Wigs - I'm conflicted

Let me just preface my post with this-- I love my wigs. I'm gonna humbly brag a little here and say that they're beautiful, and, when compared to my friends' hair, my husband tells me that mine is far and away the sexiest, :) I don't mind spending 10,000+ every few months to have brunette "hair" like mine.

But I feel disgusting when I'm not in my wig. I hate it as much as I love it. I hate sleeping in it at hotels, I hate having to bring multiple wigs on trips for different purposes (I can elaborate on that, if I need to). I hate leaving company to run to the bathroom every few minutes to check on my hairline and make sure my eyebrows look good. The thought of my wig coming off nags at me every day, and I just want to live my life like I did when I had hair and didn't have to spend this much and worry this much to look like I do.

 I'm conflicted and would appreciate comments. I need to vent and I need advice.

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Permalink Reply by Calicj on November 23, 2016 at 11:11pm

First of all, I think you should feel very blessed to have such a loving husband who tells you such things. I to have a husband that is so loving and reassuring. I am new to this still. I lost all hair in 10 weeks and finding the change of season difficult. I have spent $800 and can't afford more at this time. I am grateful that I at least have something to hide under.

I strongly believe that you need to explore your feelings and hopefully we ( alopecia world) can help. I Totally get the time consuming worry. The wigs I have are apparently only for walking around in, as I recently found out. If you can afford to spend that kid of money, DO IT. I found a wig that was the closest to what my natural hair looked like and it was $1100, I about died. My husband said if it would make me feel whole again to do it. I financially had to pass.

This condition is mentally draining. Do what you can afford. I got my eyebrows tattooed and it was the best thing I have ever done. I don't have to worry about them moving or smearing. It cost the same as one of the wigs. As for a real nice wig... I am trying to save up for one that is meant for active lifestyle. I am hoping that means I won't have to worry about it moving. I saw the ad here on alopeciaworld for the Joli Holiday party in LA and may go. If you live near there maybe you can go and try on the wigs there. They advertise

that you can be quite active and they don't move. They are expensive though, But it sounds like it may be in your range.

In the long run, you will pay to look Like You, or pay emotionally.

Permalink Reply by kim on November 26, 2016 at 9:18am

Jackie,

My thoughts and prayers are with you. I am in the same boat as you. I am 53 years old and lost all my hair and eyebrows from Feb-Sept this year. I fear I will  lose my husband.

I am thinking about taking the arthritis medication to see if it works.

I certainly need some one to talk to.

Permalink Reply by Debbi Fuller on November 26, 2016 at 9:30am

Hi Kim,

I can't imagine that your husband would leave you over something so unrelated to who you really are.  Most people think that their looks is why someone loves them but that isn't true.  If you are 53, you must have a lot of history between you and I bet that he doesn't care whether you have your own eyebrows or not!  Don't take medication that you don't need just to try and grow hair.  There is currently no CURE for alopecia and drugs always have side effects.  You can buy lovely wigs and you can get your eyebrows tattooed and you can learn to put on false eyelashes but do those things for yourself, not because you fear rejection.  If someone loves you, they love YOU, not just what you look like.  Hopefully your husband isn't a "shallow Hal" who only loves you for your looks?  If he is, then he'd leave when you aged or put on some weight.  I hope he isn't that kind of person, but if he is, you'd be better off with someone who knows how to love the REAL YOU.  I lost my hair 6 months after I got married.  30 years later we ares still a team!

Permalink Reply by Katz on December 20, 2016 at 7:12pm
I agree. I'm married 40 years and my husband has been a tremendous support. He has always been the type to not show much emotion, but when I was told that it was permanent I was devastated, and I cried a lot. He got emotional too..because he saw and felt how much it hurt me. He always tells me it's ok without hair lashes and eyebrows, that he doesn't see me any differently.
It happened so fast to me I didn't have time to process it. I lost it all within 3 weeks, then was told it was permanent..and it's only been since October.
I have accepted it now, and I'm making the best of it. I bought some pretty scarves, and some synthetic wigs, and I've ordered a good custom made wig. I have temporary eyebrow tattoos (I will eventually look into permanent tattoos)and I'm experimenting and learning to put on false eyelashes. It's important to me that I look normal....even though my husband always tells me I look fine as I am. I don't know how I would handle it if he wasn't such a huge source of support.
Permalink Reply by kim on December 21, 2016 at 8:21pm

I find that men must have someone perfect. I cannot compete in the market any longer. I am going to look for another women whose husband has left her because she is bald. We all need companionship.

Permalink Reply by kim on December 21, 2016 at 10:05pm

How do you put on false eyelashes? I lost my real ones on Sept. 10th. What kinds work for AU women?.

Permalink Reply by Stacie on January 8, 2017 at 3:05am

If you haven't already, it may be time to seek a therapist who has experience with women's body image issues and/or hair loss.  At some point, for your own mental health, you are going to need to find a greater level of acceptance for yourself and your hair loss.  Feeling disgusting whenever you're not in your wig is not a good emotional state in which to live your life.  Also, you seem somewhat hypersensitive about your hairline and wig-wearing -- checking every few minutes is exhausting and nerve-wracking.  Wig wearing should not be like that.  In a good wig, you should be able to feel secure so that you can concentrate on living your life, not just living in your wig.  Double stick tape is a great alternative to glue, which can sometimes irritate.  Wig stores sell double stick tape.

You may also want to seek out a women's hair loss group in your area.  Seeing other people and hearing in person how they deal with their situation can be very helpful and, eventually, confidence boosting.

$10K every few months is quite steep, even for high quality, lace front wigs.  A high quality human hair wig should last 2-3 years.  A professional hair stylist can cut and style the wig, and even wash/blow dry it for you on a regular basis.  

Permalink Reply by Lexi on January 28, 2017 at 6:27pm

$10 k every few months??? Really?  Who can do that?  Who WOULD do that.  What a horrible waste of money.  Who is that vain?  OK, Hollywood and stars....after all, they make so much money they don't know what to do with it anyway.  They make $10K in week.  Or less. 

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