Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Deeann on July 2, 2011 at 7:20pm

Hi there. I realize this is a tough decision for both of you. I am an adult with alopecia, but had my first experience when I was 7 years old. I wore hats, and did finally wear a wig, but not because it was completely my decision. My parents felt it was the best decision... Looking back, we all realize it would have been better to let me guide what happened with whatever I wore on my head. Alopecia leaves you feeling so out of control, and having the choice to wear something one day, and something else another gives us a sense of freedom. My suggestion is to let her guide you. I've heard many parents say their child insisted they needed a wig, had to have it... - wore it for one day and then threw it on their dresser never to be worn again. If you'd like an alternative to a wig, or hat, please check out the marketplace at naaf.org. I have purchased several beaubeau scarves that really are lovely, and give me the sense that I am accessorizing, not hiding behind something. Her website is http://www.4women.com/ I encourage you to compare the price of a really good haircut with the cost of a beaubeau. She can wear these for years and years, feel really cute and pretty, and still accessorize with add on flowers to go around the bottom. She can also do that with her beanies in winter time. Add one of those pretty shoe clip flowers to her hat, and she'll feel all done up for the day. Good luck.

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Permalink Reply by Joshua on July 3, 2011 at 11:05am

Hi

I couldnt agree more with what Deeann suggested to let your daugther guide you. In your post, you've listed down all the options and it would be great to go through each option available to your daughter, she might choose to have different things on for different situation.

The school will just have to embrace alopecia and not your daughter being "hide" for her alopecia. Wig, beanie, scarf...are all wonderful options, there are lots of natural hair wigs and comfy, cool and fasionable beanies and scarves will provide lots fun ideas to put on one's head.

At the end of the day, I know that it will be extremely tough for your daughter plus her parents. Be rest assured that you're not alone. Despite having different opinion with your husband, there is one similarity that you must not overlook, which is the fact that both you and your husband just worried about your daughter and want the best for her :)

take care and God bless

Joshua

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Permalink Reply by german mama in NY on July 3, 2011 at 11:51am

Hallo, my daughter has AA since when she was 8 month old, now she will turn 6 in oct..
I believe the same way how you think, because, AA will be always a part of our kid s life, so if you start cover up, she will be never free in here way. I have the best example with my husbands cousin, she is 29 years old, and she NEVER take her wig off, she is in a relation ship 3 years now and he still don't know she has a wig!!! The same no one of her friends!Sad life!
Of course it hurt's bad when people staring and kids make coments, but I try to give my daughter confidence, since she have AA. I teach her, when some one point, point back and smile! That helps a lot.
Over the winter her hair growed back, and this was our first time we had the chance to see what for hair our daughter have, but after she got vaccine shot, the hair falled out again, and we found ' www.childrenwithhairloss.com" a place who gives free wigs for children.
So she got her first wig! Very nice, but she looks like a old lady! And Lavinia ask for to shave her ( rest what was left) hair. It does looks (for us) prettier bald like have patches! Please, tell your husband, be proud of your daughter and be happy she is not sick, she has "only" a beauty mistake)!And make AA a part of your life, but not a passion out of it, many people do this and ( I believe) it is not healty, children do wanna feel special, but not over the top! ( I hope I did not make to many mistakes with my english)
I just read the reply from Deeann and Joshua, thanks! And check ot CAP, they send your info material for the school, what helped us and the teacher! Greetings, Sabine

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Permalink Reply by Carmen West on July 3, 2011 at 3:04pm

Hello,
You want to make sure your child is interested in having a hairpiece. Your husband is also right about the possiablity of having a hairpiece before going to school. Now after saying all that, I have just cut a Gripper Peite for a 4 yerar old in Nashville, TN. This child was very sure about haveing hair. The gripper peite was from Peggy Knight Solutions ahe has a whole ling for children. If you would like to speak with me email me at the email address below.
Carmen Weast Hairdesser
cwestgbAaol.com

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Permalink Reply by Rose Marie' on July 4, 2011 at 12:17am

Hello

As a mother this was an enormous worry for me. As I felt that this decision was going to make or break my daughters acceptance of her alopecia. In the end this was not the case. Whether your daughter and you decide a head covering of some sort is going to be helpful or not is not really the issue. I feel the issue is more whether your daughter is happy with the decisions you are both making at the time. A decision made with a three year old will be very different to a decision made with a 12 year old. It's more to do with where you and your daughter are at. What is going to work best for her, her personality, her lifestyle, her alopecia. What is going to work best to make her all she can be, with or without her hair.

There is no easy one stop fix for dealing with alopecia. Wearing a hairpiece (in my experience) was able to give my daughter the breathing space to find her own personality, to deal with her alopecia when she felt comfortable and strong. A good hairpiece can give your child the opportunity to do these things. But be careful to encourage your daughter to talk about her alopecia (when she feels comfortable) so that it never becomes something to be ashamed or worried about. For my daughter I always tried to encourage her to be open about her alopecia , but how she presents herself is truly something she should feel 100% comfortable with and no matter what choice she made (no hair, wig, scarf, hat whatever), alopecia would still have to be dealt with when dealing with her peers and the general public. Children like adults need the autonomy to be able to voice their needs, but for a little person the decision making falls to you, the parent. Reading through your post I can see you just want to get this right for your daughter and trust me, you will. You are being proactive and caring and have come to a place where you are able to hear first hand what can go wrong and what has worked for people.

