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Venting
Hi guys. I figured if I just vented on here, it'll make me feel better.
I'm 15, almost 16 and I'm a junior in high school, 11th grade.. I've had alopecia since I was 4 years old, in 1st grade. I've been wearing wigs since I was in 6th grade. It has been a tough journey and honestly, I don't want to wear wigs anymore. I feel as if I'm wearing wigs to hide myself from the world and I don't like that. I'm tired of putting on a wig every morning and having to wear wigs when I go to the pool and the beach. My friends know that I have alopecia and I usually tell my teachers about it too. I'm not afraid to go out in public without it on or talking about it. The people who are afraid are my parents. It's hard because they just don't understand what it feels like to wear a wig. I've talked to them several times, asking them for me not to wear it. I even told them, that I would just take it off in school and come home and they wouldn't even know, but they said that they would lose my trust. My parents and family mean the world to me, but I'm not happy with the wig. My parents recently purchased a wig for 700 dollars, more even because we had to style it. I like the way it looks and all, but I'm tired of wearing them. I want show people who I am. I don't know how longer I'm going to wear wigs. How long my parents are going to make me wear them? for the rest of high school.. until college? Honestly, it's not fair. And trust me, I've talked to them and they say they understand, but they don't. Some days it pains me to put on the wig and they just make me cry. Sometimes it just makes me feel like me, myself isn't good enough. It's like my parents don't like who I am. I know they love me, but it just sucks. I just wish I didn't have to wear them anymore and they were okay with what I wanted.
Leave any comments or advice down below for me. Thanks for reading. :)
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Rose Marie' on
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Hello Nicky
I think you are old enough to know how you want to present yourself with regards to your alopecia. You have my total support around making this decision for yourself. I am a parent of a daughter who has alopecia and my advise to you is, if you are old enough to make this decision you are old enough to work this through with your parents.
Do you think you could find out their fears and reassure them that you are aware of what not wearing a wig and presenting yourself to the world with no headcovering means to you and them...this may bring truths and worries that you both don't understand about each other at this stage to the forefront. :)
A quiet discussion where you ask to be heard and give all the reasons why this is so important for you. Then ask them to explain why they feel your choice is not appropriate for you. Adults have a right to their opinions and should be able to share them without undue stress and upset. Think this through and work out your strategies. Maybe copying some information from here or NAAF or CAP so they can see that not all want to wear head coverings and you happen to be one of those people and that you feel the choice is an empowering one that will help you grow as a person. Reassure them of your knowledge around what this will mean to you. Tell them you understand that you will be asked questions and you are ready for that.
Good luck with everything.
Rosy
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Permalink Reply by Tallgirl on
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Start going to family counseling and spiritual counseling (so the real reasons and the fears THEY have about you, money, THEIR image in the community with a bald daughter, courtship and marriage, etc. can come out under the guidance of a professional. Take on many, many chores or a job to pay them back for the wig, or give the wig to mom as a gift for HER to wear. Of COURSE no one wants to waste $700 plus, so some kind of deal may even it out. Wear it at family events and photos only? I don't know. Make the deal with the counselor as a witness.
Sounds like our Nicky is growing up. Congrats on knowing what you want! Smile and be strong in your convictions.
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Permalink Reply by David S on
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Hey there. I'm 44 now. Lost my hair when I was 3, and started wearing wigs in 6th grade. My mom was the main one that wanted me to wear them...even after mine fell off in a basketball game in 10th grade. I kept wearing them until I was in my early 20's.
Then I just stopped and had to deal with with things at home.I wish that I had done it earlier, even though I tapered off over the years afte I hit 18. In some ways I thought it was just easier to deal with life doing what they wanted...now, I wish I had made a stand sooner.
I know exactly what you are going through. My mom did what she thought was best, and did what she thought was right to try and protect me. In fact we just talked about it tonight a little when I stopped by there to get my kids.
I wish I could talk to your parents personally. to explain it from a person who has been there, and is now a parent themselves. no, my kids do not have my alopecia, but I do know that there are things I have to let them do and decide for themselves when they are the right age.
If you ever just need to talk, shoot me a friend request if you want and then message me whenever you want. I can give you my e-mail. I will always listen and offer support. I wish you nothing but the best. You are on the right path my young friend. Keep your eye on the end goal. Remember, you are the one dealing with the actual alopecia. your parents are trying to protect you. Since I do not know your parents, I am going with that idea.
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