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How to accept being ugly
This is going to sound majorly harsh, but hear me out.
I feel like the "bald is beautiful" is a lie we tell ourselves and others just to feel better. I don't think bald is beautiful. I think some can be beautiful IN SPITE of being bald, but it will always detract from their appearance. I don't want to pamper myself and say that if I take a bubble bath and get new clothes and work on the rest of my appearance and "do things to make myself feel pretty" I'll feel attractive, because guess what, I'm not, and I won't try to fool myself into thinking I am. I'm sorry, I realize how insulting to everyone this sounds, but looks DO weigh more than personality in the world. Unfair and sucky, but it's true and we all know it. Jobs, dating, personal worth largely hinges on social perception of ourselves. I can't look a certain way and I can't fool myself into feeling a certain way and so normally I focus on other things, but I'm still never really ok. I go through life knowing that disgust is power, and so no one will mess with me because in a way, walking around with a half smooth half shaved head makes me look tough. But still, I know I am still not ok with my ugliness.
There must be a way to peace without lying to myself. Question is, how can I come to terms and accept that I am ugly? Any thoughts?
-PG
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by kim on
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Larry, It's not your fault. You should not be expected to marry a bald girl. No man should be expected to marry a bald girl. Because we are ugly. That was my point, "we are ugly".
You are not to blame.
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look Kim... with wigs nobody knows and that is a fact.
where are you from? did you try treatments?
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My hair and eyebrows fell out in one day, I have had no effective treatment.
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Permalink Reply by Larry Barbee on
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Baldness had nothing to do with why we didn't get married. We had physical attraction but little else. We shared the same faith but I hated the movies and television shows she liked, and she hated the shows I liked. She couldn't swim and I like to scuba dive. That's what ended our romantic relationship, but we're still friends. Some times she takes her wigs off and some times she doesn't and I'm still proud to be seen with her with or without hair.
The bottom line is whether you want to keep your negative and self destructive attitudes or are you willing to consider that maybe, just maybe, baldness does have to mean you're ugly or that it defines you as a victim rather than a person.
It's all a matter of choice. Throw your life and happiness away, or choose to be a fully developed woman who has a challenge. I'll be the first to say it won't be easy, but it's also far from being impossible.
Any man who rejects you after learning you are bald and knowing all the other wonderful things about you isn't worth having, and he has the problem, not you!
God bless and sincerest love,
Larry
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Permalink Reply by Debbi Fuller on
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Kim, my husband has been married to ME, a bald woman, for 30 years. I know SO many bald women who are happily married and who have active sex lives, great kids and happy lives. I know you don't want to believe this, but happiness is a choice and beauty truly is both in the eye of the beholder and also only skin deep. If you feel ugly on the inside, it shows on the outside and vice versa. I don't wear hair at home and neither my husband nor my friends care. Last night at a New Year's Eve party with both friends and and equal amount of strangers, I took my hair off to show one of my NEW friends my tattoos! Everyone thought I was the coolest thing since sliced bread. It's all in your attitude. People marry women with lots of much more serious disabilities all the time. If you have a smile on your face and love in your heart you will find love. I know this sounds like little Mary Sunshine, but it is absolutely, incontrovertibly true.
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In the interest of giving a balanced perspective and not having Kim think it's all in her mind, My husband DOES definitely care about my hair loss. He's not rude about it, but he would definitely be uncomfortable if I didn't wear my wig at home.
I don't doubt your experience, Debi, but it is a reasonable concern that many men would have a hard time with it. Just saying, "DOn't be silly, men dont care," just isnt accurate.
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Hi Jenny and Kim,
I'm not saying that there aren't men out there who are upset or not comfortable with a bald woman, I'm saying that the vast majority of the men I've met who are married to a bald woman (in the hundreds) don't care at all. It probably makes a difference if they met and married a woman who was bald to start with. If the woman became bald during the marriage I can see where the man might not be the sort of person who is comfortable with it. The man who marries a bald woman is usually a very accepting and non-judgemental sort of guy and those are the ones I've mostly met I guess! If I were to start out again looking for a husband, it would be a requirement of mine that he not give a hoot. Life is too short to worry about whether my husband might catch me without my hair on! Most of the women I've met who wear hair all the time do it because THEY are uncomfortable. The men would mostly rather that they not even bother but they can't seem to get past it. Everyone is different and one person's experience isn't of course, universal, but there are a LOT of men who really don't care at all.
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I'm a man and I don't care, nor do a lot of other men that I've spoken to about this subject. Are there men who do care? You bet. Some care because it isn't the norm, but other who care are jerks.
God bless,
Larry
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Exactly Larry!! Thank you!!
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When you say you and these other men "don't care," what do you mean, exactly? Doyou mean that you're all married to bald women and have no problem seeing them with no wig?
It's easy to say you "don't care" when you have experienced it and aren't in that situation.
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Hope Larry chimes in here Jenny, I meant that the husbands I know - LOTS of them, including mine, really don't care. My own husband tells people, sometimes perfect strangers, "ask Debbi to show you her tattoos"! So I do! He was the one, the first night I shaved off what little remained of my hair (I was crying and depressed and felt "ugly"), 30 years ago, who suggested that we "get busy" as hair wasn't what he was focused on! He put it differently than that, as you can imagine - but the upshot was that he loved ME, not my hair - although he did express some reservations if I had lost my "booty"! It seems so long ago now, but having someone love you for WHO you are is huge and there are TONS of great men out there! I've met a LOT of them through my work.
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