My daughter was 12 when she lost her hair and is now 20 years old. She enjoys her life and enjoys her hair wearing, she doesn't love her alopecia but she deals with it in a positive way. For me the biggest thing I wanted for her was that alopecia was just a small part of who she was, never to be denied but never to take full attention either. (sometimes this hasn't been the case, alopecia on many occassions has to take full attention as it is so very challenging). Keep talking to your wee girl and you will find the answers that help you both.

If I can ever be of help, feel free to pop into my page.

Hugs

Rosy

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Permalink Reply by Bella Unica on July 6, 2011 at 9:14pm

Hi, I would say let her decide. You say that she is aware of her clip and loves it. Give her as many options as you provide her with and let her decide based on her mood. I guess I would say treat clips, wigs, hats and scarfs as accessories not as necessity. Let her have fun with it! Best of luck to you and your family:)

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Permalink Reply by Meryl on July 15, 2011 at 6:46pm

My daughter starting losing her hair when she was three. At four, we shaved the remainders of her hair. I have been very opposed to the wig idea from the start. I feel that if I suggest she wear a wig then I am reinforcing the idea that she has something to hide. Really she does not. A child in a wig is really sad to me. My daughter is now 8 and has dealt with it really well. Sometimes kids make fun of her, and we have had a lot of conversations about what she can say when that happens. Truly, she does not need friends like that wether she has alopecia or not. These kids are just showing their true colors. Most kids are just curious. I love the ones that straight out ask her why she does not have hair and she tells them. I am letting her make the decision to wear a wig or not, but waiting until middle school. Meryl is comfortable with herself and has a lot of friends. We keep her active in sports and that has really been the key to her self esteem. She knows she is more valuable than her looks. Her spirit and confidence keeps her active and attractive. By the way, we have an a big drawer full of hats and bandanas that she wears. She really likes to pick one out for the particular outing. They look really cute and are necessary to protect her head! Baseball caps are good, but can sometimes look a little too boyish, so we have founds some more feminine ones online and at the Children's Place. Good luck to you. I know this is so difficult.

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Permalink Reply by VanillaPlum01 on August 4, 2011 at 10:53pm

God Bless you baby girl! I wish I had the same strength!

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Permalink Reply by Jules1984 on July 16, 2011 at 7:00pm

I can't seem to convince my husband that putting a wig on a child is going to be difficult. He thinks that by putting a wig on her, it gives her a head start, in that when she starts school the children won't make fun of her... but at the same time we would educate the student in the class about alopecia areata. He thinks that she is not capable of making such decisions for herself... I told him that she would decide on what makes her feel comfortable. If she goes to school and comes home crying her eyes out about people making fun of her and says that she wants a wig then we can discuss that option with her. We keep having arguments about it... he says that her wearing hats and scarves are the same idea in that we are "hiding" her alopecia... but I really don't think it's considered "hiding" when it's only on to protect her scalp. I don't know how to articulate the way I feel about it... and i just keep hoping he would understand where I'm coming from. He's not adament that she wear a wig... but he really wants that option on the table for when we decide to shave her head. I told him we can discuss it in a years time (if needed). I'm just hoping and praying that all the regrowth she has sticks strong and she has full remission... I know that's alot to ask for but I'm praying that it will all regrow and if it does have to happen again that it happens later in life when she can make her own decisions. I find that if we make the decision for her we may be making some mistake... I just wish I could have a clear cut answer... but that's not happening. Thanks alot for all your comments!

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Permalink Reply by Meryl on July 16, 2011 at 7:47pm

I just want to add that when they are little, the other kids are just curious. We taught Meryl when kids or adults stare to smile. Smiling allows people to know that she is just like them and happy. If she looks solemn and sad, then it make people uncomfortable. Best lesson ever! Kids smile back and usually want to play with her. So many of her little friends say " I wish I did not have hair like Meryl". When kids call her names or point, she just looks at me and says "those are mean kids. I do not want to play with them!" I really think she is learning to be comfortable in her skin now. I am grateful this happened now and not as a teenager. Meryl has no eyebrows and eyelashes. If I put a wig on her, it does not look real. I was afraid that kids would pull it off her head and devastate her. Also, we live in TX. A wig on a kid is just not logical for us. Sometimes our kids are stronger than we give them credit for. Meryl has taught me strength and acceptance I did not know I was capable of. Tell her how beautiful she is bald and how when people make fun of her, and they will, that they are not friends. I tell Meryl 1 out of 10 people will be her true friend because the other ones don't have the capacity to be true. You can tell I am partial to no wig, however, I understand the struggle and hope you and your husband can be on the same page to make the family more at ease.

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Permalink Reply by VanillaPlum01 on August 4, 2011 at 10:58pm

you are a wonderful mother and I look up to you. When I lost my hair, it really wasn't an option. My mom and dad just took me to a place, they shaved my headed and fitted me for a wig. I left with a wig on my head. I have never entered the outside world without hair. I look up to your baby girl. She will learn how to defend herself in an educated and intelligent manner and that will make all the difference! I wish u guys the best of luck

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Permalink Reply by VanillaPlum01 on August 4, 2011 at 10:55pm

I will pray for your baby girl! God Bless!

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