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She tugged on my wig in front of everyone
Hey guys, I am pretty new to this. I am suffering from female pattern balding over the last 8 to 9 years and at only 28 years old this year. It pretty much sucked when you are constantly bombarded with magazines,the media ,friends and the public for having amazing hair. Also I am a photographer and shoot a lot of models in commercial photography so that also blew me off before. I kept wishing and hoping why could I not have hair like the others.I know there are people suffering with worse conditions but this has really damaged my self esteem or having any respect for myself. I made a lot of wrong decisions expecially when it came to men and just destroyed myself slowly over time. For a long time I felt very alone and did not even tell my friends or family. I was always late for meetings because I was trying to perfect the art of hiding and covering bald patches and thinning areas. Doctors used to be like oh wow you are so young to be going through androgenetic alopecia but yeah it happens. The countless blood tests, the biopsy to confirm the condition all of this entire process I was still afraid to even tell my mother. I was living overseas on my own for 5 years at that time.Eventually I opened up about this condition to some of my friends about my condition and started to realize that I did in the end placed a lot of importance on my hair and understood why the way I was sometimes. It is a up and down process, I was in denial for a long time. I have accepted the condition I have now but I am not fully comfortable in telling everyone what I have yet. It has gotten really thin now and I could not let my hair down anymore. I know I should not be complaining in comparison to how a lot of people out there have lost all of their hair but it is still very hard when you see the bald patches,when the clumps of hair fall through your hand in bunches and the thin areas which just shine through your scalp.
I started to use a half wig now and I feel much better about using it. One day I hope to tell the world when I am ready but just not at the moment. Yesterday a lady, a friend whom I have not seen for ages at a photography opening, sensed something was a miss because of course my hair looked fuller than usual. She tugged on my wig and proclaimed to everyone that my hair is fake and that I was using a wig. She kept probing me, I kept denying it. I was just very very shocked because I am still not open to telling everyone just as yet about what I have and so far no one guessed I was using a wig in the first place until She proclaimed it out loud yesterday. I felt very embarassed at that point and just brushed her hand away quickly. I felt so self conscious and cried on the way home. But now i felt i should have told her to back off and know her personal space.I don't really know how to go on from here, feel like I am back to square one and being really self-conscious & lousy.
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Shaina on
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I'm sorry you went through that. This is the point where I should probably advise you to not let one rude person negatively impact your well-being. But this spoke to a part of me I'm not proud of. :)
If a firm "I'd prefer if you didn't touch me" doesn't work, start gently poking them in the forehead. When they protest just say "Oh, I though we were invading each other's personal space".
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Permalink Reply by Immortalnectar on
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Hey Shaina,
Thank you. I am pretty new to this so its good to hear how others would have responded.
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Thank you Aimee, i am really blessed to hear back so much of support. I really don't feel alone now, and learning how to stand up for myself if next time the situation comes around :)
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Permalink Reply by Tallgirl on
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Report her unwanted, rude touching and exposure to whatever group or place you frequent together...or quietly hand her a personal alopecia brochure with a request not to embarrass you in public anymore, and that she has no right to touch you. Ever.
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P. S. She is NOT your friend. Keep away after you make your statement. She owes a HUGE apology to you.
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Permalink Reply by catbert on
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After reading trough what was written here aleardy, I can completely agree with these recomendations. She is not your friend... which friend would do that? She is rather some jealous b.
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Yeap I was very shocked, I have not seen her in awhile. I think I just did not know how to handle the situation, it was the first time running into this but now I learn how to handle this better. thank you once again.
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Thank you so much, I have not seen her since but since the community is small. I am sure I will run into her at some point. The brochure is a good idea too.
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Unfortunately, there are a lot of ill-mannered individuals that were never taught manners. I have experienced the same situation as you one to many times. I have some people that love to root me. When they see me they come in for the hug and proceed to put their hands on the back of my wig and root me. I didn't know what to do. I was so embarrassed and felt now they know my secret. I wanted to run and hide. But I have a very protective mother that is vocal. When she saw certain ones coming towards me she would come to my rescue and root them. They did not like it and it stopped a lot of them from doing it to me. I had to learn to speak up. Be firm. I would push their hands out of the way before they touch my wig and say unless you are my boyfriend or husband (I have neither one) you do not touch my hair. I don't know where your hands have been and don't want to know. You have invaded my personal space. I also wear nice semi thick hairnets. They look stylish. I get compliments all the time. It keeps people from touching your hair. Hang in there.
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Thank you for all the suggestions. I will definitely learn how to be firm now, i think sometimes when you are so shocked or embarrassed you feel so stuck. I am very glad you have a vocal mum, i think its good to be nice of course but to be firm at the same time. I feel much stronger now, thank you so much once again.
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Permalink Reply by Trina on
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You should have told her to back off! I have had alopecia since the age of 15 and I have been through it all. No one knows at all anymore because I hide it so well. My husband of course does, and he could care less. I think Alopecia teaches us about real vs fake. We learn that people are shallow, and have no remorse for what someone else is going through. What I will tell you is OWN IT! So what I have a wig on. Now what else is new?? That would have been my response. People try to hurt us with things that we are already bothered with. The reality is that we can't give people the power to make us feel bad. LOVE YOU!. You are new to this and I completely understand, but I had to learn to live for me.. and once you take that back.. You will feel so much more relief. Alopecia is hard, never feel bad and say others are going through worse. You are right they are!! But you are going through something you may carry forever and that is hard too!!!
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