Wish I would lose more hair or none at all

Hi, I'm new here. I was diagnosed AA in 2014 when I found a spot that grew quite large above my left ear. It did eventually stop and grow back without treatment, and as soon as it was the same length as the rest of my hair I got another one in the same spot. That one too grew in and now I have another one. Same area but this time farther down towards my hair line. I am now also thinning quite a bit overall, and am losing alot of hairline on the left side.

I can hide it fine, and to anyone else I have regular hair as it was very thick before. I have had 2 sets of dexamethasone shots and still losing hair although half of the original spot is growing now.

I feel self concious about it and want to shave it off. Although that seems super drastic since nobody around could probably tell I have AA. I wore a scarf the other day around the house and felt so much more comfortable. Isit wierd that I wish more would fall out so I actually have an excuse to feel this way and to an actually "need" the scarf?

So frustrated being in this in between state. I am not comfortable and if I shave my head or wear a scarf I'm afraid people wold think I'm overreacting or making it up or something.

Hope I'm not alone with this..

Thanks..

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Permalink Reply by Amuneta on February 12, 2017 at 5:29am
Hey! Well, to start of with, I should say that you are not alone at all! I waa in this sort of situation about a month ago, but the mainsifference is I couldn 't hide my alopecia anymore. So I decided to cut it short and I bought a wig. However I felt that way that I want my hair to fall out completely or to grow back.. because it makes me so frustrated.. so I would recomend to find what makes YOU comfortable and good because it's your life and you have to deal with AA like you want not others expect. Also if you shave your hair it will be a fresh start to your life and maybe the time to let go of it will come. I send you best wishes and love. Stay strong!!
Permalink Reply by marmay on February 12, 2017 at 2:22pm
Thank you Amuneta, you are right. It is my story to deal with how I want, not what others expect of me. I have a hard time with anxiety as it is so hard to not care how others will react. Hopefully I can come to that acceptance soon. Thank you so much for your response!!
Permalink Reply by Amuneta on February 12, 2017 at 4:15pm
I hope it helped. I also had a hard time with anxiety in the autumn. And sometimes now I am afraid or anxious because of what situation I will be in and etc. Best wishes!
Permalink Reply by Camryn on March 6, 2017 at 11:26am

I know what you mean, I feel like if more/all my hair is going to fall out it'd be be better just to get it over with rather than having to wait and see what's going to happen. I was at the theatre yesterday and felt so self conscious wondering if the person behind me could see my scalp. The uncertainty about what's going to happen to my hair is keeping me off-balance.

Permalink Reply by Siella scott on March 11, 2017 at 4:35am

Definitely not alone. I got immediate relief cutting it short but then quickly realized that it's still coming out and feels like bristles. Actually stings when I try to lie down. Sticks in my fast balding scalp. I want to go ahead and get it over with. If you get the courage before me, please share your thoughts? Thanks. Right here with you.

Permalink Reply by Kathsia on March 24, 2017 at 12:19am

Hey!

I want you to know that you are definitely not alone. I was newly diagnosed with AA last year. A friend found a spot about the size of a nickel on the back of my head. It grew to the size of a golf ball over a few months, but now it is slowly growing back (thin hairs about 1/2 inch in length). I have been getting injections since February because the steroid cream the doc gave me just did not work!

Since I was diagnosed I have had 3 spots--two are growing in, but just found ANOTHER one on the front side of my head really close to my forehead. I'm scared it will keep losing hair to the point where my hairline won't cover my scalp. I am getting injections on all spots but regrowth is happening verrry slowly, and the injections leave my head sore and irritated.

AA is really frustrating for me because it is so unpredictable--when one spot starts growing in, another may form. Even if all my hair eventually grows back, there is still a chance that I'll wake up one day to find another spot that I'd feel obligated to hide.

I made a deal with myself that if I come to a point where my spots become harder and harder to hide I will shave it off and wear a wig, but honestly, I kind of want to shave it off now. It would feel better to take control of an internal situation that I can't really 'fix'. I am always on edge when I take a shower or get up in the morning because I'm scared to see how much hair I will see clumped on my pillow/in the drain/in my hand.

I totally understand how you are feeling, and it's a strange in-between uncertain place to be in. In short, do whatever makes you comfortable, I say that you don't need any excuse to be comfortable. Do it for you, and no one else. I know, beauty standards can be harsh and deviating from the norm can be difficult, but dealing with this auto immune disorder--(1-2% of the population?)--it's hard to satisfy that norm, because well, we're unique in a aesthetically (and sometimes emotionally) challenging way.

That being said, I feel like I've had to create my own idea of "things I've learned with AA" as a way to take control. For me, it's the fact that I've gotten really good at hiding. Hiding behind makeup and hair clips. My blending skills have gotten so good from this disorder! I've also found creative ways to get ready in the morning-like tacking a back-facing mirror parallel to my bathroom sink mirror (for the spots on the back of my head). I don't know, in time you'll find something that works best for you to cope. I wish you the absolute best. You are not alone!

Kat

Permalink Reply by Jade2611 on March 30, 2017 at 11:40am

I know exaclty how you feel. I have two large bald spots on the right side of my head, but I have thick hair so it only really shows when I run my hands trough my hair or when the wind blows in my face. One is right underneath the 'top layer' of my hair, (a little more hair loss around the edges and it will be completely visible) the other one above my ear going to the back of my head.  My BF tells me 'not to worry about it' cause people who don't know won't see it. But for the past few days after pulling out strands of hair in the shower every time I'm in there all I wanted to do is shave my head and buy a wig too :-(

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