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Re: Stinging words
I am 41 years old. I have had Alopecia since I was 9 years old. I lived in a small town in Indiana. We had one girl in another town who also had it, I saw her in a store in a mall once , or I wouldn't have believed it myself. lol I didn't talk to her, and we had no internet like we do have today. I am so glad to see the support you are getting in this forum. :)
I didn't wear wigs in middle school or high school except for the pictures that my mom tried to coax me into in grade school. The kids are vicious, and it left a bad taste in my mouth how others regarding the hiding of my bald head. I thought "you want to see it so bad - POOF, ya got your wish!" Needless to say ...wigs were not something I wanted to explore.
At 21 , I moved to San Diego. A whole new world as far a wigs went. Everybody was wearing them, or had extensions. A lady told me - "Think of wigs as an accessory, like earrings - if you like the cut and style , buy it in the two colors you like. Wear them both, let people know to expect the next cut the next look, always changing..." I loved it. I got red and blonde...working at the front desk at a hotel for many years - the returning guests loved to check out my new look.
My advice is this - you are a beautiful girl . You have a great face. Wear many wigs , be vocal you have alopecia ( in the beginning) if its something they knew before and this happened it would be different - but hes expressing he is uncomfortable. Be polite , acknowledge the elephant in the room. The email is pefect. He can have his "CRAP!!! moment where it won't hurt your feelings. Make sure you include a link to a site that you like that explains the condition. Maybe the last bald person passed away, and it freaked him out. Tell him to email his thoughts regarding you having it, and does that affect how he feels? Tell him you are sorry it came up this way. Be Kind, even if he isn't. I'm sure you have encountered people with attitudes before. This one just hurts because you liked him.
The fella I have had for the past 11 years used to be my neighbor. He said he used to think I was pretty. He saw many different colors and styles. When we finally met...he started the conversation by saying" Going long hair this week are we..." I laughed and said yes. We became friends and I used to always go to his house. He told me one day. No offense, but this hair is so long it is killing my vacuum... you know - you don't have to wear your hair. We can put it in my room. lol. The rest is history.
I have my hair in a place I can go to if I need it. :)
Wish my fella had a brother I could send you. Keep your chin up...however this guy answers....it may change the way you present yourself in the future.
You are beautiful. Be proud, in the grand scheme of things we are so lucky to just have lost our hair. One of the Miss America girls just ran on the platform of bringing attention to Alopecia. Its not like it was in the time I was brought up.
I am so happy to see that so many others can tell you that peoples opinions are just that. Their opinion. What matters is how you feel about yourself. Hope this helps you.
Good luck.
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Tallgirl on
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I think it is very easy to stiffen and be ready for a repeat feeling after being hurt deeply...especially if the same type of hurt has happened several times. My issue is men who have girlfriends/lovers on the side when still professing love for or being married to me. Now I am highly suspicious that I will be left for another, as if it is my eternal fate in life, and I try to make my own plans/back-ups/career/fortune/security so I am not completely devastated again when some "only a good friend" woman becomes more important than me. It will take a giant of a champion to realize this about me and sort out how to reassure me that he can be true and appropriate. Maybe it takes having the other women in the man's life tell me so themselves (that he talks about/cares about me more than them, or that they have no designs on him). With alopecia, I can see where many of us have the sinking inner feeling that the baldness will lead to rejection. I wonder myself how much my own condition "chased" the men in my life off to long-haired (always long-haired) women...or if the baldness was just an excuse for a philandering/judgmental man to go do what he will do again and again to all of the women he meets, anyway.
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Permalink Reply by Jennifer on
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There are good men out there. They just take a lot longer than we do to mature.lol I think your smart. Take care of yourself and always prepare for the possibility that it may always just be you.
Most of what turns the men off is the way the ladies themselves are being about the situation. If you present it as a fact that has happened and this is how you handle it, chances are the men will follow your lead.
If you are insecure, FAKE it till ya make it. Meaning carry yourself with confidence, and soon it just is part of who you are.
Make yourself a priority and others will too. I tell me young friends if you go on a lunch date with a guy or a friend....say "let me turn off my phone, this time is just ours"....if they don't follow suit, and then are so rude as to take a call or look at the text -excuse yourself, and take your meal to go. When they realize you won't accept less than their best either they will make you a priority in the future or they were never going too.
As for fella leaving you, or having other chics....its a waste of time....yours especially. Guys get better looking and more mature when they age... woman start to wane after 30. Don't waste your precious time on people who are just wasting yours.
Head to church, or follow your own passion. Whatever you really enjoy doing, join a group for that activity in your area. When people see you being natural and having a genuine sense of joy , it is very attractive. This is when you will meet someone with a common interest and things will work out. Also, the two timing bums are betting on the chance that you'll be home alone waiting for them to come by. Get out, don't be there....nothing makes a guy more interested , than when you quit being interested in them, or around on their time schedule.
I have faith in you. I know you will refuse anything less than the best for yourself in the future. Being alone is better than being left. Get to know yourself for awhile, and then you'll have even more to offer. No use wasting time, and beauty on losers.
Also, a tip. Estee Lauder makeup counters will give you a whole face makeover. FREE. They understand when you tell them you have a hair loss condition. Its so much fun...take a friend and get a new look. They normally give you a sample of something to take with you too. Just call for one in your area. Jc Penney, macys, Neiman Marcus, Macys. Love the samples.
I wish you the best of luck too. I'm sending positive thoughts your way. :)
Jen
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