Alopecia World
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Most likely the most unpopular post of all time ;)
I have read many posts on this forum. And I get angry and bitter when I read the
posts about acceptance and learning to cope! I will never NEVER accept this
hideous disfigurement! I look in the mirror and see a repugnant freak!
A carnival side show monstrosity:/ I have tried to commit suicide because I am
in so much torment over this sickness! I am not strong enough to do that but I
will never have peace or a happy moment in my life again! I just have to wait
and pray that I don't live a long life! Is there anyone out there that feels as
I do? Am I alone? Please help me before it's too late! Thanks Alopecia World:)
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Jason on
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Sara - I'm sorry to hear about what you're going through. It is not easy at all and you have a right to feel sad, angry, confused and all of the above. It's all totally normal and you're not alone by any means. I commend you for not accepting alopecia, it is not something I accept myself. I would recommend that you try to align your actions to your intentions. It is possible to grow your hair back as many people have done it before. It is important to try and find the underlying cause of the disease, the best way to go is clean up your diet and try to clear stress as much as you can. NOT easy, I understand. But the stress that you're feeling with your hair is only attributing to the attack on your hair follicle. With AI diseases, the mind and body are very closely aligned. Be gentle with yourself and be confident that you will get through this time in your life. Believe that everything will be OK and you will use this experience as a learning experience to get healthier, live a less stressful life, and move forward through adversity. You can do it and you're not alone, I promise. It is hard to move forward when you don't feel good about yourself or you don't recognize yourself in the mirror. But exacerbate the problem by wishing yourself to live a short life. I sympathize with what you're going through and I really believe that you will get through it. Take 1 day at a time and try to make small steps of progress. I don't have all the answers but I hope this helps you think about things in a new way. Best of luck with everything and hang in there. I wish you a safe and healthy holiday and a great 2014. Take care of yourself and know that you always have people to talk with on here whenever you want.
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I choose to accept it in the sense I still deserve to live life despite this particular " bump in the road". I don't have to like it but I think you can choose to be happy or you can choose to be miserable. It is a choice. It is all up to you. Attitude is a choice you make for yourself and is not contingent on anyone else. This is not to say I don't feel despair, sadness and anger as a result of AA, but my goal is to not make it the center of my life. It is not the only thing I am all about. I am a mom, a friend, a wife, an educator...I mean something in this world and I can make a difference in my small circle by living my life to the fullest. Sara, you do matter, you have your own special talents to share with the world...you deserve to live a full life with and/ or without hair. You deserve to feel happiness. Seek it out, grow to love yourself by looking within, and look to those around you who can support you on Your journey of self acceptance. Friends, family, a professional counsellor, church, whenever and whoever that is for you.
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Permalink Reply by Electrox_Kicks on
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I am also struggling in the context of my social life; I have essential isolated myself. I am also at university and have a constant battle with social anxiety because of my severe alopecia areata. I imagine you have similar struggles? For me, although it took me some time to successfully put this into practice, with the occasion mishap, I have started to adopt a new mode of cognition: the little steps I am making in the present will result in greater changes prospectively; the biggest change for me will the confidence I know I will eventually have again! I am enjoying discovering new, healthier habits and working towards my ultimate goal. Suddenly, for me, it's not about being unwell, it's about being and getting healthier. I hope these words help or mean something to you!
Moreover, you are never alone! <3
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Permalink Reply by michelle on
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Hi Sara,
I am so sorry you are in so much pain. I am glad that you took the risk in opening up on this site. You are not alone. I also hope that you are receiving some kind of emotional support. Wanting to end your life is a serious state to be in.
Acceptance is a different state then 'liking' this disease. I dislike with a passion having Alopecia Universalis. Almost 3 years ago I had full head of long dark wavy hair, dark eyebrows and long dark eyelashes. Now at the age of 51 I don't have a single hair anywhere on my body. It has been quite the journey. I grieved the loss of my hair. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't miss my hair. There isn't anything I like about this disease. There isn't a 'silver lining'...if there is I haven't found it. What AU did and still does is test my strength. I like to think there is more to me then hair. I am a compassionate person who is grateful for what I have. Acceptance for me is choosing to live.
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Omg i feel exactly how u feel! People say accept it and get on with ur life. Its so hard too! Lost all my confidence and self belief coz of this stupid disease. I rather have ugly feet or freckles or even marks on my legs.
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I don't think you are alone with your pain, everyone has and does deal with similar negative feelings when faced with this condition..most do find a way to live life again and I hope that you will find that as well.
If this is just too hard, please seek professional support.
Rosy
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Sounds like you have so much pain and fear. I hope that this web site will help you. I have had alopecia for 1 year now and understand how you feel. Alopecia world ansewered so many of my questions and showed me that I wasn't alone and my feelings were normal. Try to be good to yourself cause this is not your fault and your are still the same person. I hope you will start to feel better and find happiness again.
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Permalink Reply by BTB (John) on
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It's a horrible disease that destroys lives, I agree with very sentiment in your post!
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Thank you all for your kind support! It has been a devastating two years since the on set of this disease..I do have a psychiatrist and therapist that I am working with....I hope I didn't offend anyone with what I said...I've always struggled with depression and anxiety disorder so naturally this has exacerbated my condition:/ Thank you for not judging me:) I said I feel like a "monster" but there are no monstrosities here, only beautiful kind people! Again....thank you all..it means the world and has helped me step back from the abyss!
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I am so thankful that you are doing better. On alopecia world there is always someone who understands and cares and it really makes things easier.
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Hi Sara,
I am relieved to hear you are getting help. Take it one day at a time. Take good care:)
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How long you've been dealing with Alopecia? I'm so sorry what you are going through and I can't say I understand how you feel because I don't have alopecia but my almost 5-year-old girl has it and you could imagine how she feels when she looks at herself in a mirror. I hate this is happening to her. Everyday, I wish it's happening to me NOT MY LITTLE GIRL. I'm adult so somehow I can deal with people who ask me or whatever but you know what would kids say to her when they see her bald head? I can't be there to defend her or protect her. She has to be strong and only my husband and I could do to her is we love her no matter what and she is beautiful. I really hate that she has to go through that kind of stuff. I know she is not dying but still it hurts every time I see her. Why her? Why why why? I don't know how old you are Sara,but remember you are not the only one and there are so many children go through this,too. I'm trying to find girls with her age with alopecia so she won't have to feel alone so maybe you want to meet people with alopecia and talk. Don't give up,please!
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