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How to accept being ugly
This is going to sound majorly harsh, but hear me out.
I feel like the "bald is beautiful" is a lie we tell ourselves and others just to feel better. I don't think bald is beautiful. I think some can be beautiful IN SPITE of being bald, but it will always detract from their appearance. I don't want to pamper myself and say that if I take a bubble bath and get new clothes and work on the rest of my appearance and "do things to make myself feel pretty" I'll feel attractive, because guess what, I'm not, and I won't try to fool myself into thinking I am. I'm sorry, I realize how insulting to everyone this sounds, but looks DO weigh more than personality in the world. Unfair and sucky, but it's true and we all know it. Jobs, dating, personal worth largely hinges on social perception of ourselves. I can't look a certain way and I can't fool myself into feeling a certain way and so normally I focus on other things, but I'm still never really ok. I go through life knowing that disgust is power, and so no one will mess with me because in a way, walking around with a half smooth half shaved head makes me look tough. But still, I know I am still not ok with my ugliness.
There must be a way to peace without lying to myself. Question is, how can I come to terms and accept that I am ugly? Any thoughts?
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Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by cara2day on
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I'm bald and I am beautiful, you obviously see yourself as ugly but why brandish every bald woman as the same? Thank you for point blank calling me and hundreds of other women ugly. You have no place to say anyone can every judge you for being bald when you judge everyone yourself, very ignorant and narrow minded
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Permalink Reply by C on
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It's funny how the people who agree that bald is beautiful get applause and the supporters of I don't care if I don't have hair get in their pulpits and start preaching. The people who disagree with them have to be the bad guys who don't show support. I don't understand why an opinion can't be respected even if it doesn't sound like ice cream and cotton candy. My preference is hair and just because I accept the idea that I may never have hair again doesn't mean I want to be this hot sexy bald woman. Yes, my hair has always been a part of who I am and I'm not ashamed of that. As far as I'm concerned I'm beautiful with hair and there's nothing wrong with me feeling that way. No, I don't think it's right to label anyone ugly for any reason. I also don't think it's right to call people names ,criticize and make them feel bad for not conforming to your beliefs and opinions. Life such as it is doesn't guarantee that everyone will see you as you see yourself whether in a negative or positive light . Sounds more like some of the preachers need to practice sticks and stones while they call themselves promoting self esteem. JIMHO
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Permalink Reply by Dehliaa on
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Bald to another IS beautiful just because you do not feel that way...We all have an opinion. We are are at some stage while different stages some stage in our own lives. I don't tell myself anything.I wake up each day and that God that I am alive and have another day to get things right. Please, self pity is something we all deal with at some point or another. But until you can walk in someone else's shoes...don't insult! I not sure how any of us get through our days, but I would like to believe it starts with being kind to others, sympathize with a few. You aren't in their shoes and Do Not know What They are going through.Harsh...? You were rude and inconsiderate. Practice what your ate preaching.
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Aging does make a difference, Marie. I agree with every single point you make. When we age, alopecia is just one piece of the puzzle…we change, we sag, wrinkle, and sometimes become invisible. I love that! When that happens, you really begin to live without expectations. When I spend time in Asia, where age is respected and honored, it wakes me up to the fact that we as women, no matter what age, have to value ourselves for our hearts and our generosity, and our kindness, humor, intellect….all of those qualities that make us a better friend, wife, mother, partner,grandmother, counselor and on and on…. Looks are fleeting. I still miss my hair but I love my life.
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Permalink Reply by Madge Deeter on
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Well said, Marie. I begin loosing my hair due to Alopecia at age 63. I am now totally "hairless" and LOVE IT. Yes, it was a struggle and many days and nights of crying and just trying to function. But with MUCH prayer and tons of support from my wonderful husband,(who never lets me forget that he married the person, not the hair) I can truly say "Thank you Lord for this season of my life"!! My hair was thick and naturally curly...lost all of it in a matter of six months! Have been told by several doctors that it probably won't come back and if it does I will most likely lose it again. NOT...been there, done that and climbed that mountain!! Will not give it a chance to grow and fall out again!!! I do wear my wigs to work, church and ballroom dancing, but at home (especially during the hot Tennessee summers) I go bald!! Did go overboard on pretty head scarves and wear them traveling or running errands. I know for me, had I not come to terms with this, life would be a miserable journey! Sidebar: I would spend at least an hour on my hair alone before a ballroom dance. Now I get ready in record time!! I do earnestly pray that this young woman will be able to, in some way, come to terms with her alopecia.
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Just a side question. I've heard people say they wear wigs when they leave the house only. Why is that? If you like how you look and feel in a wig, wouldn't you want to do it all the time? And if you DON'T like how you look and feel in a wig, why ever wear one?
Just curious because I've heard that several times.
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This may be a simplistic answer but...I like the way I look and feel in high heel shoes, would I want to wear them all the time, at home or out and about...absolutely not. But I realize everyone is different and each has to deal with alopecia in whatever way they feel is best for them.
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First off, The "unrealistic standard" of beauty is not something I've struggled with before. Sure I'll never have a tan or be 5' 9'' with DD cups, but that didn't matter because I was happy with the way I looked even if it was nothing like a movie star. Alopecia is different because it is not normal, it is a medical condition and something that shouldn't happen. When you hate your hair because it's not the texture or color you would want is one thing, but having your hair fall out because your body hates it for whatever reason is different. It doesn't look right because it isn't right!
Also, this is what it looks like when I stand up and put on my "big girl pants," I speak my big girl mind. If I was feeling sorry for myself, I wouldn't even be trying to do anything about how I feel. I would not have joined because being part of a support site is a step towards healing emotionally, and part of that is being honest, even when it's uncomfortable, because only when we truly share can the real support begin, for everyone involved.
I'm sorry that you are feeling negatively about aging. I'm not going to tell you to put on your granny panties because I can see how it would be hard to accept changes in your appearance, even if 100% of the population will face (as opposed to whatever percent of people get alopecia). To me though, all those features you describe are just marks of a person who has gained years of wisdom. We as a culture have a habit of perpetuating that people older than a certain age are no longer useful and don't matter, whereas many arguably more mature cultures see elders as people of high rank and respect.
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