Alopecia World
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Introducing myself, and interested in stories of your hair loss.
The recent official diagnosis of my androgenic alopecia has thrown me for a loop and there have been bouts of crying, depression, and lots of self pity over the past couple of months, but otherwise I would consider myself a happy and generally upbeat person. I love to cook, eat, and sew vintage dresses. I work in fundraising. I am married to a wonderful man and together we travel and explore when and where we can. More than a great head of hair, someday I would like a dog, a house with a cozy kitchen, lots of vintage clothing, and time to bake every day.
My hair loss story began when I was 21. I studied abroad in Ireland, where I boldly got a very short haircut (think Felicity) with my curly locks. Well, being abroad was lonely for me and by the time it was over I had developed my first and only severe bout of depression in my life. With the sadness, I started worrying about my short haircut because I could see my scalp and worried my hair was thinning. But... of course everyone (including myself) thought this fixation on thinning hair was a byproduct of my depression and anxiety.
Well, the anxiety and depression self corrected after a few months back home, but the fear about my thinning hair has never entirely dissipated. During times of stress I always ended up at the bathroom mirror inspecting my hairline, and I swear finding evidence of thinning. However, my loved ones and husband always saw my concern as a remnant of that sad period of my life and assured me I was stone cold crazy to worry. "You're fine" they would say. "You have plenty of hair" was the common response. And so I would put the worry to rest, temporarily.
But this summer a hairdresser in my hometown was styling my hair for the first time in four or five years, and she gently asked me if I had noticed the change in hair texture on the top and sides of my head. My heart sunk, and upon further inspection with a hand mirror I realized that indeed, my hair is thinning all over and especially on top. Yikes!
Now, 7 years after my official worries about thin hair, I have been officially diagnosed with androgenic alopecia (the dreaded female pattern baldness!) by two dermatologists, and the loss is visible even to those loved ones who always denied my worries. In some ways it is a bit of a relief to hear the diagnosis, as now I know I was not crazy with anxiety all these years. And in trying to find the bright side, I admit that if I had to choose between a chemical imbalance in my brain or a chemical imbalance in my hair follicles, I choose the follicles every time!
I am in the first months of the official diagnosis and just starting to come to terms with the full realization that my head of hair is a temporal state. I find myself wavering between feeling comfortable and confident in my ability to handle this situation with grace, and absolutely sick to my stomach and stricken with fear about the ways this condition might affect my life and my dreams and my relationships and my overall happiness.
As I mentioned, I feel shy and a bit awkward with this right now, but I look forward to easing myself into the forum and the FPB group. I plan on learning from others' experiences, sharing my own, and hopefully becoming more and more confident in my own strength, beauty, and worth with or without hair.
I would love to hear from some of you, just to know your stories and where you are at with your diagnosis (I don't know, for us with FPB do we consider it a "condition" or a "disease" or just a "cosmetic inconvenience"...? I have no idea!). I have lots of questions to bring to discussion and the forum and I look forward to getting to know you. Thanks!
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Lexi on
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http://www.alopeciaworld.net/profiles/blogs/2022678:BlogPost:467740...
Hello, and welcome. See what I wrote regarding my hair loss to Nari. That will tell you that I feel your pain. How were you officially diagnosed? My primary care said stress...I thought thyroid..he sent me to dermatologist...they ran a laundry list of tests...but never came up with anything official..My primary now sees thyroid, and I have been on meds for 4 mos.. no hair growing back, still shedding..comes and goes cyclic.. for months I will shed, then it subsides for awhile. I think it is over finally...then starts up again with avengance. Hard not to be anxiety ridden and abit depressed losing your hair. Don't we all spend too much time in the bathroom with a mirror, assessing how much hair we lost/have left, etc...We wonder when we go out are people looking at us, and what are they thinking..poor woman, look at her thin hair, oh, I can see her scalp, poor dear.....or wearing a wig, I feel better about myself until I notice the looks from some people, is she wearing a wig? why is she wearing a wig? etc. Change in texture of my hair, you bet. Used to be silky straight baby fine hair...thin, but all of it was there at least. Now it squiggles at the ends, and each hair remaining is coarser and abit thicker, and gets tangled very easy. I just take scissors and chop it shorter all the time. Who cares. I pray it comes back in every night. Do read my post. Keep in touch. -
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Permalink Reply by Kate on
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Hi Lexi - I did read your post and I understand many of the feelings you are having. It is good not to feel alone.I spent about two weeks last month in a fit of despair, but have worked myself back to a better place with willful self control. I try to take some measures to prevent myself from obsessing about the hair loss, but even still I find the obsession hard to manage right now. I try very hard to limit the number of times I allow myself to look in the mirror at my hairline and to take my hand held mirror to explore the back and sides of my head. When I am at home and feeling particularly obsessive, I sometimes just go ahead and wrap my hair up in a scarf or bandanna. Out of sight, out of mind. Above all I have tried to stop depressive thoughts early with more reasonable thinking (for example, if I start to become upset thinking that no one will find me attractive without hair, I try to immediately remind myself that the type of people I am interested in attracting are more generous of spirit than to care so intently about hair, so it is a non-issue). Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't, but I do know the value of trying to control my negative thinking. It is a negative feedback loop, and the more you allow and feed your sadness, the sadder you feel. Part of helping that is being proactive. Thanks for being a part of my proactive efforts!
