Alopecia World
www.alopeciaworld.com
Looking to start dating
Hello......I joined ages ago and haven't posted much. I have AU and I deal with it by trying to think about it...thinking about it causes pandoras box to start opening and I can't deal with it..
The reason I'm here, is that I have in the final stages of divorce and have joined a dating website, I've been messaging with a few men and not sure whether any actually date will come of it....but I am terrified of how someone new will react to me being bald. on top of the fact...I carry a bit extra weight and have a mummy tummy....I don't feel like I'm going to manage to find anyone.
I have a chronically low self esteem because of the AU....I try not to let it get in the way and have built a little bubble around myself of lovely accepting people....trying to find a date is like coming out of my bubble into shark infested waters.
I think people can tell I wear a wig...although in the photo's I've put on it's hard to tell, but in person....I think it is easy to tell.....I read somewhere that date 3 is probably the time to tell...
My husband was very accepting of the AU....the only problem was domestic abuse....which I couldn't deal with and to be honest I'm wondering it was the stress of dealing with his abuse that made my hair fall out.
So I am hoping that it might start growing back, when all the divorce is sorted out, and my stress levels are dramatically reduced.
Thank you for listening and all the best to everyone...xx
Replies to This Discussion
-
Permalink Reply by Jennifer on
-
Hi Bey,
I completely relate to what your talking about. I got alopecia when I was 11 and spent the majority of my "dating years" since doing what I call the "kiss and dodge" where hands never went near my hair while making out. I'll admit it's always a hard conversation, I had 3 serious relationships where I was open about it at the beginning and thankfully met wonderful guys who saw me as beautiful with or without hair.
Only recently (3 years) my hair has grown back but it is still a conversation I need to have when I date. Alopecia becomes part of who we are, the cause of many insecurities and personality traits, both good and bad.
As long as we embrace the reality and fend off the douchbags I know that we can move forward and have great relationships with the right people.
I hope this helped :)
-
Permalink Reply by Bev Wood on
-
thank you....yes it really helps....I did a little chuckle at the kiss and dodge manoeuvre....when I'm doing it again...at least i'll be laughing.....thank you very much....it's always good to know others have been through the same....I'm really pleased to hear that your hair has grown back. I hope it will continue to flourish...xx
-
Permalink Reply by Mary Anne on
-
Hey Bev! I got divorced while my hair was falling out. I dated while it continued to fall out, too. Of course, I was VERY honest with myself when dating - I had to ask myself very early in the dating stages if this guy was "long term" material or not. If not, I usually ended it before the discussion of my hair loss even needed to be brought up. I had gained some weight, too, after the divorce, so I can relate to that as well. Then I met a really nice guy through my company. He worked in a different location, so we got to know each other over the phone for a couple months before actually meeting. That was so nice - and I think the same can be said for internet dating sites; Get to know someone over the net for a little while, then the phone, then meet. I did not meet my boyfriend until I was sure he was "long term" material. It still took a few dates before telling him about my hair loss. He was a typical guy about it - didn't really make a big deal out of it. He said he loved me, not my hair. Plain and simple. We now live together (going on our second year) and my AA has recently become more aggressive than ever. He even attended my first support group meeting with me - talk about awesome!
So I guess what I am saying is that I can understand the "shark infested waters" image. But I think it seems like that to most people getting back out in the dating scene after a divorce. Just know your self-worth and be honest when you are ready. There are some really great men and women out there who appreciate that chemistry between two people doesn't have to be just physical. Good luck :-)
-
Permalink Reply by ShinySpot on
-
Hi Bev!!
My hair fell out completely after a miscarriage, then had 2 children, found out my ex was cheating and kicked his ass out the door. Five to six months later I decided to try online dating, showing pictures of me with my head coverings and mentioning my condition in my description. I also put bald as my hair colour, haha!!!
I messaged one guy not thinking he'd reply back because when I messaged them I wasn't getting replies, but one guy did!!! He had googled my condition and we met a week after chatting and that first date lasted 4 hours of just talking in a coffee shop. We moved in together less than a month later!!! I know crazy eh??? He loves me for me!!!!! My hair even started growing back until I sold my house in 2012 and had to deal with my ex again, all fell out again and hasn't grown back since, but so happy I found someone who loves me for me. Been with him for over 2 years now :)
Good luck finding that amazing man Bev!!
© 2024 Created by Alopecia World.
Powered by
