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I need a reality check
I'm a 34 year-old woman who is losing her hair, most likely due to Androgenetic Alopecia, or chronic Telogen (no one really knows). I've done everything I could have done - medically. I've battled this for 4 years and it has practically destroyed my self esteem. At this point there is nothing (at least medical) that can help it. So I have decided to try the path of acceptance, and started working on my self esteem again.
My biggest anxiety about this is social isolation, and never finding/keeping a decent romantic partner. What I need right now is some honesty...how damaging is my balding (in reality, not what my mind makes up) really going to be in terms of finding and keeping a job I love, finding someone great, and finding good friends in my life? Bottom, line how much of my anxiety is me, and how much is reality?
Some days are worse than others for me, but in general - I like to know what I'm up against. I would like to know how to stop the negative self talk. So some reality would be good here :0)
Thanks!
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Rose Marie' on
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Hi
I don't know if you have children... if you do imagine what you would say to them if they were dealing with hairloss (if you don't think of a loved one). Would you reinforce that because of it...their life may have challenges that they need to feel very anxious about. I know you wouldn't do that:) So, think how kind you would be to a child, friend, someone you loved and treat yourself in the same way. No self loathing....as I know you would not loathe someone in your position. No, name calling... as I know you wouldn't do that to someone in your position. Just loving support and being proactive around the things you need to do to move your life in the direction you want it to go.
My daughter has alopecia, crohns, eczema, asthma, and anaphalactic food allergies....life moves on. We have to find the things that makes us joyful and strong. Find those things become who you want to be. My daughter also has a double degree in Medicinal Chemistry and teaching. She sings, writes music, is an accomplished piano player, loves the ukelele..... She is beautiful, fun to be around, caring, loving. Yes, we have bad days but we do our best to move past them...accept them for what they are and get to a place where life is what she wants it to be.
Hope this helps.
Rosy
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LucAlex: You may find some insight in reading the thread out here called "Any men here who have totalis/universalis that are actually succesful with women?"
Although it was started by a man, there are many comments from women too, and very insightful advice on how to deal with hair loss.
Going to a NAAF conference would be great for you, IMHO. Having lost all my hair at age 3, my way of dealing with this is totally different than some who lose their hair as adults. I see many who are just fine with going all naturell... Then there is me who likes to blend in with the crowd by wearing the best hair pieces I can find.
Also, meet up and attend an Alopecia support group where you live.
Your anxiety is real, but that's because you haven't yet experienced quality life with no hair. I have and guess what? I have a wonderful husband and family and had a job I loved (I just retired) It WILL get better, I promise!
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You are right, I haven't experienced a life (any life) without hair yet. It's the catastrophic-mentality that gets me, the belief that it's all down hill from here.
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Well, I'm a guy who got AA when I was 12 (in 1983). I had AU by the time I was 16. Really made me loose all confidence, even after getting a wig. I just didn't even try dating in HS. I chose a college that was 75% male (in part, figuring that there'd be a lot of guys without girlfriends, and I wouldn't be the only one). Didn't date in college, didn't try. On the flip side, I did well academically. Got a scholarship for a top MBA program, but that was very lopsided male, and again, no dating (didn't try).
I was very aware of AU and very self conscious, and just didn't think it possible that girls would find me at all appealing. To give an illustration of how low my self-confidence was, I was at some guy's birthday party, and was just chatting with this girl about my age (26 or so). We had a lot of the same interests, we had even read a lot of the same books. She went to get another drink, and then came back to keep talking to me. We gave recommendations to each other on other books to read, but at no point did it even occur to me to ask for her number. Dating was just way off my radar.
I worked hard, and made a lot of money in the dotcom boom, but hadn't ever gone out on a date and was 27 years old. I bought a nice condo and luxury car. Suddenly, when I was about 27, I found that women in their mid 30s weren't shy at all about making themselves noticed to me, and before I knew it, well, I was dating, had regular girlfriends, and that boosted my self confidence a lot. I probably could have done a lot better a lot sooner, but had basically zero self-confidence.
It all worked out for me in the end -- I got married to a (slightly younger) woman, and had a few kids. But I could very well have ended up single if certain events hadn't happened to kick me into motion dating, and while I know that certain women would not have found AU appealing, many girls are willing to overlook it, and I'm sure the same goes with men.
I would recommend a wig, though, just so that you don't stand out. I've always worn one. Good luck in your endeavors, and believe in yourself -- I didn't believe in me at all, and in retrospect, that was way too harsh...
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George
Thanks for contributing I love to hear mens take on this.
Rosy
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