I was out with my bf and his family tonight. I wear 3/4 pieces because I still have a headfull of hair with just a few patchy spots. I noticed a woman glancing over at me repeatedly. She was older, heavy and rather unattractive. My bf and I have never discussed my hair. His family doesn't "know" but I think they suspect. We got up to leave and the woman said " you have beautiful hair" I said thanks. As I passed the table, she asked my bfs mom " is it a wig" and his mom said "no, it's real!" why do people do this? And 99% of the time it's women who ask these rude questions. It was hurtful and humiliating, which is what I assume was the effect this woman wanted to have on me. Idk, maybe to make her feel better about herself?
I'm sorry this happened to you, Abby.
Something similar happened to me recently. I started wearing wigs a few months ago, and before that I've been everywhere between shaved head and a short pixie. So, a few nights ago I was at a bar, that I've gone to before in different hair stages. I was wearing a beautiful long wig. I don't know the staff, never talked to them or anything, but it seems one of the bartenders remembers me for some reason. When I went to get a drink, he looked at me and bluntly asked "Is this your hair?". I mean, how insensitive and rude you must be to ask a stranger such a question? Very superficial, gossipy, a bit spiteful even. Totally repulsive behaviour.
I answered something like "In a way it is." and looked at him very very coldly until the end of our encounter. But later... I don't know, I felt bad and humiliated, thought of 10 times better comebacks and I cried myself to sleep. Man, it sucks. I've put a lot of effort to look good (dress, make up, wig) and it felt like this man tried to bring me down for no apparent reason. I think it also hurt me, because I'm generally fine with my situation but I still struggle to see myself attractive to men. And this came out of the mouth of a man. Btw, I'm fine and welcome any and every question, when it's coming from people I've had some positive personal interaction with. It's no secret I wear hair. But coming from strangers? No.
I think those things happen and will continue to happen to us until we find the acceptance we may lack at the moment. In the meantime the positives I find are:
- It's a situation that puts us in a position to learn to stand up for ourselves. Even if it gets us by surprise and we can't put the rude ones in their place, it matters how we process it later.
- It gives me insight of what kind of people I would NOT want around me. I mean, those individuals gave up the whole information about their mentality in a single sentence. Thanks for that instant gift, mate, you suck, bye.
So, I hope you are able to recover from that encounter without any doubts in yourself. This woman didn't humiliate you, she embarrassed herself. We have nothing to be ashamed of. These are the facts.
Now, feelings are a whole another story but try to use that incident to eventually build up yourself. Kudos to bf's mom for backing you up.
Sending a hug.
Hello, I haven't been here in a while and saw you responded. Thank you so much! The thing is, I still get people who will look at me and say, "is that ALL your hair?" At work, when i am out, right in front of my bf. And 95% of the time, it is a woman doing that. I have never once asked anyone such a rude question. All these women running around with the huge false eyelashes, i never say a word. Women who have breast implants, not a word. I am just amazed at how people have been raised to have absolutely no manners.