Loving other people when you don’t love yourself

My name is Erica and I have had alopecia ever since I was a baby. I haven’t had hair anywhere basically my whole life and I am ok with it. I thought I was doing really good but now I am in a serious relationship for over a year now and I am struggling to love myself. He makes me feel like I am beautiful the way I am but I can tell me being insecure gets in the way of A LOT of things. Things that were not a problem when I was by myself. I could pick and choose when I wanted to see people or going out. Now I feel like a burden and that I’m just an insecure jealous girlfriend because I never feel good enough. To do anything. I’ve always had depression and anxiety and I can deal with that. But loving myself is the biggest thing I have ever had to overcome. I’ve also had a lot of issues with growing up with alopecia that made me hate everything and everyone in my life because I thought this was not fair. Where can I find love in all this hate?

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Permalink Reply by Carlos Alberto Sobrinho on June 13, 2019 at 2:46pm

Thanks.

Permalink Reply by Antonio Ward on March 1, 2021 at 7:45am
Thanks for the info
Permalink Reply by gavana on July 3, 2019 at 10:45am

you can’t demand from others what you don’t have

Permalink Reply by Renee on November 24, 2019 at 8:43pm

Hi Erica, 

Hope you're having a great weekend!

I can relate to you very well...I never loved myself and struggled with depression and anxiety since I was a teenager. I've had Alopecia Areata, Totalis and now Universalis. My AU started about 1 year ago.

I started wearing wigs which were ok, but as a Dental Assistant, I was really uncomfortable wearing them while I was working. I began wearing bandanas instead, was a little better. Although I felt kinda trapped, always thinking about if it's bunched up or is my ear sticking out...

I realized that I was covering my head to make sure that other people were comfortable with me, when my concern needed to be me. So a few weeks ago is when I just stopped covering my head.

I recently started a blog on Face Book called : Truth be bald. I also have so much support from my family and friends. I have to say that I'm not as hard on myself as I was, I have more confidence in myself that's for sure. I'm not saying that you should go bald also, but maybe if you follow my blog or keep in touch with me, it may change the way you think about certain things.

Good luck to you!

Have a great evening!

Renee

Permalink Reply by CET1993 on November 25, 2019 at 9:27am

I'm very sorry you feel that way. I am the same way. I look around and envy people around me because they don't have to deal with this.  It makes me upset and angry. Sometimes I wish I could go back in time to before this all started. Back when I was happy with myself and not ashamed of who I've become.  I'm always told don't let it get you down, but that's easier said than done.  That's also coming from people who don't feel like they have to make sure they look completely disguised before they leave their houses. I honestly think it's beautiful in it's own right. Especially women.  I actually envy you because , coming from a guys point of view, it takes a lot of strength to withstand this disorder. And although I've always had a tough exterior, on the inside I crumble away.  Please go on and be strong .  The right people in life won't make you feel like a burden or unappreciated.  God bless you and happy holidays. 

Permalink Reply by Nor75 on November 27, 2019 at 6:28am

Alopecia Areata is soon over. Reliable medication is on the way of being brought to the market and then you can "tick off" the AA box.

Permalink Reply by Matt on November 30, 2019 at 2:39pm

Hi Erica,

Your boyfriend is being real AF and genuine. Keep staying positive even though it seems impossible at times. Daily self affirmation and meditation on I AM presence can go a long way. I’ve seen it first hand work it’s wonders. Put it out in the universe and you’ll be surprised on what you can find. Stay beautiful Erica. Find your path and change the world.  

Permalink Reply by Willim0381 on March 18, 2020 at 2:46pm

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Permalink Reply by Demixl on June 10, 2020 at 4:44pm

Everything starts from the way you think and feel. If you don't love yourself, then people also won't love you. Start respecting and admit the fact that this is the way you are without any negative thoughts and that's it. You know even the most beautiful women have a lot of haters.

Permalink Reply by jennie hunt on January 19, 2021 at 9:24am

I'm sorry for your feelings, but one thing I would say be proud of what you have. Don't be shy and don't feel bad for yourself.

Permalink Reply by jennie hunt on January 26, 2021 at 3:13pm
  • Be proud of who you are, and not ashamed of how someone else sees you.
  • Self-love is not selfish, you cannot truly love another until you know how to love yourself

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