Hey All ..


I was just wondering if I am the only one that struggles with REALLY low self esteem over their looks. I would imagine that we all struggle for sure .. but seriously .. i been in the dump for YEARS and still to this day have trouble looking at myself in the mirror. And even tho I "accept" the alopecia .. I can tell that I am still VERY anti-social.

Which then made me think ... could if be that I stay in a crappy relationship because of more or less the same reasons? Do any of you feel this way?

I ALWAYS feel like my partner "doesnt understand" what i really go through .. or how depressed I am. She knows it affects me alot ... but yet I dont feel the proper support.

Or maybe I just expect too much? I know she cant fix it .. so really what can she even do besides make me feel good about myself.


Im kinda just venting.. but seriosuly looking for feedback too or just similar situations.

We have been "off and on" for years now .. talk about getting married ... but between my depression and her drinking problem it just seems like too much at times.

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Gio

A few things came to mind as I read your venting. First, self esteem is all important, followed by real confidence with intimacy. Just from the one photo on your profile it seems to me that you are a handsome enough guy without hair. Seems like there is some variability still with eyebrows, etc and that can be draining but overall I would suggest really absorbing the idea that you are handsome enough to be with the person you want to be with in relationship. I used to carry around cards that reminded me to reaffirm that belief and be kind to my body (its not the enemy) and to relax each day. Whenever I pulled those cards out it was a reminder to stop my obsessive little thoughts about how horrible it was my hair had fallen out.

Second thing that came to mind is that all issues are not your issues. Your very last words caught my attention. If there is heavy drinking involved and its not under control or being dealt with then thats a big issue. You need a partner who is dealing with their s__t as you deal with yours.

Catch your balance with how you feel about yourself as a man with alopecia. Give yourself the space and professional support to get there. Then deal with relationships.
Tough call I thought I was supportive of Pat in the early days of her AA and was hopeless now I believe I have got it right most of the time however I have also stopped drinking and am nicer in all aspects of my life and really being love with Pat makes being supportive easy. John

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