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My boyfriend gets mad at me for being sad
I have been trying very hard to stay positive and think about the positive things in my life, but every now and then, I get sad about it and really start to miss having hair.
My boyfriend of 6 years has always been very supportive and loving through my hairloss. I guess the second time he/I thought it would be easier, but It's tough dealing with those same issues a second time around, even if I'm more prepared this time.
As I said, I'm usually pretty chipper and don't let it affect me, but I have a really tough time waking up in the morning to go to work. I've never really been a morning person, and I normally struggle with having to go to work whether or not I have hair. When I say something negative or get sad when I'm getting ready for work and trying on hats, my boyfriend gets mad at me and says
"you are never going to be happy" or "can't you just be happy?".
And It really isn't a nice thing to hear when your already down and depressed. I know that I'm not always sad and that I won't always be sad, but in the moment, sometimes it feels like there won't be an end to it, and it makes it that much harder to pull myself out of the hole.
Anyway, it always puts me into super defensive mode and then we end up not speaking for a few hours.
I know he just wants me to be happy and I do too, but sometimes I can't help it.
Does anyone have insight or advice on how to deal with this situation or even tips to keeping a positive self-image/ starting the morning positive?
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Rose Marie' on
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Hi
Hugs for you!! This is never an easy situation and just because you have lost your hair once doesn't mean it is easier the next time...in my experience it is actually harder. You need to give yourself time to grieve and actually be annoyed, that is so normal. It would be nice if we could all be happy when life throws us a curve ball, but the reality is, well it just isn't that easy.I fully understand that you will get happy again and you will become proactive around what you want to do to deal with your hairloss (Proactivity really helps). Working out what is upsetting you and coming up with solutions is empowering...you just may not be quite there yet.
Your boyfriend may not be fully understanding the gravity of your feelings. It may help to sit down and actually face them with him.
As for mornings - go to bed on time and do your best to face the day with some things that you want to improve on.
Your doing ok...just keep working through the feelings and finding answers for yourself.
Rosy
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I totally understand the morning thing!! I dread getting up everyday bc I have to draw my face on etc. But there are many days I think "hmmm...it's kind of nice having your hair ready!" It is hard tho, I know. I've battled with aa and most recently have lost everything. Talk about staying in bed! Anyway, Im thankful I look pretty once my face is finally on :) lol
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Thanks for your responses! It helps to hear from people going through the same stuff.
I think your right, Rosy. It is harder the second time. Unfortunately most of the ways I was proactive last time involved buying something. This time around I have most of the stuff I need (good hats and wigs and all the stuff that comes with that), though I can always seem to find something wrong with them :( but I have decided to sketch whenever i'm upset and have some time and that has really helped me to get back to a good frame of mind. Going to bed on time is something I will have to work on too!
My boyfriend is always telling me that it's just hair and to stop caring so much about how I look all the time. Though, sometimes I think it is important to have some pride in looking pretty. I think I do need to be less critical of how I look and not worry about people noticing if I'm wearing a wig.
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Permalink Reply by Alliegator on
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You are not alone. It sounds like your boyfriend wants you to be happy, but we can't all be happy 100% of the time. We are all bound to be sad at points in our lives. Alopecia is a difficult thing to experience. I have AGA so I can't imagine what it is like to have all your hair back, and then later down the road it falls out again. That must be so very difficult. If the morning is the worst, than try to get ready quickly. Throw on stuff and go. Don't spend a lot of time in the bathroom. For me, it helped when I buzzed my hair. I now shave it, and I never think about my hair anymore. Try to find something that will make you feel happy or take your mind off of it.
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Permalink Reply by Denise on
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hi sorry your going thru it again. but be patient with boyfriend he is feeling for you and sometimes guys just say it the wrong way when in reality they really care. He sounds like he is a keeper, I would just tell him you need to grieve it and work thru it. Dont not speak to him when you feel defensive , just smile and say I am doing the best I can with it right now, give me time and go do something else.......
sending strong supportive vibes your way
Denise :)
I have only lost mine once as mine barely ever grows to more than a few shadows n falls out especially when I am stressed.... so I can only send you a hug......... :)
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