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Permalink Reply by AngelGirl on February 23, 2012 at 2:26pm

I can totally relate. I have had fine hair my entire life. And maybe it has been gradually thinning for a while now. But I had an OMG moment last August that sent me into a complete freak-out. I am still trying things - Rogaine - just started Spiro and Yasmin. And I have my wig all ready and sitting in my closet - just in case. But, for right now, I do a lot of the pulling my hair back and sprinkling on the Toppik. It works for now. I did buy a topper last fall. It was great - a perfect match. But after one day - of wearing it too long - I had a sore head and got worried about the clips pulling my thin hair on top and haven't worn it since.

I told people pretty early on - family and close friends. They were all super supportive. A couple of my female relatives even pointed out their thinning spots. So, if you start by sharing with your closest loved ones - the ones you trust the most - it gets easier. And I've found it a huge relief to have it out there with people I can be comfortable with. I even have one friend who is more anxious for me to where my wig than I am. LOL

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Permalink Reply by asdf234 on March 6, 2012 at 10:40am

I am new to this too. I have alopecia areata, but it was progressing so fast, I was certain it would be alopecia totalis in another month. I have to wear hats or wigs to cover it. I was in a black pit of wallowing despair last weekend. I cried and cried. Last week my house was a wreck because I could barely go through the motions. I figured out some things that really helped me:

1. Joking to myself about it makes me feel better. Anything you can laugh at is less scary. This doesn't mean I am ready for others to laugh about it, but to myself, it helps to have an obnoxious joke in my head to keep a smile on my face. I joke that I gave up hair for Lent. I know, blasphemous, but it helped.

2. You love your baby, right? It doesn't matter what a baby looks like- it's wonderful because it's a new life. Especially at birth- babies are not the most beautiful things- but they are because we know the tremendous potential for joy and happiness they could bring the world. I was bald and wrinkled when I came into this world. I was a gift then, and I still am. I have such a potential to do good in the world. That is my true beauty. Hair is just icing.

3. Look at the pictures of bald people on this sight. Their eyes are luminous. It's like you can see right into their souls. They are graceful and gorgeous. It's not hair that makes us beautiful. For some people, hair actually detracts from seeing how gorgeous they are. I am not saying I am one of those people. I have a double chin and wrinkles (I'm mid 40's). But the potential is there- hair is not necessary to be beautiful.

4. I have young children. They need me to be okay with this. I am setting an example and I have stuff I gotta do. One thing is to set an example for them. If I lose what is good about myself in my despair over losing my hair- that is the real devastation of this disease. I can't believe my husband doesn't care if I have awful hair- but he doesn't. He is still attracted to me. Lack of hair won't destroy my marriage, but allowing myself to become a basket case permanently will. So- I have to pull it together.

5. This is not something you need to keep secret. It is no shame to have this. It's not like you committed a crime. You have done nothing wrong. I was so stressed and burdened by the thought of people finding out that I was wearing wigs! Once I let that go- that people may find out, it was like a huge boulder was lifted off my back. Some people will know I am wearing a wig. It's okay. I don't have to be perfect. My friends and family love me and really just want to know I am not dying. People who deliberately want to embarrass me about my hair are jerks and the world will punish them without my help. I don't have time for small minded people. There are oafs out there that just don't know how to be tactful. I just tell them it's an autoimmune disease that does nothing more than make me lose my hair. I am okay. I am healthy. I just don't have hair. It may grow back, it may not. There is no predicting. I tell them there is no known cure and that what I need from them is to just go on with life and act like nothing has changed.

When you know someone is deliberately trying to embarrass you by asking if you are wearing a wig- smile innocently and force them to reveal their motives. They usually are too cowardly to continue on when you respond "Why do you ask?" (I got that idea from reading this site- love the people on this site!). Answer their questions with questions. They hate that. Suggest their hair problems could be solved with a good piece. Forcing others to reveal their bad intentions is a good way to stop all passive/aggressive behaviors.

