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Mentally preparing for the fact that I may have to shave my head someday
Hi everyone,
So I currently have 3 bald spots, 2 of which I can hide under a headband, but one of the them is on the back of my head which isn't covered by the headband. It's currently not visible because it's rather small, but it may get bigger in the future. I have been thinking a lot about having to shave my head someday (in a year? I don't know, depends on how much longer I can cover my hair loss), and it's been a bit difficult to cope with.
I've always liked how women with shaved heads/buzzcuts looked since I'm into "alternative" fashion, but the majority of them don't have bald spots. I don't have anything against shaving my head in and of itself, but I am worried about how other people will think if I go bald in public since my bald spots may be very noticeable (I have black hair so it's harder to hide I guess). I have heard of bald women being stared in public at or having mean comments said to them, and I don't know how I'm going to cope with the judgment of others.
Despite this I find more solace in the idea that I will have to shave my head in the future. I have placed too much hope that my hair will grow back and it's only ever disappointed me, so instead I am trying to change my mindset into thinking "okay, so I'm going to be bald someday.
How do I make the best of it?". As of right now I don't plan on wearing a wig if I do shave my head. I wore a wig once and it made me feel very bad about myself, like my hair loss is something to be ashamed of and hidden from the world.
Does anybody have any advice on how to cope with this? Am I caring way too much about what other people think, are people really that mean to bald women or am I blowing it out of proportion?
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Dollhead on
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I have just started shaving my head this year because I'm now wearing full lace units. Before this, I was wearing a system that was lace front, but with a points-bonding system that was attached to what hair I did have in the back. (Best way I could describe it.) I have had AA for 43 years (I was ten when I was dx'd), so I've been wearing wigs this whole time. The system I just mentioned was through a salon I had been going to for 23 years. I had to stop because at $3,500 per unit and with attachment/reattachment and upkeep, it became too cost prohibitive. So what's the point in telling you all this? I have never seen myself without ***any*** hair at all - unit or with the sparse amount of hair I did have. In order for the full lace to adhere properly, I had to shave my head.
I guess I may have come up with some type of interior dialogue of, "well, I do have ***some*** hair, even if it's not enough to go without a wig!", so it was a way to deal with AA on a sub-conscience level. So I have to say the first time I shaved my head and saw myself without any hair whatsoever AT ALL was hard and was a shock. I do know now, however, that I'm not going to be one of those to go without a wig. I look strange to myself and don't recognize the person staring back at me. So a wig it will be for the rest of my life. I may just go ahead and pick a wig for my funeral and put it with my other "when I die" stuff so I know I look halfway decent at the viewing. :)
I wear a wig because I'm not so brave as to be able to withstand the scrutiny of others. Plus acceptance is important in life, no matter how much we want to kid ourselves that it's not. It affects your job, it affects your livelihood, where you live, etc. I have other battles to fight in my life, and I don't need the added stigma of being stared at because I have no hair. If the judgement of others is going to affect the quality of your life that adversely, I would start the transitioning now by finding a wig/hair system that is comfortable for you, and shave your head now. The first time is always the hardest but like it is with most things, it eases with time. HTH!
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Permalink Reply by TiaraYouUp on
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I'm in the same position right now. About half of my hair in the back is gone so the time is closing in. Just family and very few friends know and everything I do is public related so the reality of going out either bald or in a wig is still terrifying. I see people shave their head for "empowerment" or whatever and all I can think is, "at least you have a choice". Cutting my hair before was never really an issue until the option gotten taken from me and morphed my appearance. I almost feel bad complaining about it seeing people with cancer and everything else. The only thing I'm losing is my hair but as a woman who's always had what I thought as pretty hair, it's more debilitating than I anticipated.
