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Comment by Dorothy on April 23, 2009 at 11:00am

Interesting, I had not heard that one before, thanks for sharing.

Comment by Nicole Mosley on April 23, 2009 at 2:17am

"There is no excellent beauty that hath not some strangeness in the proportion." ~ Francis Bacon

Comment by Dorothy on March 20, 2009 at 2:35pm

I have done the turban thing but only around the house and never to answer the door, mostly for warmth during the winter months, but have not done that in years. I do not even let my own mother see me without my wig, I was married afterall when it all started, so she has never seen me this way. We are planning a trip to Disney this September and I have purchased a special comfort lined wig to wear to bed since we will be sharing hotel rooms. So no I am not even comfortable with a wig substitute. I think my two younger kids have learned to be more accepting of differences, so they are more open minded to be sympathetic and understanding of people who don't fit the "normal mold", my so much that he has had a lot of girl friends that I "lovingly" call damaged. They have been molested or have a parent who does drugs, or are in foster care for various horendous reasons, they find they can talk to him and he does not judge them. They find him a comfort and he is only 16, such a big heart he has. Of course these girl friends are not serious relationships at his age, but with his record he will make a wonderful husband for some lucky girl in the future. My daughter is really good with handicapped children and has a big heart, she can be a bit self absorbed, but she does not disregard me like the other does. So, yes I think they will do well in society and contribute to the understanding of it all.

As far as my hubby, well he got to know me before all this happened, so for him to just walk away, that was not an option for him. When I think of some of the boyfriends I had in school, I know not a single one of them would have stayed, it takes a special man to look past the wig. I know they are out there, I know several women who are married and got married after the alopecia began. I also know I am fortunate, but I did not get the only man who can look past the baldness of it all. So there is a man for you, just around the corner I am sure. When you least expect it perhaps, but somewhere.

I understand your mother and her feelings, I was terrible mad at God when the alopecia started, furious and thinking I was being punished, what I could not say, but convinced I was being punished. So for many years I would not step inside a church, even listen to a tv preacher. At some point I had to forgive myself and come back to my beliefs. Now I pray everyday and yes the occasional thought creeps in of why me? and even why can I not have happiness, but deep down I know I have to find my own happiness and can not rely on God for that, meaning I have to find happiness in what I have. I guess that is why I have let go of the oldest daughter, I had the happiness of having given birth, raised her the best I could, during a very emotional time. Then I had to let her go and make her own way. Now and for many years I have these other two kids, that I prayed for and God gave me another chance at motherhood, so there is my happiness, as well as other areas of my life. (It was hard for me to get preg with all three kids, but especially #2, took 15 yrs)

Well, it is now Friday afternoon, and soon the activity will start, daughter will be coming home from work, then shortly after so will hubby, son is spending 4 days at my mothers house, she is 77 yrs old and he stays with her several times a year to help with household chores that are difficult for her. So I hope you have a very pleasant weekend, it is sometimes harder for me to get to the computer during weekend.

I have enjoyed our chat, I hope you can explain to your mother about what I said about being mad at God and that she should let go of her anger, I finally did and I feel so much better. It is great that you have such a healthy attitude about the alopecia, my biggest fear was that I would pass this along to my girls, well the oldest at nearly 36 has no signs of hair lose, and so far the 20 yr old does not, but between you and me your mother may be harboring some thoughts that she did this to you, that she is somehow to blame. I know my dad thought it was his fault because my son is allergic to penicillin, my father is allergic and when he found out about my son he cried, finally understanding, I had to tell him my hubby is also allergic. We parents do think the strangest things sometimes.

Enough rambling on, hopfully I have said something you can take from this and ease some of your mothers pain.

Take care and I will add you to my prayers tonight, that you find a good and understanding man.


Take Care!

Comment by Lindsay on March 20, 2009 at 2:08pm

that must have been extremely hard for, but we must do what have to to keep spirits up, and take care of what is important, and i am so glad u have 2 accepting younger children.... they sound like wonderful people :)
u know, my brother had one bout of losing all his hair, but his came back relatively quickly..... my mother is so angry that i lost all my hair, she is a religious woman but says she is mad at God for doing this to me, because i have been through so many trials other than this.... i told her, mom, out of everything i have been through just prepared me mentally for this.... this, i can handle! boy i hope i keep this outlook...... because sometimes i am very lonely..... i go on dates, i am honest about my disease, and i have not had any real connection with a man though.... i wish i could have a decent relationship at least.... but i thank my lucky stars everyday for the friends that i do have! they keep me busy, and distracted..... its just that one day i want to start my own family, and im only getting older! scary.... i dont want to be alone forever....
have u ever worn scarves? or cute hats? they are my saving grace, i find that wigs are very bothersome, except for when i want to look "magical"
:)