On an encouraging note: My mother has hair now. She lost all her hair after having me. It grew back a few months later. It's not luxurious, but it's thick enough to be serviceable. This happens a lot after women have babies. Focus on eating right and taking care of yourself, maybe check for food allergies. Try to relax. It often grows back in a few months. I have read on these forums that onion juice increases blood flow to the scalp. So I juice an onion every other day and store it in a bottle in the fridge. I rub my scalp with it in the mornings after my husband leaves for work. I let it sit for a couple hours and then take a shower. I have hair regrowth in one bald patch. Maybe it's working- hey- it's practically free, safe, and really easy- so it can't hurt. It only smells a few inches from my head. Nobody is sniffing my head around here. If you don't have a juicer, put it in a blender and run it through a strainer.

My hair loss is an autoimmune disorder. I realize I have had it for a while now- I had a few bald patches that regrew as a child. I am probably peri-menopausal (mid-40's)- so I think the hormone changes are interacting with my inherent predisposition. I also suspect I've been gluten intolerant, so I just cut out gluten. People who have alopecia areata are at increased risk of also being gluten intolerant. I am also part Irish, and Irish people have an increased risk of having gluten intolerance. My youngest has had bald patches that regrew, so I will be checking to see if she has a gluten intolerance too.

I finally got a wig I feel comfortable in. I don't have a wig shop nearby, so I've been trying to order wigs on line. I am still hoping this is temporary, so I don't want to invest in a human hair wig yet. The one I like is a Noriko Jana. It needs it's bangs trimmed, but it's light and comfortable, soft and believable- and it's only about $100 or less. I picked it up on clearance for $50. It's not monofilament- but unless you are a few inches from my head, you aren't gonna notice that. The rooted colors help to obscure the lack of monofilament. I always thought I needed medium length hair to look good- but it turns out I look pretty cute in short hair too. I like shorter wigs because I find the synthetic annoying when it touches my neck. I got a Jon Renau Alia- it was so uncomfortably itchy and thick. I wore it out but felt like I was the crazy wig lady the whole time. I ordered a Raquel Welch heat resistant, but the hair was stiff and crunchy to me. I love this Noriko. It looks like my old hair. It looks less like a wig on me than the more expensive wigs I ordered. The same maker also makes Amore, and Rene of Paris. I heard most wigs need to be thinned and trimmed to your face by an experienced stylist to appear less wiggy. I still need to do that. Turns out my hair dresser has taken care of wigs before. I am not looking forward to having her cut off the last of my hair. I am pretty sure that's gonna be a cry fest.

At that price, I can get a couple and rotate them through. As I said- if people find out I am wearing a wig- I need to be okay with that. I just want to look great from a few feet away. And frankly, before I lost my hair, it was nothing to write home about. In a good wig, I look 10 years younger. I really hope all this blathering helps. It's not that I don't know how painful this is- I do.

Cindy

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Permalink Reply by A.A. on March 8, 2012 at 2:41am

Thank you, AngelGirl and Cindy for sharing your experiences.

Cindy - good points. I'm glad you found a wig you like. I still feel a bit funny about wigs. I'm scared they'll fall off! Did you tell acquaintances or work colleagues you were wearing a wig? The problem I have is that wigs are so much fuller than my own hair, even before the loss. I'm sure once I have fully accepted this and have found a wig I like, I'll probably find it more low maintenance than real hair and hopefully fun to change up looks. Btw, do you wear your wig over your own hair? Does it stay put well with hair underneathe?

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Permalink Reply by asdf234 on March 8, 2012 at 8:44am

I watched a video from Godiva's Secret Wigs that showed how to attach wig clips inside the wig on the ear tabs. I sewed one inside on the back too because my wigs ride up on my big melon head. These may cause new bald spots later, but I'll deal with that later. It definitely stays put. If I shave my head, I could use double sided wig tape, but I haven't found where to get that yet and can't use it until I shave my head.

