Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Rose Marie' on February 27, 2013 at 6:52pm

Hi

I don't feel you have to say anything until you meet this man and actually get to know him. I know that meeting online is a very normal thing to do, but it does not replace face to face communication.

I would suggest you wait until you have met with him and know him before you decide what to do.
(Please make sure you meet him in a public place!)

If after you have known him for a while you think a relationship with him is something you may want to pursue then I would begin to start working out how you may like to tell him that you have hairloss. Wearing a wig....should not be the topic of conversation (that is just a choice you make). Hairloss that is the issue.

I hope all goes well and you find you have met a lovely person to spend some time with.

Rosy

• ▶ Reply

Permalink Reply by Tallgirl on February 28, 2013 at 10:41am

If you didn't meet him on an alopecia site, then he probably doesn't know. Guys say all kinds of things, and if he hasn't met you yet in person, he isn't basing long future talk on reality, just words, posed photos and emotions. I have had people call me sexy, but make no moves to get closer to me or a future...in fact, over time I came to hear from them less and hear or read about their other women more. You owe it to that "future" to see if he still finds you sexy (a) knowing about, seeing and touching your hair loss and (b) doing the same and expressing the same emotions over several years. This is possibly a forever condition, so dating must include time to let a partner live with it and realize the permanence or unpredictability of hair loss in a potential spouse. My ex couldn't accept it, and left after 15 years of marriage and children (I had hair when we married). It is better to know how a man really feels about hair (and what makes for "sexiness") before kids are involved.

• ▶ Reply

Permalink Reply by Sandra on March 5, 2013 at 12:42am

I know how you feel. I met a guy online and we talked for months. I wanted to be honest with him so I told him about my alopecia. On the phone, he was cool with it. He seemed so understanding and so we proceeded to meet. We had hit it off and started dating. Eventually things turned sexual and I wanted to remove the wig so that it didn't just come off. Afterward, he left and I didn't hear from him. He eventually texted me back and said that I reminded him of his ex mother-in-law who was dying of cancer. Not exactly the kind of thing a girl wants to hear. I think hearing about the alopecia and actually seeing it can be very different things. I would say to you that right now it is none of his business and you have every right to choose when you feel comfortable to tell him. If you see a potential future with this guy then you will have to tell him because he will find out eventually but be prepared that he might not be able to handle it. Hopefully, he will like you enough to see past the hair loss and see the rest of who you are. I wish you all the best with this guy and hope he is smart.

• ▶ Reply

Permalink Reply by Jen Barry on March 21, 2013 at 9:44pm

So...what did you end up doing?
As somebody with AA and have met several guys via internet dating...I wouldn't even think of telling somebody at that point...it's waay too soon.

• ▶ Reply

Permalink Reply by 3ps on March 25, 2013 at 11:07am

I ended up going and i didn't tell him but was really uncomfortable when he went to kiss me and reach for my hair or getting hair out my face. I made questions up as he went in for a kiss and saw his hand reach for my head, like oh what's that etc lol. Weekend was good though and we have been keeping in touch everyday since and he said it was the best weekend. I'm going back to see him in a week. I should really tell him but am really embarrassed and the way i acted im sure he must have a clue as a couple of times i sure he must of brushed his hands against the ear tabs. Otherwise we got on great

• ▶ Reply

Permalink Reply by curlysue on April 14, 2013 at 3:51pm

I don't know what others think but my opinion is to wait until you meet and there is more of an emotioal connection, if there is to be one at all. That is what I do just because I don't think its there business to know until I feel comfortable telling them. I have been with 2 men that don't mind when I just pop the wig after telling them. They look a little shocked but don't care in the end because they like you and not the fact that you have little or no hair. If they do care they are basically very shallow individuals who are likely someone you don't want to be with to begin with.

• ▶ Reply

Permalink Reply by KimH1266 on May 1, 2013 at 4:05pm

Thank you for being so open with this discussion. I, too, am newly divorced after being separated for several years. Until recently (the last 6 months) I haven't really felt like I wanted to date. I've talked to a few people, gone on a few dates getting my feet back in the water, so to speak. 2 men cut off communication with me after I told them of my Alopecia, each stating that they couldn't "deal" with a woman who was bald and most likely never going to have hair again. Yes, it hurt. But I also came to realize quickly these were not people that I need to have in my life because they obviously are very superficial, and don't plan on taking the time to get to know ME. That being said, I'm not sure the whole on-line dating scene is for me. However, if I do go this route with on-line dating, it has been suggested that I post pictures of my "true self" where I clearly am posed with my bald head, sans wig. I see the point, but I don't know how I feel about it. I keep thinking, why should I have to expose myself to potential public reticule when people with hair aren't necessarily expected to expose their "bad points" in this way? I would love to know thoughts on this? Am I taking this suggestion in the wrong way?

• ▶ Reply

Permalink Reply by Bev on June 6, 2013 at 3:10pm

I don't think that's fair to you. Just like you said those men don't come right out and tell you they hot tempers or are jealous maniacs and that's just fine and fair game. I think if you meet someone that you really like and the feeling is mutual then you can go into more intimate details about yourself. The whole world doesn't need to know all about your business. At the end of the day if you are with a really nice man, a good person, he won't care at all, and you can continue to feel comfortable with the rest of the world. After all it's you. Your comfort matters. Not anybody elses. Hope this helps. I wear wigs and love them and my hubby say's I married you, not your hair. So you know, there are good men out there.

• ▶ Reply

Permalink Reply by 3ps on July 19, 2013 at 3:10pm

Ok so update, finally told him and said i couldn't carry on keeping it from him as I feel bad. We have the whole summer planned together so didn't feel right keeping it from him. I told him through a Facebook message as that's how we normally keep in touch. Anyway I said how I was bald and wear an hair piece and will leave him to digest it, He replied I love you for who you are and I said I didn't expect him to make a decision straight away. He replied theirs no decision to make he loves me simple as that. So all that worrying and stressing throughout the months I can finally stop it and be happy and be myself!

• ▶ Reply