Alopecia World
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I feel like wigs are dominating my life
The title says a lot, but let me elaborate.
First, wigs are an extra bill. I spend so much getting custom wigs that I'm not even happy in, and have to buy a new one about every month because they start looking more unnatural than a wig should after that time.
Every single person on this site wants their hair back if they lost it, myself included. I get emotional when I'm putting my wigs on or taking them off, and some days I have to fight back tears seeing my bald scalp and my "hair" on a plastic head. I'm so paranoid as well about the wig falling off, and would never want anyone to see me without it and my eyebrows/fake lashes. Even on a site like this, one with many people in the same boat as me, I won't post pictures of myself without my wig on. I never take them, because I'm afraid someone might stumble into them and, in a few years, I want to remember me with my wigs on that look somewhat like my old hair than the bald woman I hate being in reality.
I've had to limit myself a lot in what I do. I don't go in the water at the beach anymore, and if I go at all I put a hat on and just read while I sweat under my thick brown wig and resist the temptation to itch at sand that gets under the front. Wind is a nightmare-- I've actually had nightmares about a strong gust of wind taking my wig with it, and my hand is always on the front of my wig whenever it starts. My wig doesn't have lace on the back, and I don't want someone to see something that suggests that the wig on top of my head isn't my actual hair. I rarely play with my son anymore, because I'm afraid he'll tug at the wig and he's never seen me bald.
The self-consciousness is killing me. After every period at the school I teach I go to the woman's room with my makeup in my purse to redo my eyebrows and the makeup around the wig.
I just want my hair back.
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by BabyBaldie on
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I lost my hair after a bout of fast thinning and then wham out it fell in August of 2015. Shocker, life changer just like that. Idiopathic diffuse alopecia.
I went with some really good wigs costing hundreds. I was never really happy. You have to have an imagination and I went about a year trail and error a very expensive frustrating year. And then one day I see a photo on ebay of a wig it looked like my old hair. Color and all. It was about 50 dollars I since found for 20. Best hair ever.
The pics. I have to trim bangs and cut long layer up a few inches and done. The back comes flippy and I just use hot air brush to tame under and spray. I am my old me. I have one in a pony tail I switch to for my walking and hanging at home, another all styled to go, and another being washed and going...
I am blonde, I go rooted so that imperfections are not obvious. Seems one color wigs lead to that fake look you see and others may not in scalp area. Frosted wigs, tricky in how the streaks come from part. Roots create definition and make allowances.
First, you need to be comfortable with who you are without the wig. Not saying you will go out like that. But you need to embrace it. Otherwise you will suffer a great deal. First start by showing family, friends. And when you find a partner you just have to be frank and no afraid to show him. I did and I am still alive and well.
Do not look for approval or affirmation from others. Find it within and it all just works out.
Hey, hair loss is not painful and certainly if you are leading a full life is just another thing to do in your routine. Make it fun.
If you can do a short hair style the world is yours with any wig at all available to you. Too long and you have lots a care and knots and straggly ends and don't hold up as long.
When a wig gets older it becomes my pony tail wig. all kinds of tricks and routines will come to you when you don't resist.
You have to see a wig, cost etc.. it may not be shown in your color or cut but you can make it yours. I pay 20 bucks for wigs now that are soooooo much better than my 500 dollar ones. But I have come across crappy wigs all the same.
Some wigs companies show terrible photos and have great wigs. Which upsets me because if not popular they stop making them.
So here is the wig from manufacturer photo
Here from ebay seller
On me...
See? the second photo if that woman selling did not setup and display I would have never known the red headed one would be the wig that gave me ME back.
Best of luck and have fun with it.. It is a sucky thing but you can make it a good experience for you and others you love.