I love that Godiva website because it has these happy women having fun with wigs. You get to see the color highlight arrangements on the wigs, and what the real wigs actually look like moving. Also, there are people who do this for fun? What's that? It helped me cheer up. These are repackaged Noriko, Rene of Paris and Amore wigs. They seem to charge about $50 extra for these wigs. Looks like "Freedom" is a Noriko "Sky", for example.

This line (Noriko, ROP, Amore)come already pre-thinned. They look pretty natural right out of the box. I did have to trim and thin my Jana bangs a bit because I wanted them wispier. Cut the bangs a little too long and it'll look like you need to get a haircut- adding to the illusion. I trimmed my bangs slowly, nipping them out of my eyes a little at a time with the scissors held at a 45 degree angle to the tip of the hair I was cutting. To thin, I bought the finest toothed thinning shears I could find at Sally's beauty supply. They were $9 on sale. I did trim my Jon Renau Alia thinner, and it wasn't that hard. I think I only made about 5 thinning cuts on that wig and it looked better. Most brands of wigs need to be thinned about 20%. There are how-to videos on youtube for trimming, thinning wigs. You can't dramatically change the style of a wig, but you can alter it to fit your face better. Practice on a cheap wig that you don't want. Clip out hair under the top layer right at the scalp of the wig. Be very conservative- because you can't fix mistakes. Stop frequently and put the wig on to see if you need to trim out more.
I even found videos showing how to adjust an average wig cap to be a little larger or smaller. Apparently, I am on the large end of average and they are head vices on me. Two little nips in the right place and suddenly, they fit. :)

The Godiva's videos are a bit misleading because they toss on the wigs and finger comb them. They don't stay that fluffy after hours of wear, they tend to settle down. If you can find a good wig hair spray that actually holds- let me know. The reason I don't like the Alia is I can't keep it out of my face. And the fibers are not as soft as the Noriko. My Revlon wig hairspray holds for like 5 minutes.

My Jana wig is a Noriko in marble brown. I do feel like I look a bit Bon Jovi-ish in it, but it looks better than any other wig I tried. I am just not used to seeing myself in fabulous hair. I stayed with my old hair color and made the wig a little shorter than my old haircut. I may have the guts to branch out to other hair colors and styles later, but for now, I just really need to get my old self back. Last night when I went to church (I was dreading it- I REALLY SO want to be a hermit)- people raved that they loved my haircut- that I looked so much younger! I just said thank you. I did tell one lady, but I think it made her feel sad and uncomfortable. So, I guess unless they ask straight out- just happily tell them you felt like you needed a fresh look. They can fill in the blanks if they want, or just go on with their lives, happy that you look beautiful. I think most people are so involved with their own lives and problems, they don't want to focus on us as much as we think. If you look good, are happy and confident, they don't care if you are wearing a wig. I don't think it occurs to most people that someone would wear a wig, especially if it looks realistic. They may think you just found a great hairdresser.

I am basing this advice on all of two public experiences. I find it easy to wear my wig places I don't know people. I dread wearing one in front of people who know me. I put on a perky face and try to act natural. Hopefully, it will get easier. Many women of color wear wigs all the time. It's normal part of their hair culture. My husband works with a woman who wears wigs all the time. He knows on a theoretical level they are wigs because her hair changes so drastically every week. He doesn't think less of her- mostly he is impressed at how great they look on her. I hope to get to that point- because I think I might look pretty good as a dark blond :).

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Permalink Reply by asdf234 on March 9, 2012 at 8:48am

PS It sounds like each time you add mousse or hairspray it adds build up and means you need to wash the wig more often. Washing the wigs dulls them faster. Wearing wig caps helps absorb the oils so you don't need to wash them as frequently. It is important to use wig products because they don't dry out the wig as fast. Just what I found on my web searches- if others know differently, please let me know.

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Permalink Reply by A.A. on March 14, 2012 at 2:22am

Thank you for all of your tips. Will look for Godiva's secret wigs videos. Do you still try to let your hair grow under the wig? Does wearing wigs prohibit growthZ. I'm not sure how much hair will grow back for me. Only time will tell.

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