Alopecia World
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Personal question - Please don't flame
Is there a proper way for a man who likes the way bald women look to approach a woman with alopecia without being a freak or a monster?
I know that many women with alopecia find someone like me to be an awful person. I know that alopecia is an awful experience for many if not most people who have it and I would never want to exploit someone’s suffering.
I know that many women with alopecia find someone like me to be an awful person. I know that alopecia is an awful experience for many if not most people who have it and I would never want to exploit someone’s suffering.
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Ted Michael Morgan on
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When I first registered here, several women asked me why. I did not know much about personally alopecia, though I had read about it from long ago.
I found this a great self-help group. There is great information here as well as expression of feelings. I just fine the bald look good. I am not lurking. I have not tried to contact women here. I do look for photographs.
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Actaully, I rarely do. They are part of the site.
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find not fine
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Permalink Reply by Hilary on
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Where the hell are guys that like bald women? i don't know any. its a hard subject for me as a bald teenage girl because thats all guys think of me as bald so its really nice to know there are guys that find bald women attractive too. it really hurts when people say to me "you are beautiful because you are not embarrassed to show who you really are" which is really saying "you are ugly but i admire you for being yourself". so yeah don't say that to a bald woman.
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Nope, won't do that! Thanks.
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Why? I do not get where you are going?
I was married to a beautiful woman for over two decades. People thought that the women with whom I was with before my marriage were very attractive.
I date women you are beautiful, though I rarely date now. I am quite old.
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Permalink Reply by Tallgirl on
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Maybe we are just wondering why you think others would consider you an "awful person" or would be "flamed." Those words came from you...so, are you speaking from some experience? Or self-assessment?
It sounds like you have surrounded yourself with beautiful women, by your own estimation of beauty. We don't know how you really feel about women who have lost this body part, hair. Watch out for words that would raise curiosity, like "freak, monster, awful and suffering." Women here are not only dealing with a shock, but many are trying to find their place in the world as women with this new loss of a female "marker," and are seeking any kind of gentle words. Without being pitied, that is...nor preyed upon because one sees us as needy due to not measuring up to some man's physical standards. If we are to be "saved," it is probably by developing real friendship and caring relationships, over time.
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Yes, you say this well. I do not have strong feelings about alopecia because I am barely aware of it. Each of us needs community, caring words and deeds, affection without pity, and respect.
All I can say is that my wife was beautiful to me as were the women with whom I had affaires before my marriage. Love maps are personal. I think all of us, perhaps, have them in some form. It is like people who read scripture. Whether they know it or not, they have a hermeneutic. The same goes for politics. Everyone who has a political opinion has an ideology of some sort. All scientists have some kind of theory.
Even thought alopecia is common, most of us do not see it. When I first joined this group, several women asked me why I am here. About four specifically questioned why a man without alopecia and not in a relationship with someone who has it would be here. I think that I have seen one woman who might have had alopecia at a local music festival about ten years ago. I did work with a woman who had possible alopecia—very thin hair. Beyond that, I am not aware. Wigs work well. They probably are much better than many people think that they are.
I worked for a quarter century in a field where I became involved with self-help groups. These groups very much impress me. This is a website for people who use it for self-help. It is an impressive community. I was long a member of a self-help group for people with one of my problems, uni-polar depression.
If a woman is attractive with hair, she will be attractive without it. If she is not attractive to some people when she has hair, she might well not be attractive to those without it. That might sound creepy to some people. I do not think it is creepy or unkind.
I am a shy person. I have almost never initiated the relationships with women I have enjoyed. The one with my wife was an exception—a happy one.
I understand what you say about “markers”. Aging has been difficult for me—in some ways. Change is difficult for all of us. I was not athletic, but I looked that say for a long time. Then suddenly, I did not look that way. I am very short in a world that sometimes disdains that state. I am old in a world that loves youth.
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I was pretty much called a freak or a monster by some people when I first joined this community. That is where those word emerged.
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It SOUNDS like you are impressed by the self-help aspect of this site. How did you discover it in the first place, and how is it serving you personally? Do you think men not inclined to join groups or address depression might find safety and strategies here? Just curious.
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No, I don't think that it serves me personally. I don't recall how I found this site. My depression has been in remission for over 18 years.
When I was active in my career, I seriously considered earning a doctorate in clinical psychology or an MSW, but I am not deeply interested in becoming a therapist. I used to take seminars at university during summers. The intellectual side of those fields intrigued me.
I retired five years ago. I live on a small pension. What interests me most now is my reading, but I hope someday to earn enough money with little jobs for travel.
I hike and walk. I used to visit Manhattan two or three times a year just to enjoy the city and see art.
My former wife was a teacher, but she had interests in anthropology, psychology, and sexology. These related sometimes to my interest in philosophy and theology. We did talk about psychology, a mutual interest but he had different ways of framing it.
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