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I just read this post on NBC and to me it really ties in with this discussion.
http://community.today.com/parentingteam/post/how-we-tell-our-child...It may be hard to keep things in perspective for myself but with my 5 year old daughter around I know I can't say things or act in ways that show I feel ugly or like a freak. I want to encourage her to grow up to be accepting of her looks and kind to herself and others. With vitiligo, rosacea, and the general wear and tear of being nearly 50, I could have plenty to complain about besides alopecia, I'm not a gorgeous young thing who can pull off any hair style or lack thereof with style, but what do I want to teach my children? And do I want to spend the next 30 years feeling uglier with each passing year. Seems a waste. (And please, I realize there are differing opinions, and it is not my intention at all to say a particular reader should feel the way I do.)
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My teenage daughter boasts that she inherited my abundance of self-esteem. I think you're right, we teach them how to think about themselves by how we act towards ourselves.
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Permalink Reply by Zimrie on
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When my child was still a toddler, she learned that my wigs made me uncomfortable and when we were at home she would express concern and say "take your hair off." She got used to seeing me without any hair and with various head covers.
In my work places and elsewhere, I tell people the truth about my disease and let them think what they want. Sometimes they're inconsiderate and I just let it bounce off me. Other times, they offer feedback about which hair piece or head cover looks the best.
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Permalink Reply by Franchesca Bass on
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Thanks so much for sharing your post. What all of us alopecians need to remember is that we are beautiful inside and out. Our hair does not define who we are, it's just an accessory in the grand scheme of it all. I know how hard it is to actually believe we are beautiful but the more we tell ourselves we are beautiful the more we will believe it. Instead of telling you how to feel I want to help by giving you and other alopecians tips on how to learn to love yourself. Start by telling yourself out loud you are beautiful. You might not believe it right away but still say it. Each morning when you wake up think of one thing you love about you or your life. It can be as simple as you love the decorations you put up in your room. The more you start to become aware of the positive things in life the negative will slowly disappear. Your hair should not control your life. It is okay to want to wear a wig, but it should not become you. You are a beautiful soul that should be seen and known for the shining light you have inside. I wish the best for you and all the alopecians struggling with this. I have personal experience with wearing a wig and wanting the hair to look real and last longer than a month due to finances. Luckily I found the Joli Cameleon Dancer wig that looks beautiful and has lasted me over a year! I wear the wig everyday and do intense physical activity and the hair still looks beautiful and I don't have to worry about my hair sliding off during workouts and dance practice due to the amazing design. The wig is light and comfortable and doesn't make me feel like I'm wearing a contraption on my head. I strongly recommend this wig for anyone wanting natural looking wig that is able to undergo our crazy everyday lifestyles!
Hope this was able to help. Feel free to reach out if you have more questions!
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I was reading the posts and i keep seeing the same weird connection. The wig nightmares..
I have nightmares of walking into the gym, with my wig not attached securely.. I look in the mirror and fix the damn thing - and while working out, i look in the mirror and the wig is either sitting way back on my head, or sometimes just sitting on the bench right next to me.
Or i dream that i'm putting on my wig, go into the gym locker room or school or a mall where there are tons of people. I look in the mirror and the wig is on fine? Then suddenly, i am completely standing in the midst of a crowd of people who are staring at me kind of funny while walking past me. My wig is no where to be seen. Every one can see bald spots, all over my head.
Then there are the "dreams".. I've heard of paraplegics that dream that they are walking or running.
My dreams are of growing a mane so full and long, i will never need a wig again. Sometimes I dream of being in a beauty shop. The beautician turns me around in the chair to look in the mirror, and there i am with this full head of hair.
Or i dream that i made a beauty appointment, the beautician forgets to show up. I'm standing outside the beauty salon wondering what to do? I see a reflection of myself, and i have this beautiful head of hair, and i think - "I guess i don't need her anymore"..
When i wake up from the nightmares - i'm relieved that it was just a nightmare..
But when i wake up from my dreams of having that long, gorgeous hair.. i feel really sad..
