married and have three beautiful children . My kids don't care how I look as they just see me as their dad. But inside I die everyday because I know I can't be the confident dad they deserve and need. I put up this hard exterior almost in a way to deal with my insecurities on a daily basis. Moving from a full head of hair to alopecia totalis has been a hard and treacherous journey for me. I have lost work and my career because of it, lost my true love because I became withdrawn ,putting up different coping mechanisms and lost myself because I allowed it to dis-empower me. But I just can't find a way to deal with it. I walk around with my bald head everyday and it's not me . It's just not me...I don't know if I will ever come to terms with this and I am very afraid that it consumes me slowly to the point where I loose all my dignity. I truly know where you coming from. Unless someone has walked in your shoes for more than 10 years with no hope of a cure or remedy they will never know your pain. I too feel ugly .
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Permalink Reply by kim on
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Thank you for sharing. I didn't know men felt that way. I thought it was just us girls.
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Right there with you, I'm 32, loved my hair, my beard, until I got alopecia universal a year ago. Now life is pretty shit.
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My life has been ruined. I am so glad you guys have supported my comments. At least I am not alone in the way I feel.
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I don't mean to judge here, but I've observed that male baldness is 100% accepted by modern society. At least in the U.S. it is! There are gorgeous bald men everywhere. Some women even think it's sexy. I don't mean to minimize your pain, but it is 1000 TIMES WORSE FOR WOMEN!
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Permalink Reply by Debbi Fuller on
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I've said this before and I'll say it again. I have now been working selling vacuum-fit prostheses for 25 years. In that time, I have met and worked with hundreds of young women and some men. About 90% of them are HAPPILY married to fantastic partners. It boils down to this: If you accept yourself, then others will accept you. You need to be kind, funny, a good person. If you are, then people will be attracted to you, bald or not. You can't move AWAY from people, you have to move TOWARD them. If you don't like being bald, then get a wig. If you are happy bald, then be bald proudly and with confidence. It is all up to you. I know this is true because all of my young customers can't all be the exceptions. It's more common to be happy and loved than not.
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Permalink Reply by justlovely16 on
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Hi All,
I would love to see some pics of scarves being worn at home. When I get in the house, I will take off my wig so that my head can breathe, however it would be fun to wear some nice scarves around my family every now and then.
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Permalink Reply by cara2day on
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I just think people judge our appearance enough without us judging out our own so strongly, I just shaved my head again tonight, like with a razor, I love being bald it feels empowering, I obviously deal with it differently as alopecia has always been a part of me but its who you are now, try to embrace it and have fun with it:)x
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Permalink Reply by Cissie55 on
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I agree!!! I have Alopecia. Just happened after the loss of my sister three years ago. I will turn 60 in November and feel like my life is now over! I'm sad, I feel ugly & I hate it! Why did God do this to me?
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Permalink Reply by Kitty on
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Don't blame God! He is wonderful! I feel like loosing it from time to time but HE gives me strength and I continue with my life being bald. I wanted to kill myself, I've been diagnosed with depression and my self esteem sometimes is on the floor but I HAVE TO CONTINUE LIVING. This condition should not destroy our lifes!!! I'm sure there's people that will give their opinion of "how many other blessings we have in our lifes" and let me tell you something...those opinions ease my pain everyday but it's still hard. I know what you feel, I've been there and it will be bearable with time and acceptance...something that I'm still working on until today...its been almost 20 years...;)
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Kitty, I too suffer with depression & have cried so much. I'm on an antidepressant to help. I don't really blame God. I know that was wrong to say. I need his strength!
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From time to time I also question my destiny, I guess we are special and we have something in common... knowing what is to feel pain inside,we found this support group and we try to keep going everyday...so cheer up!! Tomorrow will be better than today, and if not, the day after tomorrow!
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