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Permalink Reply by Jiggybear on
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I first was diagnosed with AA in 1998. It got bad but I just wore a partial wig that clipped into my existing hair for about 6 months. I went years and years wth just spots that were easily treated. This past Sept patches started in the back and I could just tell they were going to progress. By May I was back to wearing a wig. I'm 51 now and I really don't care what others think but it took quite a while to get to that point. I wear a hat now that it's summer but the back looks really bad. My biggest fear is that people will think I look sick and think I'm getting chemo or something.
So my advice is to think of all the good things about your life and not dwell on the hair loss. I kept a gratitude journal back when it first started, that really helped. I also contstantly think of how grateful I am that I'm not sick, in pain, or in need of long term life saving measures. There are so many worst things you could have.
And in my case....my last name is Wig...seriously! That made things so much worse but now I just laugh about it. Can you imagine when I first ordered a wig and left my name? Ha ha ha ha
Good luck, this isn't always easy to deal with but there are certainly worse things out there.
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A drunk immune system, love it!! So sorry for tha awful situation you got yourself into. Jeesh, sometimes things are just hard. Hang in there.
Oh another thing I do to help with the situation is acupuncture! It helps keep me grounded and less stressed. Wish I had done it years ago! Highly recommended.
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I wish I knew! My acupuncturist just asks how I'm feeling and I tell her then she needles me up. ☺️
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I never envisioned myself shaving my head. I never envisioned myself wearing a wig. But here I am having done both, and I think it is never too soon to start thinking about options. I don't think anyone "has" to shave his or her head. For me it was a way to tidy up what was really just a small amount of sad hair, which I had already chopped short. I thought shaving my head would somehow be freeing, a reclaiming of my identity, and there did end up being a sense of strength in it, but at the time I just felt sad. I never managed to go out bald in public around people I knew casually. I stuck with family and strangers, and that was at least easier for a start. I never had any negative reactions, only people who thought I was making a fashion statement.
I let what hair wanted to grow back return to my head, though I still feel I would be more presentable with a shaved head than with what I have now. Having some hair just feels more normal and looks more normal around home. Boy have I struggled with what it means to wear a wig and what it means to be happy as I am. I often wear a scarf or cap, nowadays with a bit of thin white bang showing, and it does attract attention. People tend to assume I have cancer, and while that often results in them being extra nice, I don't like it, and I don't like that I attract that kind of attention when I am out with my husband or other relatives. Sometimes it is nice just to put on a wig and have no one notice. On the other hand, being told that I "should" wear a wig and that it is just part of looking put together as anyone should want to do, hurts and angers me. I'm not a freak who should be ashamed of how I look. In the big picture, I can't imagine any one else has the time or energy to care about what is or isn't on my head or your head.
I think you should consider that you have and will have a variety of options. I wear a wig sometimes, a scarf or hat some times, and my plain old crazy hair much of the time. If you do shave, be prepared to have a cold head. Between keeping warm or keeping the sun off (Sunscreen all over my head? No thanks), even when I had shaved, I wasn't actually bare that often.
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Permalink Reply by Franchesca Bass on
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Hi femmejuice! Your thoughts are completely normal and to start off I have to say hair is just an accessory. If you decide to wear a wig once you are bald you should not feel ashamed! If you feel most comfortable and confident in your wig, then that is what is beautiful.. not the hair itself. Hair is like makeup.. we wear makeup because it s fun and makes us feel confident.. not because we are ashamed of who we are. But if you choose to go bald that is just as beautiful. I can speak from experience...I went bald for 15 years and only recently decided to wear a wig to change it up. From a young child through adulthood I was bald and of course you will have some people stare or say something but that is only because they are not used to different.I realized I am different (which is so amazing) and people will stare and ask stupid questions but that is okay because no one is perfect and they are human. But I had so many more people tell me how beautiful I was and an inspiration that is kept me going. I learned to love my look and I can honestly say i never felt different than anyone else. I didn't act like I was different than my friends, family, or coworkers so they didn't treat me differently. It is all about your mind set. Think that you are beautiful, confident, and just like the rest of society and that is how you will be treated! I hope this helps and I wish you the best!
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