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Not sure what to do for my daughter
Hi there- I really appreciate the advice this board gives and I have already learned alot reading some older posts. My daughter is 7 and is very very close to losing all of her hair. She has a few strands in the back. In the past couple of months she has not wanted to go out alot to places where she doesn't know people (basically anywhere besides school and camp). I got her a hat with hair that she has worn in the house a few times but not yet out of the house. Then last weekend she asked if she could swim in the hat and I said no and explained that I could get her the vacuum type wig. She said she wanted that. Since then when I bring it up she gets upset and says now she doesn't want it. Should I just follow her lead or is she too young to really know what to ask for. I don't care if she wears a wig or not- she looks beautiful either way- but I just want her to feel comfortable. And I want to show her that she has options. I just don't know what to do - I could have someone come to my house to show her things but I feel like I will be doing that and I am not sure if she will want it or not. Any advice would be very much appreciated. Thank you!!
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Rose Marie' on
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Hi
This type of decision is very challenging for you , your family and your daughter. Many people have many different opinions on this and I'm sure you will get some helpful input here.
Your daughter is little - this doesn't mean that she doesn't have an opinion, but I would suggest her life knowledge may be less than your own. She may be making decisions on very short term problems with regards to her life and alopecia. This would not be unusual for a seven year old. Just like you wouldn't leave her to make decisions that are beyond her years in other areas of her life, I would also be working very hard to guide her in this area as well. You are the parent and ultimately no matter what you do the buck ends with you.
My daughter was a little older than your daughter when alopecia was diagnosed. I have continued to talk to her about her needs (rather than whether she needs a hairpiece or not). I did all the investigating for my daughter as she was a little young to be able to read through the information out there. This is a job you can do, and I would suggest you will do it well. Then you can go on and explain what you feel would work for her while listening to her needs. I don't think it is a good option to force a child with alopecia to wear a hairpiece but I also don't think it is a good thing to not give the options that are available to you and her if this is her want. In my opinion what she needs from you is guidance and education about the consequences of the decisions you will be making together. The truth is no matter whether she wears a hairpiece or decides not to, ultimately alopecia has to be dealt with. Wearing a hairpiece does not stop the consequences of alopecia in her life or yours. There are consequences that have to be discussed and understood by your daughter for either decision - hair or no hair. Try not to worry, in my experience, even though challenging I found that communication and love win the day. My daughter is well adjusted with her alopecia and does choose to wear a hairpiece. (she is now 19 years old).
I absolutely agree with you about your daughter being beautiful with hair or without - this is just a given for our lovely daughters. She needs your help with this decision though - so do your thing mum.
Hope this helps a little. If I can help further just drop me into my page and leave me a message.
Rosy
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OMG!!! The diet will not do anything. Well, it will deprive you of much needed vitamins and minerals and your skin may suffer even more damage. My son age 7 has AU since age 6 months AND also suffers from severe food allergies (anaphylaxis to dairly and eggs) and is moderately allergic to Wheat, Oat, Barley, Soy, Peanuts, Tree Nuts, and Shellfish. He has strictly avoided the milk and eggs since age 1 when he was diagnosed with milk and egg allergy, then he began to avoid all the others, Never had nuts or shellfish though (EVER). He didn't grow hair because of the lack of those foods in his diet, so please don't torture your body. I have a friend who is 41 with AU and got it at age 10. We were just discussing her very good looking wig. No one in the support group new she had AU because it looks that good and she tatoos her eyebrows. She was explaining that she can go swimming and rides in her convertible with the top down and the wind in her hair and she even had it up in a pony tail the other day. We all thought she was a mom with a child with Alopecia. That's how good her hair looks. She says nothing stops her. If you'd like the info I will get it from her.
Let your daughter lead your decisions is what my friend Gita said in the support group meeting the other day. It's best to let them have some control, since they can't control whether the hair grows or falls out.
Best of Luck, hope I helped.
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Permalink Reply by Tallgirl on
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Oh, let her wear a cloth hat without the hair attached for swimming, if she wants it! I think the flowered bathing caps are also still available online, if one wants to go retro!
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Permalink Reply by Dielle on
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I was exactly the same way when I first lost my hair. The first time I went wig shopping with my mum I was in such a bad mood the minute that we entered the store that I refused to listen to what my mum and the lady were saying and I ended up buying a wig that while I liked it at the time I would never get again. For me it is always really rough buying or talking about a new wig because it brings up all of the negative thoughts and emotions that I have ever felt and it might be the same thing for her but I can't say whether it is or not since I'm not there. Its rough for any of us so I would try to keep it as positive as possible. The best thing you can do though is to get her to talk about it even if she resists or gets upset because its hard to talk about it but getting it out really helps. One night when I was in 9th grade my mum had been trying to get me to talk about everything and I ended up just sobbing for hours in my mum and dads arms and it made me feel a lot better because I had been holding it all in. If she is getting upset when you bring up wigs my guess would be that she is doing the same thing that I did which is to lock up all the feelings and refuse to talk about it and get angry and upset enough to get my mum to stop talking to me about it. I wouldn't arrange the meeting until she is ready for it because that could end badly and make the situation worse the next time. Its a good idea to let her know that she has options and that you support her in whatever decision she makes but even though she is young her emotions about the situation will let her know what is right. There was a time when I wore a wig to school and a bandana to soccer with people from my school and I didn't even realize that I was wearing both around the same people so it didn't bother me. I wore a baseball cap through middle school and switched to a wig for high school, it really is all about the timing and the part of the emotional rollercoaster you are on and what feels right at that moment. If you need to talk I'm here.
Dielle
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