Alopecia World
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Trying to get by unnoticed
so I just ordered a new wig and it was the same color as my other just a little shorter.. I wear it to work and a co-worker comes up to me and says that's a wig.. I don't feel like I have to explain my personal life to these people as they like to gossip and spread rumors. so I said no it's my hair. so the next day another co-worker says I love your hair. then later says someone said you wear a wig.. really.. I feel like I'm under a microscope... people wear false teeth have fake boobs and fake limbs I don't go around prying into their business... I guess I'm just wondering what's the best response to say to someone.. people that don't know about alopecia just don't understand and these people are complete idiots.. I have one co-worker that was a hairdresser and she does know because I told her and I feel more comfortable around her.. she tell me if a hair is out of place... I'm always worrying about someone finding out.. without my hair on I feel naked and my head is cold .. sure my husband sees me but he's the only one... my own family hasn't seen me since it went from alopecia areta to universals.. the feel sorry for me.. it's only hair but I'm so out of my element .. when I look in the mirror I see a stranger and it's been about 6 years for this but I've have alopecia since I was a kid and in high school it was horrible to try and hide.. this incident at work feels like high school all over again.. I'm just trying to deal with this the best I can.. and not be under someone's microscope
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Lexi on
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People can be so cruel, and women can be so catty and malicious. I hear ya about the fact that I don't go around saying "hey look, Susie got new boobs..." or making a comment about someone wearing fake nails, or asking if someone wears false teeth...LOL. See, even that, I shouldn't say LOL....if you need false teeth, well, you have to eat to live, right? So you get false teeth to live. And eat. Something about wigs, though, and I really think I know what it is, but I will refrain from saying it....just makes people say and think mean things. If you needed a prosthetic leg to walk, you would wear one. Or not walk? We shouldn't feel ashamed about wigs, but somehow we seem to.
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Permalink Reply by mardy on
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Thanks Lexi... people that have never heard about alopecia are cruel.. hair is the crown on your head is all they think about seems to me.. people don't realize what they take for granted.. I hear people talk about their hair and eyelashes and eyebrows.. something I don't have the pleasure to enjoy anymore....it's painful not having hair emotional and physical .. my husband will want to kiss my head and his whiskers prick my head and bothers my skin so badly feels like needles .. when I wear my hair at work sweating is a huge thing I break out in a rash.. people just don't know what sum of us go thru just to fit in.....
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I also have very sensitive skin, and the synthetic hair of wigs just itch and irritate my face and neck. I would like to try HH but so expensive, and the care/upkeep, plus blonde is hard to come by. I also fear being extremely hot living in FL it is hot already without making it worse..... I understand what you say about having to "explain" to people ....that is the part I would hate to deal with. I mean really when people see you all the time and then you start wearing a wig....you feel like you HAVE to explain, but really, who cares! We shouldn't feel that we have to explain the change in appearance.....or anything else for that matter to anyone. But somehow, we do......
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Permalink Reply by Dianna 845 on
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Hi I go through a lot of the same feelings at work. So far no one has asked. One girl did ask " do you use Wen products? Your hair is so shiny" oh... Nooooo.. I just said no. I saw her looking earlier and would have sworn she knew it was a wig. I think you answered just fine.. Say no more. I once read when someone asks a prying question to respond with " why do you ask?"
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Susan, brilliant outlook. Brilliant. Never let them see you sweat. Never let them see you uncomfortable. Never let them feel that they have hurt your feelings. And really, in the large scheme of things, NO ONE really cares. We just "think" they do. We just "think" they are important and their opinions matter. I know now that I have gotten older that doing things for other people's benefit, or to meet with their approval, fit in, look like they do, act like they do, so they will still "like" you, is a waste of your time and energy. And money. If someone likes you, they like you for the person you are, not the exterior wrappings.
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Permalink Reply by Cue Ball of Steel on
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If they're being rude, say something along the lines of "and you have fake tits but you don't hear me pointing it out."
