How to deal with kids calling your child bald

My son is 5 yrs old and is currently experiencing Totalis. He recognized this condition last year, and we have explained that sometimes his hair just doesn't want to grow. We have made sure that he knows that he is perfect and beautiful for who he is, and he has grown to be confident and comfortable. Since the alopecia started, we have seen a whole range of reactions from the public...from adults asking if he has cancer (right in front of him!) to kids who play with him without even noticing. The newest reaction, which has happened several times lately, is a kid walking up to him, touching his head (or pointing) and declaring "He's bald!". So far on these occasions, myself or my husband have been there to jump in and deter the child and speak with their parents. My son has not seemed to notice, but I am worried that he soon will...and that it will hurt his feelings. Fellow parents: How do you deal with people throwing around the word "bald" to your child? Thanks in advance for any insight or tips.

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Permalink Reply by Yogita on July 26, 2014 at 2:04pm

Dear Melkat09

My son is also 5 years old and experiencing AT. He is also facing similar problems at school and / or other places. I have taught him to ignore such comments. I keep on telling him Hair or no hair he is my child and we love him no matter what. He is one of twins. So I've taught his brother to tell him the same. We say 'I love you' to him very frequently. It has tremendously positive effect that he has stopped gritting teeth in sleep. I have learned first thing about Alopecia is that you have to accept the situation. Stop over protecting your child, see the inner beauty and enhance child's abilities. Encourage him to come forward and speak in front of other people. Even if 1 person listen to him without teasing him, it will help kid to enhance his confidence.

Arnav's new class teacher congratulated me on the very first meeting. Saying that he is very composed about his appearance. We have long way to go. Together WE CAN..... Take care

Permalink Reply by Dena on July 26, 2014 at 4:30pm

I know my daughter enjoys people touching her head. I think in her mind that it is a way of people accepting her. The same way she plays with her close friend's hair. I have also stroked her head since this all began and her friends, coaches, teacher etc. have all done it occasionally. She tells me she likes having her head rubbed. My daughter has Alopecia Universalis and most kids comment on how soft her head feels. I am surprised by how many seem interested in touching her head, but people use to touch her hair when she had hair so I guess it is sorta the same thing. It might help to contact NAAF since your child is school age. They have lots of resources that can help his classmates understand his condition. Sometimes you or his teacher just sitting down and explaining it gets all the questions out of the way. I agree to just follow his lead. If a child doesn't seem to realize anything is wrong and their parent acts as if there is, it is only going to make them stress over a situation that they were unaware of in the first place. Young kids don't have the social skills to understand when they are crossing boundaries. I really think most of the time they mean nothing by it and I try my best to cut them a break if my daughter seems o.k. Unfortunately there are a lot of adults who are insensitive too. Those people are not so easily ignored.

Permalink Reply by melkat09 on July 27, 2014 at 7:17pm

Thanks again everyone. It really does not seem to bother him when people touch his head...so we will take that into consideration from now on :)

Permalink Reply by melkat09 on July 28, 2014 at 7:58pm

Tallguy,

I like your mom's sarcasm! I think she handled that situation in a more composed manner than I would have! It is crazy that you all were used to dealing with that kind of ignorance and abuse...it is disturbing how horrible some people can be. I have restrained myself in many situations because I have not wanted to make a big to-do in front of my son when he wasn't upset...but someone like that would have set me off!

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