Comment by Dorothy on March 20, 2009 at 11:13am

She now lives in Ark, and we have no contact with her and horrible to say, I am glad, she just breaks me heart when she is around, with her being at a distance and no longer in our lives, she can not hurt us as badly. She has hurt her siblings because of her not having contact, my poor son spent the first 12 yrs of his life having not met her because she lived in Omaha then and would have no contact, then moved to our town for 2 yrs, then off again and with no contact, she is like a stranger to him and our daughter askes what I want her to do should she ever get married, I told her she can invite her, but I would rather not see her as part of the wedding party. She understands, the oldest one well, I gave up a long time ago trying to understand her, and I can tell you the hurt was bad, but I have put that hurt away for now as I have two other kids to concern myself with just now and can not spend my life in a state of hurt. As far as the alopecia, I think for the most part I have put that hurt away too. Some days I allow myself to think about it, but most days I just go about my day like any other person would, just trying to get thru the day and adding as much good to my life as I can, one day at a time.

I accept your hug, life is short and we can never get enough hugs, thanks!

Have never been to CA, very far distance for me, I only venture southward to go to Disney, love that place, that is one place I can go and be a kid again, even forget about my alopecia for a time. Of course I do not do the rides that could cause my wig to fly off, but most of those are ones I would not do anyway as I am chicken for the wilder rides.

Oh well, life goes on!

Comment by Lindsay on March 19, 2009 at 4:45pm

oh dorothy, that does break my heart for you..... i dont want u to feel that alone ever, im so glad you are here with us in this life and it sounds like you have an unbelieveable, loving, supportive husband! what a lucky man he is!!!
your oldest child needs to be sat down and explained about things in life i suppose..... and she is that old! im always very surprised when adults are not accepting of peoples differences, especially her own mother....
i wish i could just give u a big hug!!!
this is our one life, and ill be damned if it is spend worrying what other people think! though it does help that i live in cali now, the people here are soooooooo lovely :)

Comment by Dorothy on March 19, 2009 at 2:11pm

Talk about insecurity, my hair fell out during the first year of our marriage, right after the birth of our oldest, what a time. So many times I felt that my hubby could not possibly love me and I tried to do everything I could to get him to leave me. I do not know how he made it through all that, but stay he did. I know now I was looking for an excuse to kill myself, I wanted to die more than anything and as long as he stayed I did not have permission to do so. Well, more than 36 yrs later he still stays, sometime now I wonder what made him stay, besides the obvious answer that is. Then of course I worried that my kids would think I was a freak and they would not want to bring friends around, well my oldest sort of proved that to be true, but the two that still live at home, certainly not, our house is always jumping with thier friends, and I love it that way. The oldest is 35 with the next two being 20 and 16 yrs old. I have to put it on the years difference and the years of me being able to accept me for me, I accept me so they do too! Then again the oldest one if very very very selfish, so it could just be her personality, who knows.

I was never outgoing and became even less so after the alopecia. Thanks for looking and seeing the part of me many do not see. Life has been hard, but it could have been harder and I try to hope that it will be easier some day.

Comment by Lindsay on March 19, 2009 at 11:27am

you know, that is so true..... I suppose I am an outgoing person as well, and was always used to being the center of attention LOL so i didnt want to lose that, i wanted to stay the same as i was before... trust me though, for about 3 or 4 months i was very very sad, and cried constantly, and felt ugly, felt like no man would ever want me, they wouldnt be able to handle it... and i still feels that way sometimes, because i am still single.... but then i try to remind myself that it doesnt matter, and if i feel like i am unattractive, then i must be, its like making a mental visualization come to life.... dorothy, you are beautiful, i bet you have the best family ever, and i am soooooo glad that u have them :)

Comment by Dorothy on March 19, 2009 at 11:01am

It has been a long road for me to even feel comfortable with me, I could fill an ocean with the tears I have shed. I do tend to keep my alopecia close to the vest so to speak, I have begun to tell people, but now they seem to be people I know are not friends and merely someone I will know for a short time and then never see again.

I am not sure which is the hardest, having dealt with it all your life or having it all thrust upon you very suddenly and so completely and so totally unexpectedly. I had never really even heard of it before. Well, lets just say it was a very hard adjustment and would be for anyone no matter the degree. After all these years I have resigned myself to my situation, but that does not mean in my case I have resigned myself to letting others see me this way. I have worn a wig for nearly 36 yrs now, and I feel naked without it and would be mortfied for others to see me. So I do salute your bravery and all those who dare to be different and go in public without the wig. I am sure it raises awareness of our disease, and that is a good thing.

Comment by Lindsay on March 19, 2009 at 10:53am

Dorothy.... I read your profile, and i understand exactly how you feel.... though my case was obviously different.... i have only been bald for a year, but have had alopecia areata since i was 9, i was only patchy then, it all fell out last april..... since the 1st day of me being bald, i needed, for my head and my heart, to embrace my baldness, to force myself into the mindset of "hair is a distraction from our real beauty" and "it is a loss of vanity which allows us to open our minds to more important things" ....... the buddhist monks shave their heads so that they feel closer to buddha.... some friends call me a monk LOL
you are brave as well, this test makes us brave....

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