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How do you deflect questions about your hair?
I just came off of a crying fit in the shower. Last night I was out at a bar and this girl who I know casually came up to me and started touching my hair and asking "Is this your hair?" I was so startled I said "no". And she goes "A weave? A WIG?" And I just looked at her and said "I have alopecia" Then she launches into this story about a girl who she knew from high school who had it, and all she rocked was a big bow and that was it. Whatever. I don't even know her that well, it is a bar that I go to all the time and now I feel like i can't even go back there. I mean what gives her the right? I was so taken by surprise I couldn't come back with a witty deflection or anything. I was totally unprepared and I am pissed and annoyed now that I will feel totally uncomfortable around her.
I hate this. I can't stand it, I wear a wig because I don't like the way I look without hair, I don't like the way people look at me even when I am wearing a headwrap on vacation or something. I just hate this. I feel like I am not at ALL on the outside who I am on this inside. I had AA always as a child and only recently did it change to AT. And threatening AU. I hate it. I can't even stand to look at myself in the mirror and then to go out and be reminded about it by someone who has no right to ask those questions is just unfair.
Unfortunately I don't think this is a plan by god, or a blessing and I understand those of you who look at it that way, I am just not that type of religious person. To me, this is just an obstacle that is making my life miserable.
I guess enough with the self deprecation, my original question is just- how do you deflect questions, or deal when people are inappropriate about your hair?
I hate this. I can't stand it, I wear a wig because I don't like the way I look without hair, I don't like the way people look at me even when I am wearing a headwrap on vacation or something. I just hate this. I feel like I am not at ALL on the outside who I am on this inside. I had AA always as a child and only recently did it change to AT. And threatening AU. I hate it. I can't even stand to look at myself in the mirror and then to go out and be reminded about it by someone who has no right to ask those questions is just unfair.
Unfortunately I don't think this is a plan by god, or a blessing and I understand those of you who look at it that way, I am just not that type of religious person. To me, this is just an obstacle that is making my life miserable.
I guess enough with the self deprecation, my original question is just- how do you deflect questions, or deal when people are inappropriate about your hair?
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Leslee on
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HI,..I know how you feel...I've had AT for 18 years, since the summer before my senior year. I don't talk about it at all. When people ask where I get my hair done I am very uncomfortable, so I lie and make something up.. I applaud you for telling that girl you have alopecia! Maybe someday I can do that
You know Im not that kind of religious person to think this is part of a plan,.but I tell myself maybe if this is the worst thing to happen to me...you know , it could be worse..Im not saying I always feel that way..I have felt very depressed over the years and it has totally changed my personality, but its something to hold on to :) -
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Permalink Reply by Artemis88 on
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Thanks. Yea, I actually didn't WANT to tell her, it just sort of came out, and then I immediately regretted it. i was so upset later on, and just makes me not want to go back there again. ugh. I want to lie. it's none of their concern.
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Permalink Reply by Samantha White on
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Hi I had AA for 13 years and AT for 2 years and I have had AU for the last 6 years.I have had many people come up to me and ask about my hair(or lack there of) and what happened. I do not know if what I am about to say will help you but I hope that it will. You see I do not go around wearing a wig or warp I do wear hats but other then that I am bald all the time. I work in a public place so I have people come up to me all the time asking. Most of the time I can just joke it off by saying I left it at home or that I shiped it off to get washed and then I tell them I have AU. But in truth I feel like I am nothing more then something for people to stare at and feel sorry for. But some advice I can give you is this if you can joke about having no hair or wearing a wig when people ask its not so bad. Also here is something my mom told me when I first lost all my hair. She told me "It never gets better, only a little less different everyday." That saying helped me get passed my fears and helped me survie high school. So know you are not alone in how you feel and know that we all are here and we will help. And always know that you are beautifull no matter what you think other people think, YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL!!! Own it and use it as a chance to educate people about AA, AT, and AU. So then others and you feel more comfortable about it.
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A little less different. I like that. It is exactly right.
But then something always slams me back to square one..and I fell bad all over again.
I guess it will get a little easier to get back to a more centered place as time goes on.
Thank you so much for your response. These are all helpful... -
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Permalink Reply by Tracy on
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I have had alopecia since late childhood and I know have it now. No one usually touches my hair, but people do ask about what is it. I was taught if I don't have anything good to say don't say nothing at all but the general population is just rude. If I am posed with the question what did you doto your hair, I usually just state (Well you know us ladies we are always trying something new with ourselves). If they say is that a weave or what I say (You never know what I will come up while trying something new so don't get used to this look because you never know what I will do next it depends on my mood). That is the best it gets with my explanations without being rude and saying (just mind your business and know that I am a confident person who wants my inner beauty to match my outer beauty). Know that you are beautiful and over time you will get stronger because the public willl always be the public. I must admit your approach was fine but the next time don't feel bad after you state it say it with empowerment & conviction and move on.
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Permalink Reply by Valerie Hutcherson on
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I have been where you are, especially in my 20's . People would compliment my hair and then ask "is it yours?" I would always be on edge worrying about whether anyone would say anything and be a wreck about how to reply. In my 20's I would often lie and says it's mine and change the subject. I haven't had anyone ask in some time but when they have, i say "yup, I bought it so it's mine" or "it's on my head, isn't it? That usually shuts folks up. I think it's wonderful it you use these questions as an oppotunity to educate people about alopecia BUT that's up to you. I'm not ashamed of the condition, iv'e had it for over 30 years BUT I also don't feel like I have to education people and i don't if I don't feel like it. It's plain rude to ask such personal questions and i would feel no obligation to discuss it with anyone. The next time, you should respond in whatever way makes YOU most comfortable whether it be a truthful reply, snarky comment or simply, "wow, that's rude to ask or I don't wish to discuss my hair." I hope this helps a little.
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