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Lexi - I was diagnosed with regular old female pattern baldness this summer. My hairdresser first brought the loss to my attention, which caused me to seek medical advice. First, I consulted a dermatologist during an annual skin cancer screening, and he suggested it looks just like androgenic alopecia, but I could have a scalp biopsy to be sure, and consider using rogaine. I don't want to do either. Then I had a full blood workup done, nothing abnormal, so that supports the FPB diagnosis (no thyroid issues, not hormonal issues). Finally, I saw a hair restoration specialist who looks at balding folks all day long, and he diagnosed female pattern baldness too. At this point I am not as concerned about what is causing the loss, or even how to stop it, as much as I am concentrating on retaining a sense of self worth and perspective in the real face of being thin-haired or partially bald.
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Permalink Reply by Marie on
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Hi. Thanks for sharing. Sharing and support are what we are all about at Alopecia World. Everyone ages differently, and for many women Androgenic Alopecia is just one of those things that come as they get older. Although it changes how a person looks and feels, and it can be horribly devastating, it's no more "unnatural" than deep wrinkles and sagging butts. In my early 40s, I realized my hair was more than just a little thin when I saw a photo taken with a flash. The light reflected off my scalp and I saw how truly exposed I was. I was shocked!!! No one else thought it was a problem, but I was horrified. I became depressed and obsessed. But, eventually, in order to stop the madness and get my life back, I had to accept it, so I started wearing wigs. Do people know I wear wigs? Sure they do; I tell everyone! I figure that since I don't pretend that my stilettos are part of my feet, my earrings are part of my ears, or my glasses are part of my face., I won't pretend that my wigs are part of my head. Since they are as visible as my clothing, I consider them just another fashion accessory. Do what it takes to feel good again.
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Permalink Reply by Lauren U on
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Hi Marie,
I'm 22 and have been experiencing my hair loss for the past two years. I've still got enough to do my hair in a way that covers the thinning top, but its getting thinner and thinner. I've had the past two years to mentally prepare myself that when the time comes, I want to wear a wig and I too will not hide the fact that I wear a wig. I just figure may as well not be anxious about hiding it and just have it as a fact about myself. Anyways, do you have your hair shaved under your wig and what kind of wig do you suggest? Part of me wants the simplest fix and I feel like I'm willing to just shave it off and wear one of those freedom wigs that is fitted to your head so they stay on well. I'm super active so thats concern I have. Anyways, any feedback would be great!
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Permalink Reply by JOANNE SMITH on
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Welcome Kate - It is very difficult to talk to people about this for sure.It is a million times easier to talk to people with hair loss themselves and as you can see there are plently of us.
I also have AGA since I was 23years old when I was told this and burst into tears and spent years trying to find a cure. I never spoke to anyone and felt I was the only one! My emotions would change all the times sometimes ok and other times obsessed and depressed about it.
Since speaking to others accepting it and dealing with it it has become soo much easier to bear.
Welcome and well done - wish I had done this tears ago!! -
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I just wanted to stop in and comment on my own post from 18 months ago, and say what an absolute assistance this site has been over the past year and a half. Access to a community of people who experience similar challenges and emotions - and who share their experiences so candidly and honestly - has made ALL the difference in me finding a comfort level with my alopecia. The members on this site have give me perspective, ideas, advice, and self-assurance that my hair loss is not an all consuming event. I feel a million times better about myself and my future today than I did when I wrote this introduction for myself back in August 2012. For that I want to say thank you, and also hope that my experience can be shared by others like me who start here scared and alone and transform into those who can offer support and hope. Thank you!
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