Alternatively, you could change the story every time someone asks. Maybe your boss pulled your hair out of your head, maybe you have a contagious flesh eating disease that starts with an itch on the back of your head. Possibilities are endless.
Me and my friends have a game called "count the pings" in which you count how many times people's eyes awkwardly flick to your head. Bet on the amount of pings per scenario, wrack up prizes.
Have fun with it is basically what I'm saying here.
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Permalink Reply by Sweet Pee on
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I understand how you feel! I'm so self conscious about wearing a wig especially at work. Unlike you my wigs don't quite look like my old hair- I couldn't afford nice wigs that match my original kinky curly hair and straight wigs are easier to maintain. I also like to change styles so I have been experimenting with wigs (it's the bright side of AU). One senior leader (male) says I see you are growing out your hair- I smiled and said I'm trying all kinds of things. Recently a female senior exec touched my wig and said she really liked my new style - I was mortified. It comes and goes for me but I am trying to deal with this the best I can. Some days I smile and make a quirky comment and other times I avoid the topic altogether. I've shared my condition with people I work closely with but I don't choose to share with all of the other random people. I'm wishing you confidence to deal with whatever or whomever comes your way! When I don't feel confident I try to fake it until I make it - hold my head up high until I'm with those that love and accept all of me - surprisingly that circle was larger than I imagined...
Hang in there!
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you all are AWESOME!!!!! AND THAT'S THE SUPPORT YOU GET FROM OUR GROUP LOVE TO YOU ALL <3
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Permalink Reply by Dollhead on
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OMG! This is my LIFE! I've spent my whole life since I was 10 worrying whether or not my "secret" would get out. My mother told me I could never let anybody know because people would think I was a freak, I wouldn't have any friends, the whole nine yards. I had to come up with some very elaborate ruses to create a zone of safety around myself and deflect things my whole life - not buying wigs in areas where I knew that people that knew me could run into me, changing the subject, etc. Like you, my husband was the only person who knew about my AA and after he died, I lost any filter I had. I figure I've gone through the worst thing EVER in my life when he died, so now I'm like, "come on - that's the best you've got? I walk with Hell every day; you're gonna have to do better than THAT." My Joan Crawford, "Don't F&^ck with Me, Fellas!" aura is now well tuned, and I get to decide what I want people to know, and when I want them to know it. If somebody asks you if you're wearing a wig, just stare at them and ask, "why do you want to know?", and remain silent. Trust me, they'll back down. It's the same tactic I use when somebody asks me how my husband died, and I can tell they're just being nosey. I also would say, "medicated" when people would ask me how I was two weeks after my husband died, and that would shut them up. (I mean, get a clue! I just buried my husband - how the hell do you think I am?) My point is you can tell the people who are generally interested (i.e. maybe it's a fellow alopecian looking for advice) and the ones who just want to be dicks. Shut them down, and move on. HTH!
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omg..Dollhead....... Wow..... I Love your Advice.... your right I never thought about saying it like that I'm just too worried some A'hole gonna try and bully me like when I was in highschool..these adults are far from adults and the women worse they are nosey cause one told another one then that one came up to me and said someone said.. they don't know but they sure wanna start rumors.. I do have a lady at work that knows she's a hairdresser so she understands but these retards that don't know what alopecia is are just so dumb and I don't feel like I have to explain my personal business to them cause then people tend to stare.. I get a lot of complements on my hair everyone seems to like the style and I don't plan on saying any diff lol I even bout a few or more in different colors ..... Thank you so much for the Advice.. I've dealt with this my entire life from grade school on but it's gone from Alopecia Areata to Alopecia Universials having to put temp tattoo eyebrows on every few days cause they sweat off and wear my wig everyday at work is so hot.. it's just becoming a pain in the butt.. It does help when you have others that understand what we all go thru
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You're welcome! I just think of this quote from Game of Thrones from Tyrion Lannister: "Never forget who you are, for surely the world won't. Make it your strength, then it can never be your weakness. Armor yourself in t, and it can never be used to hurt you.' Never let 'em see you sweat!
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