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I feel your pain as I live in Florida and deal with the same issues. I found a hat at a festival that has saved me from worrying about my hair flying off on a boat while going fast. It is seagrass crushable hat...serious outdoor lifesaver for me..I just checked the website and they seem to be out of stock. crushableseagrasshats.com
A little itchy on the forehead if you have no bangs but other than that, it lets your head breathe...worth the $34
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Permalink Reply by Marie on
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There are as many ways to deal with Alopecia as there are people. I have chosen to wear wigs because once I tried one on, I fell in love with fashion potential. I wear wigs because they give me hair options I never had before. I change them with my mood and ensemble. The key to making it work is to stop pretending you aren't wearing a wig. The first thing I did was to let everyone know I wear them. While I certainly don't begin conversations with "Hi, I wear wigs!", when I get a compliment or people ask how much I spend to constantly change hair color, I let them know immediately. I don't have a problem with people knowing my hair is a wig because I view it no differently than fake nails, make up, or Spanx -- I wear those all the time, and I never pretend they are natural. No one feels shamed by purchasing a Victoria Secret padded bra or getting gel nails! They just make me feel good and be fashionable. Now and then on these forums, I get the feeling that members view going bald in public as the only way to properly accept or deal with Alopecia. Not so. I also publically claim my Alopecia by wearing a variety of wigs and not hiding the reason I wear them. No one feels sorry for me because my hair fell out, I have a lot of fun with my "hair", I don't care who knows I wear a wig, and I'm not self conscious. I've actually adjusted my wig in the line at the grocery store. Guess what happened? Nothing! I think of wigs as effortless hair fashion. Every morning, I shave my head if I need to, put a piece of short tape at the front and back of my wig, put it on, and forget it. My wig has NEVER come off when I didn't want it to: I snorkel, workout, sail, dance, get intimate, perform on stage, etc... so, maybe the answer to changing the way you feel about Alopecia is to change the way you think about wigs.
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I love your attitude, and I think you make an excellent point about what happens if a wig adjustment (or worse) is needed. It is too easy to assume the worst case scenario, and yet, when you really think about it, perhaps hard to imagine just how someone--stranger, acquaintance or friend--learning you wear a wig could cause truly dire consequences. And if you are open about it in general, there is no potential power in the discovery.
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These are really great posts!
This is even more ironic. I guess i have alopecia areata. Every year, on November 16, yes, i have it down to a science, i have my annual hair fall. At one time, it didn't happen for a couple of years. During that time i wore wigs, cheap ones at that. At that point i didn't care if any "knew it was a wig".
Most of my patients that i was seeing at the time were cancer survivors, and they knew even if didn't tell them.
For two years my hair grew back while i wore my natural hair in cornrows as a protective style underneath my wigs. I was so proud of my collar bone length growth, that i took a pic and sent it out to my close circle of friends - which were all men. They DIDN'T EVEN NOTICE MY HAIR :( - they just gave me the usual compliments I've been hearing for years.
I had to point out to them in a group text, why i sent the pic.. and they didn't care one way or the other really. They said my hair looked healthy, etc., but what mattered the most was who i was - not what's on my head. Typical men. :)
I decided to send that pic to a female coworker that i befriended at my last assignment. I didn't realize she could be so catty. She saw the pic - and the first thing she texted back was - "That's not your hair. Everyone told me you wear wigs.."
Not, "Hey, great to hear from you".. she went into "critical mode" right off the bat.
I sent her a pic of the wig i wore, which was a short pixie style. Then sent a pic of MY hair and scalp.. I explained to her about wearing wigs, while wearing "protective styles" such as braids beneath them to grow out our natural hair. Every culture does it.
All i received was an "oh" and i never heard from her again.
And of course the following year, all of my hair, some of my eyelashes, and eyebrows fell out, and have been falling out annually ever since. November 16.
Moral of this story. Marie and many other ladies who've accepted wigs as fashionable have the right idea.
Just stick to the people in your life who don't give a rat's a** ..
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